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Meet__________ My Underachieving BoyfriendHave you sacrificed your standards for love or stayed with a ten-year college senior due to you seeing potential in him and his future. Don’t worry you are not alone, a lot of us date down, so to say, due to not meeting quality prospects. Dating down is not always a bad thing, especially when the person you are dating is ambitious, driven and trying. Trying is the key word when deciding if you are going to say in the relationship. Take my situation; I was with my underachiever for five years off and on. I saw so much potential in him; he was smart, witty and had enough dreams for the both of us. We had one difference, I acted on my dreams and goals he just talked about it. Even when I encouraged him to finish school or to try to get a better job, he was satisfied where he was, and how could I help someone with changing something they are content with.

As time went on I graduated from grad school while he was still struggling in undergrad. He only seemed to care about Play Station, his boys and Sport Center. I still continued to encourage him to stay on top of his goals and dreams, but my encouragement became nagging to him. I hated how I was able to see such a great future for him and he couldn’t. After years and years of trying to help him I finally said enough and moved on. Every year or so I call him to see if he has made any advancements in his life and he has — but the advancements are so minimal it’s not worth it to revisit our relationship.

So when is it time to move on? How do you know that person is just going through a phase and will pick of the speed of ambition soon? Honestly, only you can answer that question. One of the clear signs of change is asking for help or self-improvement. If you see him reading books that are not required by his professor, talking about his financial future or setting mini goals and actually completing them, that is a sign of hope. But, if he continues to talk about smoking weed, clubbing, skipping classes, being promoted to third-shift manager and living with friends or family, then maybe it’s time for a break or break-up.

I actually thought if he saw me making major career moves, growing mentally and growing up he would finally get it and do the same. You also have to ask yourself if this is what you really want and start looking at his past behavior in certain areas of his life to see if you two have a chance in the future. For example, if his credit sucks and can’t balance a checkbook, can you really trust him with your finances when you’re married? If he buys a Play Station game before paying his car note, then that may be a sign of your financial future together.

And maybe, just maybe you deserve a man equal to you! A man that is doing thangs…yes…thangs. I always loved guys who were into school and were driven, but I never could seem to catch one or the ones that were interested — I wasn’t interested in. But, I knew when I was able to run into someone with similar qualities and goals as me that he would be my potential boyfriend or husband. So, first figure out if he is really what you want and if he is and you are willing to wait for him to play catch up — get ready for a bumpy road. A bumpy road that could possibly lead to happiness…who knows…love conquers all…right?

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  • Cierra

    this article saved my life

  • Leela

    AMEN! So many woman will settle just because of the fear of being viewed as a failure if they do not have a man!

  • LouLou

    I don’t see the purpose of carrying dead weight in a relationship. I wouldn’t want anyone holding me back. I was in a relationship like that at one point in time. Trust me, it becomes more of a burden and a chore. Let it GO!!!!