article

Black Women And The Black Women We Don’t Get

Tuesday Dec 22, 2009 – By La'Juanda "LJ" Knight

Scan1_0001 I came across an article recently that described the various reasons why a lot of sistas do not like Solange. The main focus of the article was the fact that Solange is the epitome of the anti-Black girl. In other words she is the essence of what a lot of Black females are not. She does not try to fit in and wear the same fashion, she walks around with colorful feathers and platform shoes, shaves her head damn near bald when hair is an important key to beauty in the African American community. I am an African American women who has also been ostracized during different periods in my lifetime for my being different so I am aware that uniqueness is something that is not always embraced by other African American women. Why is that? Why do we as Black women attack each other for not fitting into the boxes with limits that we often times create for ourselves? It is as if a sista being different from you is cause for anger. “She is always TRYING to be weird. She makes me sick!”. How does someone try to be weird? Why is it not possible that she is being herself, and that self is something different from what you are accustomed to from a peer? Especially when, in all actuality, her life would be much easier if she assimilated in with her peers. She would more than likely be accepted and free from judgment or ridicule.

Why do we as Black women attack each other for not fitting into the boxes with limits that we often times create for ourselves?

There are a few reasons why a unique sister could be considered villainous. One being is what I previously mentioned earlier. Other sistas feel that she is being “weird” on purpose in order to draw attention to herself. Women hate to see other women purposely acting out to garner more attention their way. Since some women compete over attention. This seems to be natural to them and is a concept that is not new and is one that will go on until the end of time. Another reason is that people in general hate things that they cannot figure out. People like to place things and people into categories. By itemizing things/people it helps us to understand them. If something or someone does not fit into the box you prepare for them or what you perceive to be “normal” then that causes confusion for us. Think about how the first Europeans viewed the Africans when they first encountered them. They were confused by their differences in features, complexion, and language. They were something they had never experienced before. Immediately they saw them as a threat. Why is this person acting this way? I cannot figure them out. Now I’m mad and annoyed with them. Lastly, when a sista is being different from the majority then somehow it is assumed that she thinks she is better or more “special” than others. She obviously must think that she is special in some way if she insists on dressing differently from us, acting differently, wearing her hair differently from the majority.

I personally have spent years of my younger life, crying, trying to completely fit in. Feeling lonely and misunderstood by the same people that I yearned for acceptance from. My fellow sistas. Wondering what I was doing that made me be ostracized by my peers/family members. Why was I being called a weirdo by my own cousins? For years I have tried to alter my clothes, feelings, and artistic behavior in the hopes of fitting in with the majority to no avail. I grew up in an urban environment and being unique and artistic was not cool. Whatever complexities I had within my personality needed to be concealed. Even when I tried to alter my behavior I never completely fit in. When I finally did start to feel as though I belonged, something inside me never allowed me to be settled. I could be myself, but only to an extent. I had to hold back many of my likes and or dislikes to assure that I kept my place within my peers. I had to assimilate. I could not say certain things because for sure they would laugh at some of my thoughts. Would they get my off kilter sense of humor? My sarcasm? My artistic behavior? Would they “get” me? When I did allow parts of my true self to squeeze out, it immediately was criticized and picked apart and never fully understood, which made me shut down even more. God forbid I expressed that I liked something that wasn’t the norm for a inner city Black female. Suddenly, I was acting “white” or being “crazy”. I spent the majority of my highschool years and early 20’s, fitting in to an extent but never completely being myself. Sadly, my female peers were my primary jurors. To this day It seems as if sista’s more so than brothas have a problem with other sistas expressing themselves uniquely. Women are harder on other women and quicker to judge and pick apart each other.

This brings me to my adult life, where I try my damnedest to be myself in every capacity. To not give a damn about the opinions of others. To do what makes me happy as long as I am not hurting those around me. Even if it sometimes ostracizes me from my present peers. Those sistas who get me, I appreciate them and in return try to understand them as well. Those sistas who do not get me and rather refer to me as weird or being too different or artistic for their tastes, I accept them as well. I also keep it moving with a smile on my face. I say all this to bring my point back to Solange. I wonder did she too try to assimilate with her peers and ultimately give up? I could only imagine that being the younger sister of a icon did not help her case. Solange and sistas like her have learned for themselves to be happy with oneself. Even if no one else is. The next time you come across a sista with Solange-esque qualities and you feel that she is too different for words, reserve your judgment and hostility. Different does not always equal bad.

For more of La’Juanda “LJ” Knight check her out @ yeahshesaidit.com.

Ms Fabulous says:

December 22, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I really appreciate this article. Women should be lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down. If a person is secure with themselves it should not matter how another person acts or dresses. It should have no affect on anyones personality or character. Kudos!

↑ Reply

whit says:

December 22, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I really like this article. It reminds me of myself. I had a harsh internal conversation with myself yesterday- actually fighting with my hair *rolls eyes* — anyways I go in and out of it, but its women like Solange Knowles and Janelle Monae that I admire. Black women that stand out in the crowd and but still positive messaes.

Thanks, again for writing this!

Glennisha Morgan says:

December 22, 2009 at 3:53 pm

Great piece!

darin michelle says:

December 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm

AMEN!!! i am very happy to read this article; mostly because i directly identify with it. as black women we tear each other down if we are not the cliche black woman that everyone tells us we’re suppose to be. why hold each other back and hold each other down.

thank you again :)

Bbelle says:

December 22, 2009 at 4:05 pm

More women need to read this, because sometime the negativity is too much. Thankfully I’ve gotten to the point early on where I’ve learned to be myself period and I don’t apologize for it. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, I’m just myself. More people need to understand that and acceptance the varieties that we as women come in.

Qiana says:

December 22, 2009 at 4:14 pm

This article hit home in so many ways.

“I grew up in an urban environment and being unique and artistic was not cool.” – when I read this I said “me too” to myself.

There’s a dog-eat-dog mentality in urban communities of color that needs to be addressed within national conversations. It’s the same ignorant thinking that ostracizes kids who like learning/school as uncool.

We can probably trace the origins of all this negative behavior and thinking back for hundreds of years, but unless we embrace each other’s aesthetic, intellectual, cultural, physical, sexual diversity the way nature has intended it, we’re all doomed to (self) destruct.

anonygrl says:

December 22, 2009 at 4:29 pm

i think it’s because black people are the only group of people who have never been allowed to be ourselves, and we have internalized that–at the detriment to our comunity. black people will laud you for being a “gangsta” and for having a $200 pair of sneakers you can’t afford, but will turn around and make fun of someone for wanting higher education and “talking proper.” been there, done that, and over it–but it is very real.

i love solange. she reminds me of myself and my friends, always going against the grain and being ourselves no matter *who* was a problem with it.

Candy says:

December 23, 2009 at 12:46 am

So agreed! White folks are allowed to be “different.” There are the punks, glam rockers, stoners, geeks, rockers, goths, wiggas, hippies, etc. But society, both black and white, seems to think that this is unacceptable for us. We are only allowed to be whatever other people define as “Black.”

People are always asking me if I am from somewhere or mixed with something because I’m not “normal.” I identify so much with Solange. I remember about three years ago writing in my journal that I wished that had enough courage to wear the things I wanted to wear. Trying to fit in made me depressed and dejected. Finally, I got some sense and now I just do me. Others can say or think whatever, I really don’t care. I know that I am not trying to do anything other than be me!
brandi says:

December 26, 2009 at 6:10 pm

Candy, you said it for me. I was just about to say that!

Whenever I do something, according to people “it’s because I’m trying to be white.” (And what that even means I don’t know.)

But just like you said white people can be whatever they want and it’s accepted. Even my mom asked me, why don’t I act more black?

Bianca says:

December 22, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Lovely article! I too, understand what it’s like to be “different”…just being me. I love standing out, and this article hits it right on the head! Originiality is not welcomed, and I can never understand why. Why would you want to fit in? Why would you NOT want to be true to yourself?

Courtney Crawford says:

December 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Thank the Lord!!! Finally I can stop explaining myself to black people. I’m from Chicago and the blacks here are so closed-minded. My parents are from the east coast and the south, so I didn’t grow up with the full Chicago experience (having family that lives in the city when I live in the burbs.) Everyone thought I was weird listening to the clash or nirvana (It all just good music to me). I had to explain that I wasn’t trying to be white or anything like that. I’m just not going to conform to what everyone thinks black people are supposed to be into. I’ve had a lot of haters and misunderstanding because I refused to go along with anything because everyone else did. Thanks for shedding some light on this subject, I felt like I was the only one who felt this way…

Nu Girl says:

December 22, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Brava!

Almost every genious or true icon started off as an outcast or misunderstood person. Good for the sisters living outside of the “black girl box”. Living inside that box is getting most sisters no where! Most times I find, if you want wonderful life experiences you have to be willing to walk a different path towards fullfillment and leave everyone else in the dust. Don’t let the “acting black crew” stall your advancement and growth.

Alot of wonderful and revolutionary advancements came from people who had the courage to be themselves.

Dee says:

December 22, 2009 at 8:10 pm

What a fantastic piece. I dealt with this a bit when I was younger, but the more involved I got with my arts community, the less I cared.

Taj says:

December 22, 2009 at 11:55 pm

I like the topic of the article, but it could have been better written. Sounds like opinion, generalization, opinion, opinion, Solange.

Danielle says:

December 23, 2009 at 1:00 am

Yep. I recognize this story. I felt it hardest when my family first moved to the US. Soon after I started school in the US, the black girls informed me that I wasn’t black enough. This was funny because I had come from a country where blacks were the majority and I had never heard such comments before. My ten year old mind could not compute this verdict. It was like they were speaking another language (and english was my native tongue). In the end I felt more comfortable with the white girls – with them the quantity of my blackness never came up (at least not to my face).
I felt more culture shock around other black american girls than I did with white american girls.

Carla says:

December 23, 2009 at 8:16 am

Wow, I can so identify with this!

I am am an African woman from Angola. Spent there most of my life and lived a few of my young adult life in Cape Town, South Africa.

In South Africa I learnt how to kayak. I was good at it and got to the national team. With kayaking came the muscled physique. I spent many hours in my boat and a relaxed hairdo just didn’t do it for me. I cut it off. Yes a head full of thick, long natural hair was cut off just short of bald. My hairdresser almost had an episode! I say, it is my hair and it grows just as quick. I do whatever I want.

Needles to say that from one day to another people started questioning my sexual preferences. Seriously, yesterday I was straight and today I am possibly gay. Really?! Another issue was my body. I did not conform to the black look (whatever that means) and i was also doing a ” white sport”. Say what??!!!

I lost count, how many times people would just get out of their way to be downright rude about my short, hair, the braids later on (made me look too black… huh?!), and the muscular physique. As if I didn’t already have enough trouble dealing with white people in the kayak sport in South Africa, most of whom saw a “black person” (again,, what the heck does that mean anyway?!!) entering “their” sport and to make matters worst, beat them at their own game.

Whatever people!!!! Live and let live!

Shaunda says:

December 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm

This has always been me growing up.My father’s family is from Richmond, and they are very mainstream traditional (sticking to popular images they see on tv) when it comes to women’s hair and style in general. When I was younger I always tried to fit into this mold my (father’s) family and some friends had for me. But it was draining, and pointless because someone would ALWAYS have another suggestion for what I should or should not do. It wasn’t until I was about 17 or 18 (6 years ago), I did an Amber Rose myself and I finally grew some nerves to go my own path. And I continue to keep my hair that way. There was also the time I wanted to pledge (which I didn’t do) a non-Black sorority and my (father’s) fam went haywire! I couldn’t win. Now I’m 100% happier and should have done my own things years ago but that’s not to say some of my family & friends think I lost my marbles to do it. My mom’s family (from Brooklyn) on the other hand are completely supportive of me doing my own thing; they love it! My pop’s family, I think they try to just deal with me as much as possible. However, I sleep happy everyday knowing I’m my own person, instead of a cookie-cut out of the next girl.

CSparkles says:

December 23, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Thanks for addressing this, I definitely felt this growing up especially after moving and going from a school with large mix of races and ethnicities to a predominately black school when I was in middle school; and highschool didn’t get any easier. I don’t understand why someone gets branded a “weirdo” for not wearing certain brands or their taste in music and literature. I definitely did the wrong thing and ended up keeping to myself for much of that time, but when I got to college I learned that there were others who shared similar interests and made it easier to connect with others.

Tina says:

December 23, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Under normal circumstances, I would agree, however Solange was just what ‘most black girls were’ when she first embarked on a singing career. Remember her work with Romeo and her first solo album?
Yeah, you don’t, because it wasn’t all that successful. Her comparisons to her older sister were endless, and due to that comparison, she was unable to stand out in her genre because she wasn’t that good at it in the first place and had to figure out another route.
As evidenced by the success of her latest album, she figured it out, a solution to end the comparisons was to be ‘out of the box’ doing things artists and bands like Stereolab and Cee -Lo and others had been doing for years. Because of her background and connections, she was able to stand out in this arena.
I say all of that to say while I do like Solange, I wish people would stop giving her accolades and coming to her defense by claiming that she is different and unique, when really she just made some well informed career decisions and changed her image.

Melissa says:

December 23, 2009 at 12:44 pm

Hi @Tina on Solange.
I felt the same way you did at first that she was just pulling some marketing b.s.

However, when she came out with that first album she was still very much a teen and it is hard as hell at that stage to tap into that I don’t give a fuck, Im just gonna be me attitude. Honestly, I was always quirky/different as a kid but I just would not accept that to the point I would get mad and defensive when friends would describe me as quirky. I tried my best to fit in and that just made me unhappy. It wasn’t until college I just broke out and embraced me.

That said, I want to give Solange the benefit of the doubt that she is now coming into her authentic self (sorry to sound all Oprah-ish).

Elisa says:

December 23, 2009 at 2:01 pm

This is such an important topic! I went from inner city Boston to “the country in North Carolina, so I went from one restricting, judgmental environment to another. One of my parents had a dance company and is in the musical theater industry, so the experiences that shaped my interests and tastes growing up as a child (watching Broadway rehearsals, traveling with theater shows, spending a lot of time at Elma Lewis Fine Arts School in Boston) were completely different from my peers. I was always the artsy weird girl, I loved to read and do homework (gasp!), and could hold a conversation with a room full of adults before I hit Kindergarten. Never thought I was better or smarter than anyone, I thought every kid had similar childhood experiences. Kids (especially girls) were quick to let me know otherwise. Sadly, it only got worse when I moved to NC. I was a novelty at the beginning of the year and a threat by the school year’s end.

At one point, I said, “F- all y’all, I’ll just be me.” And that’s what I did. It’s hard being “different,” especially when you just feel like a regular chick. Apparently I didn’t get the “assimilate and imitate” memo, so falling in line with everyone else has never felt natural to me. As Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said, well behaved women seldom make history.

K. Ashley says:

February 27, 2010 at 11:35 am

I felt similarly, then I found a 6 word solution/oasis/incubator in the unlikely locale of Winston Salem. North. Carolina. School. Of. The . Arts!

Royal K. says:

December 23, 2009 at 4:16 pm

I have never thought about Solange that much TBW, LOL but what I do know and deal with is being different, i march to my own beat, def diff from other black women here @ work, and get tons of side eyes, tight compliments, the customary grits (always checking me out from head to toe etc)
it amuses me that folk are at once bedazzled and impressed, yet super envious and intimidated,,and I’m rather quiet, LOL stay to myself don’t try to be seen etc I’m not thirsty, I’m well hydrated, I just do me rather esquisitely, and have been told i have a strong presence/aura and these things see, to bother some folk, not relagated to to just black
women either LOL…
Folk need to concentrate more on themselves, loving themselves etc, finding out who they are, and owning it…but then I came to he conclusion some women are lionesses, they roll in packs/prides/groups/clicks etc thats how they are built, they NEED the pack/pride for strength, safety , acceptence etc and then some women Tigresses, bigger, stronger, with an heir mystery, having a more intimidating presence, and they roll dolo, they need no help for the kill or anything else etc..Year of the Tiger 2010 LOL

maria says:

December 23, 2009 at 5:13 pm

I must be out of the loop because I didn’t know people feel this way about Solange. I think she’s unique, cute, and trying to set herself apart from other artists. I like the fact that she doesn’t copy her big sister. She’s a young mom and a great singer. I think she sings for a different type of more mature audience.

Lala says:

December 23, 2009 at 9:00 pm

Great article, great, great, women be unique instead of being copycats…

Liah says:

December 23, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Me and Maria both were out of the loop – I didn’t know people had such a strong distaste for Solange. Damn the Knowles girls can’t get no love! Some hate on Beyonce for a number of reasons (these reasons doesn’t need a rehashing) while others can’t wrapped their heads around Solo. I like them both and I’m bit puzzled why the Knowles women garner so much hating.

chin says:

December 23, 2009 at 9:36 pm

i soo agree, i’ve been the odd one plenty of times and tried to fit in (which NEVER works)…i love the image solange expresses. free, fearless, and funky…we need to appreciate it.

Jasmine says:

December 24, 2009 at 12:34 am

Dang at one point I was thinking did I write this article and submit it to Clutch. This was and is still my life. I hope one day I can be just me. I don’t have to have other women like me or even understand me but I need them to realize I am not just like them and maybe just accept me. Can you do that Black women can you just accept me and realize that I like to watch Friends, that I don’t like Tyler Perry movies, that I find The Color Purple to be funny, that I haven’t seen Roots, that I don’t think Ne-Yo is that great of a performer or that I don’t find Shemar Moore or Tyrese to be attractive? I’m asking can you do that?

kukaberry says:

December 24, 2009 at 1:52 am

I think this is very true. I totally fit into this weird category and I find that a lot of other black inner city females feel this way. I am wondering if us weird girls are actually the norm?

Des says:

December 24, 2009 at 10:25 am

Great article!

sela says:

December 24, 2009 at 8:08 pm

I have ALWAYS LOVED Solange for the same reasons the article said women hated her. She really was the friend in my head lol!and I could totally identify with her much better than her sister. I love her sassiness and her confidence without trying to conform to conventionalism. Interesting article!!!

December 24, 2009 at 8:23 pm

@ Melissa, I totally agree! She even mentioned on Oprah that she tried to be the ‘trophy wife’ something she felt wasn’t her. I totally got where she was coming from, because ironically in the black community her sister is the epitome of beauty. It must be HARD being compared to her. Its like you are damned if you do damned if you don’t so you might as well do you. And I LOVED that!

Steph302 says:

December 25, 2009 at 12:08 pm

Thank you for this article. While I’m also not convinced Solange is praise-worthy, she is a decent stand-in for all of us sisters who don’t fit “the mold”. Being the creative type has gotten easier recently, either because open-mindedness is on the rise, or because I’ve gotten older and don’t care what other people think anymore.

Sha says:

December 26, 2009 at 7:23 am

Omg this article is great !! Thanks for taking the time to explain this. I am not a fan of rap music at all, I actually hate it. and most of the black people where I live love it. I always complain about it and they say I’m crazy to not like it lol. But I also get this from other people.

I let my non-black co-worker listen to my i-pod one time on lunch break, and he was shocked, I didn’t have any rap songs on there. When you dont fit peoples “box”, you’re branded weird. Thats so dumb. Be yourself or lose yourself.

Shar'Chessa Réussi Pacino says:

December 26, 2009 at 11:31 am

OMG, I feel the same way! I am too also push to the side or talked about by my own race b/c I don’t like just URBAN things and I like to explore when it comes to style and just about everything. The thing is I am not going to stop b/c I will be just hurting my self w/ not being myself. I love the way I am even if my other female counterparts don’t agree. You just have to live YOUR live and be happy, and like you said keep it moving you can’t please everyone; its just impossible.

a/n says:

December 26, 2009 at 11:36 am

I really am gratefule for this article and your story shared from when you were a child until you reached adulthood. I can highly relate to this article. I’m African American too and I was always picked on when i was in junior high school, my cousins and my sister. I was also called out saying “your trying to be white” when I was only trying to “fit in”. Well i’m in my early 20′s and I’ve learned to embrace the uniqueness, talent and the image The Lord has given to me. I also cannot grasp why so many of our sisters do not like Solange for being herself. Honestly ( no offense to Beyonce fans) I actually prefer Solange over Beyonce. I believe , like expressed in the article, Solange has learned to embrace her ownself. Dressing very different from her older sister, shaving her hair off and wearing feathers and hair pins in her hair. I love it!She has gorgeous hair and style. She is only being herself. We shouldn’t be concerned with what is on the outside. what makes an individual beautiful is how they carry themselves. I know many people desire to be their own self, but it doesn’t help when our own people from our own culture ( along with other cultures) don’t accept us and want to tear us completely down. The neglect of personal acceptance only tears down self worth.

Me says:

December 26, 2009 at 9:23 pm

Just a warning…I am extremely long winded. :)

Reading this article was like a stab in the heart- a pleasant stab, that is. I’m currently a senior in high school, going through this as I type. I have never fit in with the stereotypical “black girl” image. I’m not extremely loud, I don’t dress in the stereotypical “black girl” attire (not that there’s anything wrong with it, just not my style), I don’t listen to only rap and R&B, and I don’t speak blatantly improper English. I do, however, love to read and write, to dress my own kind of way, to listen to all genres of music, and (God forbid) I speak proper English .

In middle school, I went to a predominately black school and was ostracized for trying to “act white,” especially whenever I spoke. What bothers me the most about this is how proper grammar is a hated quality among so many black Americans. I think its sad that we as a people have conformed ourselves to a confining, negative, stereotypical image of what a black person should be.

I have much more that I could say on this topic, since it is one that is often on my mind, but I will spare your eyes. I must add to all my fellow people who are going through this at the moment and are still attempting to conform: don’t. I recently took the plunge to embrace myself, and it has been a liberating and amazing experience. I stopped trying to change my pronunciation to sound more “black,” started dressing my own way, ditched my relaxers (not because I see them as evil, but because I hated having straight hair), and started boldly blasting my various forms of “white people music” on my iPod. Pretty soon, the odd stares became amusing to me.

I must say, being different is awesome. But please, in your pursuit of uniqueness, don’t look down upon the “normal” masses. They’re just awaiting their moment of enlightenment :)

bkbohemian says:

December 26, 2009 at 11:01 pm

Thank you for this piece.I can completely identify.It really makes you wonder,”What is considered ‘black’?And what is “white” and why are we giving them credit (for lack of a better word) for speaking properly,being creative and thinking outside the paradigm of the norm?Especially when it was our ancestors from the black diaspora were the ones who built civilizations,inspire modern fashion,art and literature,created style,genres in music,etc.It’s a shame that some sisters in this modernn day/time are still stuck on that colonial mentality/stereotypes of black women.There are plenty of us that are outside the box and if you really think of it,the ones that were out the box are the same ones the rest admire,black women in law,politics,the arts,philanthropist and educators that are in our history books and in the media were the ones that do fit this ilk.I’m sure they were told otherwise also and still follwed that path less traveled.Great article…BLACK GIRLS ROCK!!!

hiphopmuse says:

December 27, 2009 at 12:13 am

I like this article a lot, I can relate to the idea of being the “weird black girl growing up in the hood.” Growing up I was very bookish and felt the need to suppress myself around my peers. As I matured, I stop caring what others thought of me and began to embrace and express my true self, and I’m better for it. Now that I’m in my mid-late 20s I’m happy and fulfilled in who I am and can give two shits about what naysayers think about me. I’m cool with being the quirky girl from the ghetto. :)

Follow me on Twitter: @hiphopmuse

December 27, 2009 at 4:49 pm

I think its so amusing how SO many Afro women have these “I`m so Different” experiences, read other “I`m so Different” experiences and still feel that they`re .. so different.

-_-

Everyone is different. Everyone has an “outsider” experience. Maybe you were so busy placing people in a me vs. them category that you looked over pleasant differences in other people. So used to being the minority in your own group that you generalized. I hear stories like this everyday. You`re not a rarity because everyone is different, unique and special, some just stand out more, and others take time to realize the differences in others.

Lisa says:

April 19, 2010 at 7:54 pm

AMEN!! I’m so tired of that “omg I’m such a ‘different’ black girl!” bs that is associated with Solange. She isn’t different and neither is everyone commenting like this article is a revelation. If you’re so different, why are there so many comments from women feeling the same way you do?

Sweetheartlove says:

December 28, 2009 at 4:16 am

OMG! this is true true true..I can totally relate to this! AMen!

harlemhoney says:

December 28, 2009 at 12:25 pm

the argument that black women hate solange is really weak. i think a lot of women like and appreciate her uniqueness. we keep perpetuating the myth that black women hate one another and it only makes things worse. i am a fan of solange and know a lot black women who are fans aso.

Ms. MusiQ says:

December 29, 2009 at 11:19 am

Instead of embracing uniqueness, black women are complaining about other black women who aren’t like them… SMH!

Let’s make it a point to GET A LIFE form here on out!!

P.S. I LOVE Solange! We’re not all cut from the same cloth so why do people (mainly women) believe we have to act like we share the same brain?? Here’s a tip: STOP WATCHING OTHERS AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF!

December 29, 2009 at 11:20 am

*from

kimberly says:

December 29, 2009 at 5:49 pm

great article. like many of the women who posted, I like Solange and had to face opposition from other black girls and boys about my “wierdness” or not being black enough because of how I dressed or spoke. I think that really speaks to how black people ,especially children veiw themselves. We get so many neagtive or simplistic images of what we are supposed to be- that we end up beliveing it! We have to fight this everyday. with our peers and the kids around us, we should not limit ourselves to what OTHERS think we should be. We have the potential to do and be what we wish so we must live and reflect this message proudly in our own communities in order for it to seep into future generations.

AnonyMiss says:

December 30, 2009 at 8:00 pm

I love Solange because she is true to herself and dares to be different. I expected her to try and be like her big sis B since she has a lot of success. I felt like she would try and emulate that but she hasn’t. Her music is unique and her style is her own. And she’s good friends with my idol Ms. Erykah Badu. =)

Mel says:

December 31, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Hell yes!! I’m in college now and I finally have a decent amount of money to dress the way I really want to and it gets tiring when people comment about how every piece of clothing I have on at a given time is not the same color. Its sad that most of the comments I get are from other black women especially about my taste in music and the fact that I dont take care of my sneakers as if they were babies (but that might just be a music thing). People think I’m weird for liking the so-called “white” frats better because everything they play isn’t Soulja Boy or another stupid dance song.

January 2, 2010 at 2:25 pm

That might just be a New York thing*. Not “music”

AJ says:

February 24, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I’m not so sure about this article at all. First of all, I’m still wondering why black women suddenly look up to Solange for inspiration on “being yourself” and “different?” I don’t really follow mainstream pop music but I always thought she was just a younger version of Beyonce in most of her music. Then one day she’s popping up everywhere with her head shaved and rocking Doc Martens and suddenly she’s “ohhh Solange is diiferent.” And now we’ve made it into a status. Wow, I wish this was true when I was in high school. Not only was I the weirdest black chick in my school (10th grade talent show covering a Bad Brains song with my band-that was me) but I certainly didn’t feel like bragging about it. It seems this whole ‘afro-punk’ movement going on is going to a lot of people’s heads. Suddenly, its cool to be a black skater and we have gone so far as to give it a name and yet, there’s a vast majority of these so called skaters who simply carry a board in their hand. I’m in Atlanta so I know. The whole “I’m black and weird and dress cute but eccentric” fad is too obvious to me and the people I know who see right through it. The black women who have been shaving their heads way before Solange did (of course it too a light skinned chick to do it for anyone to care-but that’s a whole ‘nother topic), and to those who’ve been listening to the likes of The Clash and Bad Brains before most black people even knew who those bands were (even now) know what I’m talking about. It’s great to be outside the box but if you felt you needed to hide that side of you in fear of what people might think then you either weren’t really outside the box to begin with or this is a very recent transformation. Many of us were born like this. For some its not just a fashion statement.

vainbuthonest@twitter says:

April 19, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Thank you!
branid says:

May 5, 2010 at 6:20 pm

well solange (from i can tell from family photos) has always been different. she has her hair everywhere, beyonce has braids, at the pool!

but i think solange is used as an example because she got so much backlash (internet) from (gasp) black people. even bow wow put his two cents in.

February 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm

And instead of praising some random mainstream pop star who just wanted to be out of her sister’s shadow, what what about the black women throughout history that I grew up admiring who have been “weird” for years before Solange reminded everyone this is was cool apparently:

Hello? GRACE JONES, anyone?? I mean really…(Oh wells, if you’re dark skinned we just ignore your weirdness till a lighter version of you comes along) Typical

Afrika says:

March 14, 2010 at 4:42 am

I am a black male but I completely identify with this article. Story of my life I tell you, story of my life.