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From Black Voices: Melanie Fiona’s ‘It Kills Me’: The Desperate, Pathetic Woman’s Anthem
Article from BlackVoices.com – I know sometimes we are all a sucker for a good beat, a nice melody and a sweet voice. A current song that has recently made its way to the top of the charts, though, has got to be the worst thing to happen to women since stiletto heels. When I first heard this tune, I wasn’t familiar with Melanie Fiona (pictured above). I just knew that every time I heard the pathetic, desperate lyrics, I was disgusted.
It’s been a long time since I heard a song by a woman that was so destructive to the empowerment of sisterhood. Fiona’s song is basically, the desperate, pathetic woman’s anthem. Forget self-esteem, forget independent thought, forget doing what’s best for you, Fiona loudly proclaims about 15 times a day, every day, on the radio that it’s really about a warm body. Forget demanding that you be treated with respect, as long as he comes home eventually, it’s all good.
Fiona’s song unfortunately tells young women that agonizing over a no-good man, who is clearly bad for you, is not only reasonable but is a true indicator of “love.” It proclaims to the rooftops that having a dirty dog of a boyfriend is okay, and you just have to deal with it as best you can.
And as if we don’t have enough problems with families in the black community, now here comes a woman who shamelessly declares that she also wants to have babies with this man, who admittedly treats her badly. He cheats, they fight, he doesn’t come home — sounds like the perfect man to father your babies, Melanie.
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“Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shhhh then hang up
Or I should I be a lady
Oohh maybe cuz I wanna have his babies”
Honestly I thought I was the only person who felt like this although I find myself singing along subconsciously as it comes on 50 MILLION times on the radio…I dont care for the lyrics..and the one above is the one that makes my skin crawl lol…but you know what there are women out there who behave like this…so although the song is “dumb” it does mirror life lol..
* maybe dumb is too strong lol…the song shadows just one of those topics where warrants a “I just wish women would stop defining themselves behind their men and let their self-worth shine bright” responses…
i am all for female empowerment song , but i wholly disagree with this article. empowerment songs are great for affirmation and esteem buikding but sometimes you need to hear a song talk about about women irrational feelings.for me empowerment songs speak to the ideal and what we are aiming for, but we also need songs that speak on the complexities of emotions one goes through ( lauryn hill x-factor anyone or jazmin sullivans- in love with another man). furthermore songs to me are suppose to be about how we feel, not manifested into a melody, they are not always about how we should feel. in addition its not like there are not a plethora of uplifting songs. why doesn’t the author just listen to those. women are not one dimensional, human beings are not one dimensional.
you made a good pt Michelle…its like yea im not really into the song like that but its the truth…this goes on and some women really do feel this way…so i respect it because its realistic opposed to “you can buy me diamonds and a birkin bag” style songs are popular.. that is very true.
I always say, “great vocals, twisted lyrics” about this song. It may not be for the staunch feminist, but it’s real. And I don’t think Fiona would disagree with BVs. It isn’t a positive message, but I’m sure there is at least one woman who resonates with her message. If you add the visual with the song, she does have her downfall.
I thought the same thing when I heard this song. Everyone else was on its hype, but I couldn`t get into it because it was so .. pathetic. I think she has a strong voice and great potential, but she doesn`t have an identity to me. Who is this chick? Like, really. A great voice isn`t enough for me these days, it just isn`t.
Women aren’t always strong and sometimes women become desperate and pathetic in relationships. I think it takes a certain amount of bravery to write lyrics that are so honest. Music doesn’t have to always be about an “Idealized” state of beng. Sometimes love hurts and its hard to let a bad relationship go. In the lyrics she even says ” it kills her” to know she feels this way about a man who isn’t treating her right. Good for Melanie. I love the song and it got me through emotions that I felt in a negative relationship
Um…pardon me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Amy Winehouse’s whole schtick that she can’t stay out of toxic relationships? And I think other white female music artists have touched on this as well in various songs. Sure r&b females tend to lean heavily on this sort of topic, but it’s just as “dangerous” as those false empowerment songs that rely on empowerment via material goods and wealth.
amy whinehouse didnt start off making songs like that, she had an album b4 black to black, where she was a normal size singing her heart out. if a white women jump of bridge would you jump off??? just because a white women does it doesnt mean we have to do the same. they would criticize black women twice as hard no matter what.
Yes! and Amy’s first album was altogether better. Not much toxicity… even the tracks that came before back to Black like “Fools Gold” were empowering… at one time, she had lots to say… Then some stupid A&R exec changed her marketing to appeal to a wider demographic… blah blah blah…
sorry… tangent
I hate this bloody song with a great passion and I wanted to slap somebody after the “I wanna have his baby part” but I dont agree with them coming down hard on Melanie like that. Girl is telling the story of many women out there, trust I know a few of them(not me, of course but whatev.). Some women dont want to always hear the “Im woman, Im strong, hear me ROOOAARRR”. Sometimes a bish just need to have a good ol’ fashion breakdown about her f’ed up relationship and this song is seemingnly perfect for them.
But even though I hate this ghastly song, I wish much success for Melanie. People only want to mess with her because she getting some shine and recognition. Leave her alone.
I think people read to much into stuff. There should be a healthy balance between being aware of things and not taking things literally. I’m sure Melanie was only iterating what some woman go through. With these messages and all messages that you receive it’s up to you whether you accept it and follow through with it. People act like there is no choice behind these things. There is. Just like I chose to read this article I can choose to disregard everything or hold it sacred in my mind.
It’s a great song. it’s about a woman not too hard to admit she is in love and it hurts. It is no different than “I wish it would rain” by David Ruffin.
I’m personally caught in the middle with this song. We hardly hear people really sing anymore so that is what first caught my attention to this song. But the line with having his baby does bother me. I really don’t know what to say. Its like that with a lot of music we listen too. Nice beat but horrible lyrics. Songs with good lyrics never make it on to the radio so we don’t hear them unless we search.
I don’t like this song anyway, but if I had to decide what songs I’m going to listen to based on lyrics, I’d have 5 songs in my ipod. I’m one of those people who just needs a hot beat to listen to… unless it’s Eminem- he has been banned from my collection.
LOL why’d you ban Eminem?
I hate the song because it sucks, not because of the lyrics. Thought, the lyrics do suck as well. But with the repetitive and heavy handed melody/vocals, the sucky lyrics are an afterthought.
I cringe when this song comes on.
she’s pretty though.
[...] Black Voices won’t let Melanie Fiona be great [Black Voices] [...]
i have no clue who this lady is & its been climbing the billboard charts??? where have i been???
but she have an average voice, if it wasn’t for her pretty looks would she really have a deal??? the song is uhmmm not my type of song, i think the song sucks & the fact that its climbing the charts is crazy to me.
On second thoughts i have seen her before is this the same lady in all the wet seal store where they have her album on display at the cashpoint???
Hmm I agree with BV, however, I know tooooooo many women, who really feel this way and stay in those toxic relationships–in fact marry the piece of SHIT. They put the man first and their lust and their ego and not themselves and their self-respect and their health.
Sad but true. On another note this article just made me realzie that this MF has a really nice voice.
Why are the women here so repulsed by the idea of a woman admitting she is in love with a man? Why does being vulnerable disgust you? You are some hard and cold women..
It’s pretty sad that you had to attack the women that responded, don’t you think?
I mean, maybe you couldn’t articulate a good enough response to the issue, but calling people cold and hard was just completely off-base.
ALthough I feel the BV article WHOLE HEARTEDLY….I can’t front. Sometimes a man just makes you feel some kinda way. Dinah Washington, Aretha Franklin, Billie Holliday all sang similar kinds of songs…
Remember this one?
‘Retha had it first…
You’re a no good heart breaker
You’re a liar and you’re a cheat
And I don’t know why
I let you do these things to me
My friends keep telling me
That you ain’t no good
But oh, but they don’t know
That I’d leave you if I could
I guess I’m uptight
And I’m stuck like glue
‘Cause I ain’t never
I ain’t never, I ain’t never, no, no (loved a man)
(The way that I, I love you)
Some time ago I thought
You had run out of fools
But I was so wrong
You got one that you’ll never lose
The way you treat me is a shame
How could you hurt me so bad
Baby, you know that I’m the best thing
That you ever had
Kiss me once again
Don’cha never, never say that we’re through
Cause I ain’t never
Never, Never, no, no (loved a man)
(The way that I, I love you)
I can’t sleep at night
And I can’t eat a bite
I guess I’ll never be free
Since you got, your hooks, in me
Whoa, oh, oh
Yeah! Yeah!
I ain’t never loved a man
I ain’t never loved a man, baby
Ain’t never had a man that hurt me so bad
No
Well this is what I’m gonna do about it…
I think we understand that she was singing a song about a toxic relationship, and they have been done before– but your example clearly shows that it has been done better. I don`t need an artist to sing about being Superwoman, a la Alicia Keys in order to make me feel good about myself. Trust, I have bad days, and I`ve been in craptastic relationships. I just think she manages to sound beyond pathetic because the song isn`t well written. “Ooh cuz I wanna have his babies?” Yeah, real poetic. I really feel for you. -_-
I don’t agree with the theme of the song but, I like it because I’ve been there .I can relate. I can feel the emotion. I thought that’s what songs are supposed to make you do.
Crys Mack made a great point…Look at all of the greats that she mentioned. I’d like to add Etta James “I’d Rather Go Blind”…
I am so glad someone agreed with me. I thought I was the only one. She has a great voice but those lyrics.YIKES
It’s R&B music. Not much should be expected. Besides Alicia Keys and even Jennifer Hudson, it’s been years since a decent R&B song has been made.
LMAO@ “Craptastic”.
Yeah, I don’t condone the song…I’d prefer to hear music about the every-day…not the extremes. “Woke up this morning w/ a smile on my face…jumped outta bed, took a shower, cleaned up my place…”
But, Aliyah told us ten years ago that she cant “breathe w/o you”. Toni went so far as to say “Ill never breathe again…”
We’ve been holding our breathe for five decades… Waiting for better relationships… And for obviously better music…
definitly something worth researching and writing about…
you know what’s funny, my eleven year old son loves this song..he is all boy (sports, video games, rough housing etc) but the kid loves him some “diva” songs..LOL…in his opinion, it’s just a song. I don’t like the lyrics, but my son and I talked about the lyrics and he thinks she’s “crazy” for “wanting to have his babies”..but still he loves to SING the song!
expletive expletive expletive YES!!!
I’m so glad someone posted this!!!
WOW!!! I thought it was just me.
So WBLS debuted this song from Melanie F and Ledisi’s Going Through Changes at the same time.
I LOVED the Ledisi track… but I guess Melanie won. She makes me sick, she don’t wanna take a stance cuz she may wanna have his babies and he hold her down blah blah…
Sorry, my grammar became a bit ebonic but I think that trashy song warrants it.
It’s on all damn day in NY.
Call your station and request the Ledisi Track. I do.
To suggest that having an artist who talks about real life situations is pathethic, is sad. Maybe if she was running around screaming put a ring on it, this article would have had a different tune.
People have their weak moments. Unless you’re invincible I’m sure you have had them too. Out of all the demeaning songs on the radio, this is the one you choose to blast. How about we pick on those n word or b words loving artists…
a lot of this stuff is tolerated under the thumb of clearchannel.
I don’t know many who like that stuff either… but while on the subject of painful songs… many have been written with much more poise and artistry…
” i wanna have his babiez…” it’s probably spelled just like that…
Mary got a ghetto a__ track on her album called Kitchen…
Whoooo it’s hood… but it’s creative.
I am surprised at how many people are coming down on this song. Geez, the majority of women I know have been in similiar situations. No, she is not eloquent, but it’s real. I think the point is…It kills her to know that she is being so stupid, but can’t help it. I believe women are very emotional in relationships and it usually trumps logic. Yes, you know he is doing you dirty, but you still want him. As outsiders we are always first to cast stones, but I stopped once I found myself to be vulnerable and “stupid”. You couldn’t pay me enough money to make me believe that I would put up with a trife man–but I did. You never know when it can happen to you…
Wow. Are people forgetting Melanie’s first single “Give it to me right” which hardly got any radio play despite imo, being a better song than “it kills me”. If some of you would take the time to listen to her entire cd without writing her off, you will see that she’s not just some “pretty girl with an average voice” type of female. She has a soulful voice that you actually don’t hear a lot nowadays.
“It kills me” isn’t the best song on her cd, I’ll admit that but damn, can the girl have some kind of success without folks trying to cut her down. That’s what “kills me” about black folk; we always have to tear our own down without giving respect.
Nowhere in this article, the writer mentions the gems known as “Monday Morning” and “You stop my heart”, two of my favorite songs on her cd, but no. It’s all about the negative. It’s not a crime to dislike a song because hell, I dislike songs too but to completely dismiss her as artist (like some of you all are doing) is just wrong.
I thought it was interesting that this song blew up the way it did when imo, there were better choices for the next single but I’m guessing some of you all don’t know how imperative radio play is to an artist: it can make or break you. Despite some of the song lyrics being a little out there, her people obviously thought this song would be a hit and they were right. People LOVE to hear “love gone wrong” songs on the radio because either we can relate or it seems more realistic.
Ms. Fiona is a very talented young lady, but you are seriously doing yourself an injustice to write her off because you think this song is a “desperate, pathetic woman’s anthem”.
Good day to you all.
-Stacey
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCfa7j73X6w
I wholeheartedly agree!! If the author doesn’t like the song that’s her own taste. But to say “It’s been a long time since I heard a song by a woman that was so destructive to the empowerment of sisterhood. “? Come on! Exaggerate much?
I loathe this song.
I think the author is being a bit melodramatic. It’s just a song that expresses a real emotion that many women go through. Not every radio hit can be an empowerment song. And not all the time do we as women feel empowered. We do have our low points, and this song just reflects that. It’s not condoning the behavior just expressing the emotion behind it.
I know its Womens History Month and all but give me a break!
I’ve been trying to tell my two best friends this from the song came out. They love this song and from I heard it the song made me want to barf. I completely concur with this article and really need to finish reading it. Peace
Let’s face it, we’re not always strong. And I get where the writer is coming from, especially when she says she can’t be on her own. But let’s face it, most have lost themselves to love at one time or another.
I consider myself a strong woman…educated, own my own home, etc…but I would be lying if I said that at one time or another I wasn’t a fool for love.
@Sparkle
I agree, totally.
Just talking about made me scroll though my ipod and hit play…what can I say, I love hearing her voice and the tempo of the song…no matter how desperate it is. Also love You Stop My Heart is a nice tune.
I am not a fan of the song…but most of us had at least one bad relationship in our lives…this song is real and speaks on this confusing experience…
I think everyone here is making great points except Jay. really?? cold and hard? hmmm. … but what I really want to know is where did she get that shirt she’s wearing at the beginning of the video! Love it!
Lyrics are suppose to make you feel and relate to the music you listen to.The lyrics to the song is honest and I’m sure many women…and men, can relate to the concept. I think some people should simply get realistic. If “desperate” is how she felt, then why can’t she write about how she feels. “Empowerment of sisterhood”…wow. So you’re just gonna attack Melanie for how SHE felt. smh
OMG! I was wondering who made this very annoying song….”soo u boo hoo.”.. I always turn from it on the radio because I don’t like it musically. It sounds like someone is crying throughout the song. I didn’t know until now that the lyrics were pitiful too. It seems like the male dominated radio stations luv playing this song to death and FORCE you to listen to it. I’m writin my radio station today and tell them no thanks.
That track is really brilliant, and I’m not even into that genre.
Should every artist be made to consider their potential impact on a community before writing a song? I don’t think so.
The song sucks, but I’m personally not concerned about its impact on the “sisterhood”.
Article: “…the worst thing to happen to women… …I was disgusted… …destructive to the empowerment of sisterhood… …it’s really about a warm body… demanding that you be treated with respect… …tells young women that agonizing over a no-good man…”
*****************************************************************
Really? I mean, for real? Who da f*ck (at Black Voices) wrote this piece?
Song after song (in rap and hip hop) is a base idiot going on about his lollipop being licked, telling some skeeze to round up a co-skeeze so he can treat them “with respect” in a ménage à trios, being in love with a stripper, yelling for some “warm body” to shake dat ass etc. So, can they give me a friggin’ break with the misdirected outrage, fake “empowerment” babble and “She’s teaching young women blah blah blah!” feminist nonsense!? If the writer is going to start demanding everyone be socially conscious activists, maybe they should first point in the right direction at “artists” far more deserving of criticism.
I was turned on to Melanie Fiona after hearing Somebody Come Get Me from “Reggae Gold” a couple of years ago and I dig her current CD as well. I also love the melody of It Kills Me and, no doubt, the lyrics tell the story of an individual that is weak, powerless and stupid. However, any intelligent listener will pick up that the person is unhappy and that the song is certainly not a directive for females or saying this is OK.
Unlike a lot of others that are currently out, Melanie can really sing. I’m hardly anybody’s prude but I dare say this is preferable to tired, boring, oversexed bullshit lyrics like “If you fucking with me, really fucking with me. You let her put her hands in your pants and be my li’l freak.”
To have framed the issue as if it’s the MO solely of females was bogus. From Hank Williams’ Your Cheating Heart to Bill Withers’ Use Me or The Temptations’ Ain’t Too Proud To Beg, artists (many of the greats) have always put raw emotions to paper and recorded joints like this and, obviously, not just women. One of the biggest pathetic-beggin’-ass-punk songs of all time was Boyz II Men’s End of The Road (first broke Elvis’ 36 year record for song that spent the most weeks at #1):
I wonder if most of you on here commenting on this song feel the same way about Mary J. Blige. Mary forged the beginning of her entire career on this type of content. I don’t believe the song is pathetic. In fact, it’s the reality of many women. I don’t think Melanie is promoting or condoning unhealthy relationships……she’s simply shedding light on a topic that has been talked about time and time again. I think most of us women would be lying if we said that we have not been in that type of situation before; loving someone so much that common sense goes out the window.