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Lonely Girls’ Club

Thursday Nov 5, 2009 – By Jaida McKie

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Are you 21+ with no relationship experience? Never been on a date or approached by a guy you actually like?

Sometimes it may seem like you’re the only girl in the world who never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, or been on a date. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it seems like it’s impossible to have a platonic relationship with a guy. Feeling intimidated or shy around a guy is a natural emotion, but eliminating these feelings is easier said than done. You may feel like guys overlook the good girls for the easy score, which is true in some instances. It’s not fair, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles, but you don’t have to accept that. There are good guys that you may think are cool, but one of three things happen: 1) They’re like a brother/best friend to you 2) They’re taken or 3) Both.

Being your own woman should always come first, but everyone gets lonely sometimes. It’s Fall now, the weather is changing, and everybody seems to be ‘boo’d up’ except for you. I know it’s a bummer, but focusing on yourself and waiting for the right guy to come your way is key because you won’t achieve anything if you rush it.

So here’s a word of encouragement Clutchettes:

Take your time, don’t rush. Continue to be yourself, strive to be the best you can be at everything you do, remain genuine, and eventually you’ll find someone who appreciates all you have to offer. Remember, there are tons of girls out there just like you so you’re not alone.

Alysha says:

November 5, 2009 at 10:25 am

I saw the headline and thought, “OMG! Clutch is killing me softly! Why are they writing about my life?!!” Good to know I’m not the only one.

↑ Reply

brandi says:

November 9, 2009 at 12:01 am

lol i agree.

Anna-Alecia says:

November 5, 2009 at 1:31 pm

So totally came at the right time. I just had my 21st b-day, going to graduate with my Bachelors in May and feeling like I’m gonna be single for the rest of my life. I’m (prayerfully) going to Law School next fall and who has time to date then? I feel like a failure for going to a HBCU and still can’t get a guy to just spend time with. It seems so contradictory that (people say) I’m smart and pretty but I can’t get more than a hello. LOL, sometimes I feel like SkeeLo…”I wish a was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller…..”

lee says:

November 5, 2009 at 2:26 pm

anna are u kidding me! girl you got time. men your age aren’t even ready to handle your awesomeness. they are too busy messing around with the girls who aren’t wifey material.

ceecee says:

November 5, 2009 at 5:08 pm

@ Anna, wish I could give you a big hug right now.
In addition to what lee and jaida have written, keep an open mind and learn to be happy with yourself – for some crazy reason, I’ve heard on good authority that guys smell desperation. Good luck sweetie!

oyinkan says:

November 5, 2009 at 5:13 pm

story of my life! and i keep wondering if something will be different later or if i’ll have to be different…not meaning that i change myself, but instead of hoping that i’ll meet a guy in school, just putting myself out there in places/situations that i wouldn’t normally be in.

ActingDrama says:

November 5, 2009 at 8:42 pm

This post is my life verbatim. I will be turning 23 next week.

It feels like I am the only one that has never has a real boyfriend.

sloane says:

November 6, 2009 at 12:29 am

i feel like this is me. constantly dating but never in a relationship. i’d rather be boo’d up then be taken out to dinner for the umpteenth time so i can go home alone. i don’t know why it’s so hard to be close to someone for an extended period of time and i do kind of feel like i’ll be single for the rest of my life.

@anna- girl you are young and you have a lot of good things going for you. you’ll find the right person. just try to concentrate on getting yourself into to law school. ;- )

Jay says:

November 6, 2009 at 1:11 am

@anna-girl I am 22. I had my first real kiss at 21 by accident. I tripped over his foot, lmao! He was older and I had been avoiding kissing him because I had never done it before. Like when I say I am a virgin, I mean to everything including dating, lol. I am about to graduate from college, too. When you go to Law school you’re going to meet your husband, I think. Me on the other hand, smh…

Charlay King says:

November 6, 2009 at 11:12 am

To keep this short and sweet: Focus on what you have in front of you and everything else (i.e. relationships) will fall into place (Just because you think you have it all together doesn’t mean you do). Handle the small commitments before you take on bigger commitments. Another thing with all of our accomplishments we have to ask ourselves “Am I really ready for what I want?” Relationships are a lot of work.

chiffon*kisses says:

November 6, 2009 at 12:50 pm

“Take your time, don’t rush. Continue to be yourself, strive to be the best you can be at everything you do, remain genuine, and eventually you’ll find someone who appreciates all you have to offer.”

worst. advice. ever.

this will keep you single.

ever heard of dating with purpose? potential SOs don’t fall out the sky. be proactive.

moreover, if you havent had a date or at least a pseudo-boyfriend by the time you are 21, honey you need to do some serious self-reevaluation. There is a reason why you– in being “yourself”– has yet to attract anyone worth while. Common sense says, you arent doing something right love…..

thinkpink says:

November 6, 2009 at 7:12 pm

Chiffon Kisses my thoughts exactly! The harsh reality is if you’re 21 and haven’t been approached by a guy then there’s a pretty good chance the problem is staring at you in the mirror. Women who find themselves in happy committed relationships rarely do so by accident. Its all about dating with a purpose, saying you want love and actively seeking it out. Thinking a man will just “fall” into your life will keep you single forever. Everything in life worth having requires hard work and effort. I’ve never understood why people think finding a potential mate will be any different.

Liah says:

November 7, 2009 at 7:06 pm

Thank you Clutch! This article is really comforting; I always relate to the material you women write.

It’s a tad embarrassing to not be as experienced at my age and it’s good to know I’m not the only one.

I’m a bit hurt by Chiffon Kisses statement about something being wrong with me though.

Chasity says:

November 8, 2009 at 4:40 pm

yes, thank you so much Clutch! It’s funny how I was just talking to a friend about this topic, but it is good to know I am not alone & quite encouraging. :)

Awesomeness says:

November 8, 2009 at 5:32 pm

this is me too. im 22 yrs old. never had a boyfriend, dudes approach but not the ones i want. and if the one i want approaches me i just get shy and push him away. i know my time will come. but sometimes it seems its hard to find a cute, available, goal oriented black man. smh

Tobi says:

November 8, 2009 at 10:47 pm

That’s bad for you to push them away…but I kinda know what you mean…still though- getting hurt is a risk you’ll have to take!

Tobi says:

November 8, 2009 at 10:54 pm

On one hand I agree with the proactive approach because women should be more goal oriented, but at the same time not everyone is so bold and knows how to flirt with someone they actually like. So if you want a man to love you for who you are, changing your shy/indirect nature to get his attention would be the wrong start.

Plus men don’t need to be flagged down. They know who they are interested in and like the chase in pinning that person down. The only time you need to get in their face is when you’ve felt there’s been some romantic banter between the two of you and the relationship should be taking the next step soon, but isn’t for some unknown reason…the only way you’ll find that reason out is to wave those red flags and corner him!

thatShortChick says:

November 9, 2009 at 7:10 pm

When I saw the link to this article on the sidebar – I immediately jumped out of my chair. This is the story of my life’and thank you Clutch for putting this out there.

I’m 23 years old, recently graduated from college and have never had a real boyfriend. Trust me when I say, there have been MANY a night and day when I’ve thought: “I’m really going to be single for the rest of my life.” I have been pursued by guys and have done some (ok, very little) pursuing but I’ve never felt that “thing” for another guy.

People say that a part of this is due to the fact that I’m so picky but I have standards and I’m proud of having them because so many of my peers and friends get into trouble because they either didn’t have any or let their boyfriend talk them into doing something they weren’t prepared to handle.

But the best thing about all of this singledom is that I am not afraid of all my “me time.” I know how to entertain myself and am very comfortable with who I am.

sunshine says:

November 10, 2009 at 12:35 am

I really liked reading this article. This truly hit home with me because sometimes I find myself willing to settle for the wrong type of man just so i can say that I’m in a relationship and fill a void in my life that another person cant fix. To all of my ladies out there who feel that doing this will fix something, believe me it doesn’t, because the last time i did that it ended really bad and i was angry with myself for allowing that situation into my life. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you if you’re single….trust me if a man is interested in you he will definitely let you know, but its up to you (if you’re interested) to show him that you’re feeling him too, which can possibly lead to a meaningful friendship and relationship. You don’t have to change who you are, obviously if he approached you he saw something he liked

anonygrl says:

November 10, 2009 at 3:20 am

i’m 18, but i feel like in a few years i’ll still be never been kissed/single/etc. i think mine has a lot to do with me being really shy and any guy who even shows he’s vaguely interested in me is automatically relegated to the “friend zone”–and all the guys i’m genuinely attracted to don’t know i exist.

Alex says:

November 11, 2009 at 7:32 am

I have to agree with sunshine on this one. And add that I’m going through some serious issues with my ex, I man that I basically settled for, because I was on the rebound and felt like I needed/wanted to be with somebody. Single handed worst mistake of my life. I wish had waited to pursue a relationship, the previous one I went some things I was not ready for and still have to deal with the consequences. Plus if you think about it the fewer relationships , the probability of having hang ups and issues won’t leak into your new are fewer as well I think.

dionne says:

November 11, 2009 at 8:19 pm

I agree with Chiffon Kisses who knows when eventually will happen. while in college I would go on study dates with guys I were not necessarily attracted to just for fun. It’s all about being open to possibilities and putting yourself out there. all the people who sigh and say,”you’ll find somebody” are never single. they didn’t wait. there has to be a cutie at the gym or the supermarket or in your study group. be willing to spend time. don’t play games with dudes either.