A Man Is Only As Faithful As His Options…Or Not

Sunday Apr 1, 2007 – By Zettler Clay

200187588-001 Chris Rock said it. Loud and clear. In that patented high voice on the HBO Comedy Special “Bigger and Blacker.”

“A man is only as faithful as his options.”

Day after day, hour after hour, women all around the country query themselves about the fidelity of men–or lack thereof. Research shows that infidelity rates hover around 55-65 percent, and if you are talking to various participants in relationships, the percentage may be higher. According to the theory of Rock, Dwyane Wade and Denzel Washington (both of whom are married) have a harder time staying faithful than somebody like, let’s say, me. This is a discouraging statement for the ladies out there, because the ladies would much rather have a D Wade than a Z Clay.

Self deprecation aside, it is safe to say that men with more females coming after them are more likely to cheat…not necessarily. On the surface level this may make sense, but if you take into account the type of person you are with, then you will see cases where this is simply not applicable. For example, a gentleman who has in him instilled a strong sense of respect and love for his woman can withstand more coquettes than the guy who has been developed with a “sex equals power, and I want all the power” mentality. Being that this is true, then the problem of infidelity goes beyond “options.” The problem lies with women not realizing the character of the person that they are dealing with before they are with them.

Women have to be aware of this. The best telltale sign is to notice how a guy handles female attention while he is single. This will require a little digging. You may have to be a friend to have this kind of insight. Ah… that f word again, which is so commonly used as the ideal prerequisite for the male-female union, but equally overlooked. These days, lust supersedes foundation, and in most instances, the solid turns into a liquid as soon as the gas is introduced. When solid is not the essence of a new relationship, then a chance is missed to see who the person really is, thus robbing you (ladies) of the opportunity to gauge future constancy.

Women, don’t let the train pass on that opportunity. A paradigm shift may be needed to circumvent the prodigious amount of cheating going on. Shifting from the mindset of exclusive emotionality (when approaching the relationship) to rationality will aid in this regard. It is at this cerebral state where the ability to discern bull…nonsense, is optimized. With optimal discernment, the guy who stands firm in his commitments will emerge in your life, and your heart is sparred heartache. Of course, there are exceptions to this. Men sometimes come that stealthy. But for the majority of the Y chromosome, we aren’t that slick.

Faithful men are made before the relationship. Relationship conditions holds paramountcy as well; but the choice is ultimately up to the male. No women. No circumstances. It is up to the male’s character.

And just because you have a faithful man, it doesn’t make life much easier. Faithful men are the ones that attract the most females anyway. Isn’t it weird how life works?

tremaine says:

April 1, 2007 at 1:18 pm

yes, it is weird how life works… you’ve made some great points, this right here “For example, a gentleman who has in him instilled a strong sense of respect and love for his woman can withstand more coquettes than the guy who has been developed with a “sex equals power and I want all the power” mentality.” being the meat of it all. i thoroughly enjoyed the article.

↑ Reply

BLESS says:

April 1, 2007 at 6:06 pm

Great article! I’ve always been of the mind that many jump into relationships because “it looks good”, “just because”, or for fear of being alone…in other words, for all the wrong reasons. I think lots of times we women see having a man as a savior of some sort so we make the plunge before either of us are ready. We don’t know how to be friends with a guy. Some of us think just because there are hormonal feelings there that we have to act on it or he won’t want to be our friend anymore. This all stems from insecurity. Ok…that’s enough for now. I can get pretty long winded when I have an opinion/thought on something. I’ll save some for the next….

Happily Married says:

April 4, 2007 at 4:32 pm

My husband is not a celebrity, but sometimes I feel like my agreeing to marry him has singled him out like one. It seems everytime we go anywhere the females are ready and waiting! I don’t have a problem with this except that when we are out I want to enjoy the time with him, smiling and laughing without receiving nasty looks or stares of jealousy and demise. I just find it unusual how these “attractive” single females react so negatively to our loving relationship, knowing that they want the same for themselves one day. I guess I just have to remember that our happiness truly is our own,whether we show others or not.

April 4, 2007 at 4:48 pm

“I just find it unusual how these “attractive” single females react so negatively to our loving relationship, knowing that they want the same for themselves one day.”

Maybe their negative reaction is because they don’t have it and want it. Rather than focusing on the fact that they don’t have the love and happiness someone else has, they should be focusing on how to love themselves and be happy with that until their “rib” comes along.

Jasmina says:

April 24, 2007 at 11:48 am

Well said and I hope more women read this.

james says:

April 24, 2007 at 12:09 pm

As a man that has never cheated, I find this article a bit one-sided. I am attractive and in my single days, have had my fair share of women. That did not automatically mean I was sleeping around, though we did establish the boundaries upfront and the relationships were open. I was not in it for the long haul.

Now I have found the one and plan to marry her, and other women don’t interest me as far as “What would it be like to do her?” So I disagree with the character assessment. In my younger days, I was ready for new challenges. Now I’m ready to settle down. It’s all about phases a person is in. This article is disingenuous and disheartening to single women. All men are not cheaters, not even the vast majority.

Robert says:

April 29, 2007 at 12:24 pm

This article did not say nor insinuate that every man is a cheater. In fact, it appears that the author is giving men more credit by saying that it is up to the character of the man, and not the options.

“Faithful men are made before the relationship. Relationship conditions holds paramountcy as well; but the choice is ultimately up to the male. No women. No circumstances. It is up to the male’s character.”

I am in a relationship and I have never cheated on my lady either, yet I do not see the same “disingenuous” and “disheartening” message that you see.

Great article.

Nadia Richards & Company says:

December 17, 2007 at 2:28 pm

Women seem to have just become totally dependent on marriage and relationships to make them feel whole. I was dating a guy for nearly 3 years and much to my dismay he was cheating on me. He had just proposed to me 2 months before I found out he was cheating. Once I found out, he got mad at me and tried to evict ME from OUR apartment, lol. I ended up getting my own place and leaving on my own, because even though by law I had a right to be there, i just couldn’t look in his face. Not even 1 month after I moved out, he moved his new girlfriend (the one he was cheating with) IN. She went to visit family in New York and he was knocking at my door! At the time, I didn’t know she living with him and he and I slept together. When she returned, he vanished and I never heard from him. So that’s when i went by his place to see her car there. I was livid! I never knew this nice, sweet guy had it in him to be such a disgusting liar. When he came by my house, he was crying his eyes out and wouldn’t tell me what it was. Well guess what, 9 months later she was pregnant and they were married. Come to find out, he found out she was pregnant while he and I were together and he knew he messed up. He was just too much of a coward to tell me so he tried to pin the break up on me. She KNEW about me the entire time, which is weird. What’s also weird is that I saw her on a networking site listed as a “lesbian” LOL! That was my very first heart break and TRUE break up with someone I loved. While I don’t blame her, I don’t respect her and will never respect any woman that purposely goes after men that are taken, whether married or NOT. To this day, I still believe she married him as a way OUT. She was in heavy debt and was suicidal, according to her she got laid off her job and was depressed. I think they are perfect together because I’m just waiting on the day that she finds out he is cheating on her (which i am certain he is already doing). He was a liar and cheater dressed in sheep clothing, dressed as the nice, caring, loving, secure guy. Yet when I met him, he had an ex that he told me was a roommate, that moved out just a few months before i moved in! He told me she was a roommate (they had 2 rooms) but SHE contacted me and told me she was his ex, and she was once pregnant with his child, lost the child due to cancer and he wasn’t even concerned about her life anymore (I’m guessing this is where i met him). He was telling me all these things about her saying she was crazy, she just wanted him and that’s why he wanted her out blah blah blah, of course him seeming so nice, i believed him. This man was also MARRIED to another woman(although divorcing) during the entire time. I got duped for sure, DUPED! Ladies, read between the lines, don’t always think the other woman is “jealous” or out to “get you” listen to what she’s saying because many times it CAN be true.

December 17, 2007 at 2:32 pm

Oh I want to say that the incident above was 3 or so years ago and while i haven’t totally healed from what i consider strong betrayal, I have indeed moved on. I have been with an intelligent, caring, successful businessman for 2 years and we are engaged to be married. He has taught me so much about business and building my PERSONAL wealth, in addition to teaching me how to trust and love again. Moreso, I now am mature enough and secure enough in my life to LOVE ME above all else and never fully put my trust into anyone but to always be optimistic :)

Even if my fiance and i were to split in the future, being an interracial couple we have been through so much together that I know our FRIENDSHIP is strong and solid. We will be friends no matter WHAT!

Edison Mazda says:

October 13, 2009 at 5:52 pm

Ladies, it’s simple: a happy man is a faithful man.

Everything else is just written to make you think it’s not your fault.