Canadian Blogger and Author, Christian Lander, takes a socio-anthropological approach towards examining a modern day phenomenon in North American culture in his hysterical blog titled StuffWhitePeopleLike.com. Now, for those of you who are well versed in the ways of white folk, or who may even be white yourselves, this blog will indubitably have you lyao.
This self-proclaimed “scientific approach to highlight and explain stuff white people like,” is akin to a guidebook for the non-white individual to better understand (and hopefully navigate) throughout the world of whiteness. As of today, SWPL has a listing of 125 things white people adore, replete with wonderfully lucid descriptions that sum up the matter with succinct hilarity. Observe the following common customs:
#91 San Francisco: The city is considered one of the world’s premiere locations for white person research…..The City of San Francisco has a very multicultural population that ranges from white to gay to Asian. Within white culture this known as “ideal diversity” for its provision of exotic restaurants while simultaneously preserving property values.
#125 Bob Marley: During the course of a white person’s education they will go through many phases including but not limited to: “awkward,” “classic rock,” and “being really into a foreign country.” Of these phases, there is only one that all white people are required to go through before they can obtain their bachelor’s degree. It is known as “Bob Marley…..” If you wish to test this theory, go to any floor in a College Dorm and there is a 100% chance you will find at least one Bob Marley poster. But be warned that a white person saying they like “reggae” what they really mean is “reggae from 1965-1983.” Under no circumstances should you ever bring a white person to a dancehall reggae concert, it will frighten them.
#53 Dogs: A lot of cultures love dogs – be it for entertainment, labor, or other. But white people love dogs on an entirely different level. It should be understood that in white culture, dogs are considered training for having children. That is to say that any white couple must get a dog before they have kids. This will prepare them for responsibility by having another creature to feed, supervise its bathroom activities, and to love. Because of this, white people generally assume that their dog is their favorite child unless otherwise stated.
When actual children are born, the dog is not displaced but rather remains as the most important member of the household. This is because of the fact that white children will eventually hate their parents, but dogs will love anyone who feeds them.
#20 Being an expert on YOUR culture: White people are pretty conflicted about their culture. On one hand, they are proud of the art, literature, and film produced by white culture. But at the same time, they are very ashamed of all the bad things in white culture: the KKK, colonialism, slavery, Jim Crow laws, feudalism, and the treatment of Native Americans. One way they can make up for it is becoming marginally acquainted with foreign cultures. It is imperative that you recognize how special and unique this white person is for knowing about your culture. Acceptable responses include “Wow, I’ve never seen a white person order chicken feet…..” Also, they consider [it] a reminder that they are not racist, which also makes them feel terrific.
Next time you are in need of a hearty chuckle, get a load of stuffwhitepeoplelike.com like for more droll observations that “investigate, explain, and offer advice for finding social success with the Caucasian persuasion.”