Matrimony, the Successful Black Woman and Where Steve Harvey’s Theory Goes Wrong

Aura says:

Amen!! –> “Despite the reports, there is hope for the professional young Black woman who is willing to stay true to herself, while maintaining an open heart and mind.”

THANK YOU!!

lilkunta says:

Steve Harvery needs to STFU. He shouldnt be giving relationship advice. He cheated on his first wife & they divorced; he cheated on hsi 2nd wife numerous times and they divorced; and now he is in his 3rd marriage. Plus he isnt willingly taking care of his youngest son w Mary, Wynton Harvey so Mary ( 2nd wife ) has to sue.

He annoys me.

chiffon*kisses says:

Black marriage rates are steadily on the rise. In fact, they are at the highest theyve been in about 20 or so years…. but for some reason that doesnt seem to be newsworthy smh

I’m also tired of people taking “70% single BW” out of context. According to the US Census, “single” status not only applies to never married persons, but also divorcees and widows.
According to US Census 2005-2007 American Community Survey:
-Out of black men, age 15 and older, 48.2% are never married. 39.1% are married/separated, and 9.8% are divorced.
-Out of black women, age 15 and older, 44.7% are never married. 32.6% are married/separated, and 13% are divorced.

Truth is, not only do more than half black women get married at some point, but they marry at higher rates than black men. Clearly we, as black women, arent the ones with the biggest problem….but you never here about the men now do you…smh

These sorts of articles/interviews are nothing but propaganda. Talk about journalistic integrity, they are distorting the facts to exploit black women for white entertainment. If you are going to tell a story, tell the WHOLE story.

Clnmike says:

It’s exactly the same you keep tying in trophy to looks when it is about what the individual feels is reward for their accomplishments.

If you are listing off your accopmlishments as a reason why you deserve such and such then you are basing your relationship off an award system, that make it a trophy.

The “hot chick” is not the only criteria for some men for others it could be her family ties which can benifit him, her race, or if she has money all depending on what he finds of value.

“Successful women seek to get a guy they can build with from the same plateau.Two financially independent people, ya know?”

I dont think Halle Berry’s baby daddy/ trophy doesnt fit that mold, in fact there are quite a few women who buck that trend.

Seeking an equal and believing that you are entitled to that because of your achievments is just as naive as those who seek out people for looks. Absolutley no consideration for the other human being, they are thinking “it’s about me”.

Now there is nothing wrong with that but dont expect people to feel sorry for them or to give a rats butt when there seems to be a lot of men and women who are doing just find with out the “woe is me story”.

Solgar says:

You know what time it is and what the agenda is of those who have the power to control peoples’ minds (media) when this makes ABC.

Situations like these are worse within other groups and they carry on and work things out THEMSELVES, yet we seem to be eternally locked into the affects of a conquered/colonised/terrorised people who always look up to and turn to those who conquered us in the first instance.

If we were AUTONOMOUS, had control of ourselves as a whole and were not integrated and therefore controlled and AT THE MERCY OF WESTERN SOCIETY this would not happen.

I’m tired of the praise that black women get if they ‘make it’ with the same lifestyle aspirations that white women have. It’s as if they are still the master. Why is it so hard for black women and people of Afrikan heritage/Diaspora to grasp the fact that you have a totally different set of memories, history, heritage to work from and inform the way you push forward in life ?

How many black people have the intention of going to college to gain the tools that they need to go back into our communities to set up new or strengthen existing institutions and systems that empower our communities as a whole. Not just man, not just woman, not just child, not just old but the whole community, as one, moving forward together as one, instead of working for the system and institutions that work against us so we can become POWERFUL and AUTONOMOUS.

Ayanna says:

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE LADIES!!! THIS MEANS 58% OF US ARE MARRIED!

Every racial group of successful women have the same problems African American women are having!

Notice she said 24% of white women have NEVER been married; but 45% of white women are not married (meaning 21% more are divorced than we are!)

Just like they tried to say the majority of welfare recipients were black and it turned out the majority of recipients were white.

Once again the media is stepping in to cause us to doubt ourselves, make eligible black men more cocky than they need be, and allow other groups to feel superior by comparison. This may seem insignificant, but there is a domino effect.

Read more:
“Fifty-one percent of Latina woman are unmarried, so are 45% of non-Hispanic White women, and 41% of Asian women.”
“Fifty-one percent of Latina woman are unmarried, so are 45% of non-Hispanic White women, and 41% of Asian women.”

AnonyMiss says:

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find someone that is equally successful. I know if i worked hard to make big bank, I’d probably want to marry someone that was equally as hardworking if not more, just because clearly economic success is important to me. I’m really not that kind of gal but I respect women who are up there and want a guy who is up there too. No one tells white women its wrong when they stay at home and seek out rich men to take care of them. So why are people complaining when hardworking black women want a man who is the same? it’s not like they’re asking for handouts. they just want someone who can add rather than subtract from their assetts. the only thing is, they have to get real and realize that finding a black man who meets this ideal is more than just difficult… i don’t want to say its impossible but for a lot of reasons that kind of a woman has a slim chance of finding a black man on her level so i think women in that position really need to widen their options and try dating men of other races.

Alexa says:

They’re are focusing on this because the media seems to want to divide blacks(thats what i think). This will drive black people further apart, keep blacks head to head with each other and promote interracial dating(not that its wrong) to decrease the black population. I bet they’re having a filed day at Stormfront with this one. I dont know why those women even agreed to do those interviews. While the segment focused on Black women, it made Black men look extremely bad. Because thats who they focused on as far as dating partners & they flat out said black men are ineligible.

At the end of the day, I dont think they should settle(not that their standards weren’t silly). I’ve seen what happens to black women when they settle. and it aint pretty.
I hope more black women aspire to be those women in the video (w/o the superficialness of course), instead of the ones I see on Maury. We need more successful black women. Pick your choice America!! I’d rather see more women like this everyday, than the std ridden bittermama’s i see in clinics.

Educated 1 says:

Propaganda much? I would never watch this and subject my mind to brainwashing. Stop falling into the trap.

RussGort says:

Would someone tell me why is it that Black women are so gullible to fall for the Tangible Assets Status and Glitz and Glamour game by declaring to run out and choose a mate of none color, ergo Johnny Caucasian, Johnny Asian or Lisa Lipstick Lesbian. Anyone other than a Black man so that they can surely find and have that stereotypical White defined successful and happy marriage for the sake of meeting the criteria of whom……………. certainly not those of a conscious people such as Black People nor of they’re individual selfish selves unbeknown to them for that matter.
It would seem that with all the Degreed success heaped upon the Black female that she remains an educated fool, naive enough still to fall for the okey doke of Materialism and a guess spot on Oprah with her White Knight in shining armor to validate her acceptance in Massahs realm and prove that his Ice is colder. What is marriage to Black women? A status symbol ? And status in whose society. Are not the same ingredients for happiness to be found within our own race from our own men, without jumping ship too quicker greener or whiter pastures of social staus and acceptance from the Dominant society in this Hemisphere? What exactly is meant by a Black man on the same intellectual level as a Black female, and is it hard to find a Black man to match the criteria or just easier to selfishly run out of patience for quick status gratification? It sickens me to hear or read of Black women looking to jump ship to the other races because they buy into the convaluted notion that we as Black men are not worth the wait or the work. Last I checked we are still as a people behind enemy lines and are in need of each other in spite of our fractured growth. Is there a different marketing campaign that you launch toward a White male as opposed to the Black male? Is the response from White men more appealing with substantial wealth attached? Does he (the White man) really understand you better as a woman of color or is he just better oriented in knowing how to treat you like a lady, and what is that and how did you come to define it as a Black Woman and by whose cultural standards was it defined? There is nothing wrong with looking for the best in a mate! But just what constitutes a man as being the best for a Black woman? Is it out of reach when dealing with a Black man or just not there quick enough for the Black females level of patience ? The thought of either of us as Black people spurning each other for some one else out of our race really angers me more so now these days than at any other time. The ball is in the Sisters court more than she possibly knows, and yet aside from the skill of manipulation, she does’nt seem to know just what to do with it or how to use it to make strong her position in keeping the Race intact and marching upward from the mediocrity that we have been so plagued with all of these years. All of that education that could go a long way to solidifying our community through her leadership and strength and she yet can’t see the importance of the bigger picture yet to come and pisses it all off in anger or impatience with the enemy no less. For a few dollars more !
I for one am still in love with the power and beauty of the Black woman. I see her as she is and as she will be in the growth and struggle that we face together. Not what she and I will accumulate in wealth only! The Material Chicken Head mentality albeit with a Degree in tow from the Black woman hurts and bothers me greatly, but I will still pursue her faithfully and dilligently , as I feel she is the greatest prize to be blessed with provided she is in a proper frame of mind. A mind of her own reckoning, not fooled by the struggle within this society. I would never jump ship for the White waters. I wish I could say the same for her. But what do I know ? After all I do not have a Vagina to compromise the values of the White mans world with. Nor would I seek to do so if it were so. Is the Black female such a strong person after all ? Maybe it just seems that way because of a prestigious Degree from ……………………..? !!!!!!!!!

ENJ says:

@Dot, I feel your frustration with RussGort, but do you really think by being so critical you can really get a point across? I was with you up until you said his “dissertation was a waste of time, pathetic, and pretentious.” You lose people with your insults and all you do is deter readers from the true topic at hand. Instead of offering solutions to his “emotional diatribe”, you berate his frustrations. You made such valid points, as did RussGort, but we need to figure out a way to not be so insulting with one another.

@RussGort, you sound like you’re angry at black women for thinking outside of the box. Unfortunately, not enough of our men have not shown us that they can be the stand up men that we need them to be. Incarceration, babies all over the damn place, some HS education, and multiple women are just some of the traits that we see in more than just a handful of black men. Of course this may not be the majority, but its more than enough for people (including black people) to see them in this light. Sad, but true.

What needs to be changed is not only the perception, but the way black men portray themselves in society. Many celebrities, specifically rappers, do not feel it is their responsibility to be role models. But at this point in time, we can’t just leave it up to Obama to show the world that there is more to black men than what society shows us. Obama is 1 out of a million, compared to the rappers plastered on our TV screens and radio stations.

When a different portrayal of black men is seen, not only on television, but in actual reality, maybe more black women will be persuaded to give black men a shot again.