We’re all aware of the horrific incident that occurred between singers Chris Brown and Rihanna prior to the Grammy Awards this February. Even now when you look back, it’s still hard to believe that the seemingly innocent Brown has a Jekyll and Hyde persona lurking underneath his good boy image. Picking up the pieces after such an atrocity will be hard for both Rihanna and Brown to recover from. You can’t just put a band-aid over domestic violence or cross your fingers and hope that over time the world will forget the issue. Turning back the hands of time is a trick only done in the movies and unfortunately in their case, this is real life. So what does Brown have to do to recover his life and career from such a highly publicized tragedy?
Of course, there’s the obvious measures Breezy needs to take to bring his life back from a fate of uncertainty. But even after he enters anger management or blankets us with the standard redemption routine of generating a series of public service announcements on the subject of stamping out domestic abuse, or after dropping a sizable donation to aid domestic violence charities like Women’s Aid or The National Center for Victims of Crime, will it still be enough for “baby” to win us over? Doubtful. I think it’s time for Brown to do some real growing up and some pretty hefty begging in order to salvage his career and possibly regain the hand of Ms. Rihanna.
There’s no more hiding under the Umbrella for Mr. Brown, after his unscrupulous actions people are lining up around the world to write him off. Forever. But, I have a solution. Because I spend my spare time pondering ridiculous ideologies and possible “what ifs” for helping the careers of the rich and famous, I’m just the person Brown’s camp needs to advise and guide him into recapturing the last few speckles of his fallen career. In an attempt to keep it real and keep it fun and entertaining, when it comes to my opinion, Breezy, you need to get in on my 10 step program.
Here’s the Top 10 Things Chris Brown Needs to do to Save His Career and Possibly Get Rihanna Back.
1) “MTV Presents Chris Brown: Road to Redemption” the TV Show.
When it comes to making that silent pledge and promise to the world that you intend to take the necessary steps to get your act together, simple words won’t be enough. We’ve heard it all before. If MTV steps into the picture, just like they did for T.I., and documents Browns road through rehab, recovery, and restitution we might actually begin to see and believe he truly has remorse for his unscrupulous actions before and after the incident. I, just like Usher, am still confused about the Miami jet skiing pictures. I guess I’ve heard of aquatic therapy, so in Browns defense, maybe he was just practicing a new form of alternative medicine. Sure. Yet in still, in order to wash away the damage he’s done, we’re going to need to see solid visual proof of change. So, in the era of Big Brother, not only are we watching you Chris Brown, but we want to be able to kick up our feet and enjoy a hot bowl of popcorn too. I’ll be watching for the episode titled Boot Camp with Dr. Phil.
2) Reemergence as a Christian Contemporary Artist
The best way to show the world you’re doing something about your issues is to bring your problems straight to the creator. Listen Chris, It’s going to take a lot to persuade the entire world to line up in front of the Virgin Record Mega Store to cop your next CD, unless… you change your image and your sound into having a more angelic and graceful appearance. My suggestion: ditch the secular music and trade songs like Take You Down for the Christian spin off titled, Take Me Up and Dreamer for the remixed version called Redeemer and you’ll be all good in the neighborhood. A “born again” Chris Brown, will convince the world that not only are you sorry for your abusive actions, but you’re also strong enough in your faith to think twice before you ever use your hands to harm the hair on the heads of one of your fellow brothers and sisters.
3) Joining the cult: The Coalition of People Who Think the Answers to Life Exist inside of Will Smith Movies.
Since my brother is the unofficial president of this fake organization, I’ve learned that 7 Pounds is highly enlightening and gives us a new outlook on the importance of organ donation and also a look at just how precious human life really is. Hitch, teaches men respect and the way in which they should date and treat the women they’re interested in. I am Legend shows us just how necessary it is to treasure our fragile lives and the time we have on earth. The very title, The Pursuit of Happiness suggests a journey towards personal satisfaction, which will help extinguish the frustrations in life that can lead to a person physically acting out or harming their loved ones. Men in Black, shows us a new way to exercise our aggression; not on humanity, but rather Aliens and their attempt to take over our planet. Brilliant. Cozying up to Will Smith and his entourage of 1st class thespians like Tom Cruise and Tyler Perry, will put Brown in a whole new class of the elite. It might also be just the thing he needs to wipe away that bad boy image he’s created for himself. It’s a proven fact that the world loves Big Willy and everything that comes along with him. He’s quite like a national treasure. They’ve even started a petition to rename the 4th of July, Will Smith Day, since he owns the theatrical box office that weekend every year. Far-fetched? Maybe, but if you sign up Chris, not only will you be enlightened by him and his movies, but I’ll throw in a, “I Love Will Smith” button for you too.
4) A moment in the “Punching Booth” at Six Flags over Georgia.
If there even is such a thing, but just follow me. Sure, as my friend aptly put it, Rihanna needs to pull an Anna Mae Bullock and slap Chris Breezy in the face with a stiletto of her own. But she doesn’t have to, the world is willing to stand in line and handle the issue for her. Being a charitable punching bag at a local amusement park for a mere $5 a hit, will not only satisfy the people who want a chance to lay into Brown, but it could also possibly raise a little more money for the charities I previously mentioned above. Would you line up for a chance to take a hit? Let me know if there’s a pre-sale. You can mark me down for 5 tickets please.
5) Releasing an autobiography about his struggles as an abuser. “Chris Brown: I’m Fighting with the Man in the Mirror.”
A lot of us have a painful past that contributes to some of the choices we make when in the heat of the moment. I get that. But when you’re in the spotlight and constantly under the radar, people don’t expect you to be human or make mistakes that exist on such a high magnitude. In theory, you’re supposed to be the example or rather the model for everyone watching. When you make a severe mistake, not only does the world desire answers but they also want the ability to further understand you. The best way to redemption is to give people a 270 page look at your pain, your past and all your closeted demons that rest inside your aura. If we can “feel your pain,” than it’ll be easier for us to show you grace and unconditional love.
6) An Oscar worthy film role that mirrors his struggles as an Abuser. Art imitates life. This is the theory that the world loves to see. Look how Mickey Rourke’s performance in The Wrestler dusted off his fallen career, and almost earned him an Oscar after spending several years outside of the mainstream spotlight. In real life, he’s an actor, did a stint as a boxer and has struggled with addiction issues of his own, quite like his character Randy “The Ram” Robinson. It was easy for him to step into the role and own it because many aspects of the character may have mirrored his own life. If Brown could step into the perfect film role that somehow connects with the struggles within his personal life it could single-handedly replenish his acting career. Depending upon the depth of his performance we may even somehow forget its fiction and find the empathy to finally forgive him for his actions.
7) Live from Broadway, for One Night Only. Chris Brown presents: The Vagina Monologues.
Sanaa Lathan, Queen Latifah, Diahann Carroll and Michelle Rodriguez are among the many talented women that have had the opportunity to perform the controversial, feminist, episodic play titled, The Vagina Monologues which touches on female empowerment, love, individuality, abuse, rape, menstruation and of course the Vagina. A lot of the proceeds from this production have been donated to charities that work to end violence against women. I’m not sure whether a man has ever graced the stage and read this celebration of love and femininity but Brown has the opportunity to be the first in line. It will give him a new outlook on the importance of valuing the opposite sex. Releasing his inner Vagina will help him have more respect for women, their struggles and their strengths as individuals. It will help him tone down his bravado and walk through life more carefully when mingling with Rihanna.
8) A sabbatical with the Maharishi.
Although Maharishi Mahesh Yogi passed in 2008, his teachings on Transcendental Meditation still exist. It’s the art of allowing the mind to quiet itself in attempt to attain enlightenment and peace from deep within. Back in 1968, The Beatles spent a lot of time in India studying TM under Maharishi and soon after they left, they were penning songs like, All You Need is Love. How peaceful. Seems like the perfect solution for Brown and his quest to unite his turbulent spirit with a peace and tranquility. Om…
9) Entry in the Ultimate Fighting Championships (UFC).
The phrase, “Pick on somebody your own size,” comes to mind here. If Rihanna sees that Chris Brown has found a way to safely dispel his aggressions, she may feel safe reentering a relationship with him. For a person who likes to bite, punch, and head butt women, I think a moment in the ring with Rashad Evans or Anderson Silva will knock some sense into Brown and make him think twice before he decides to mix rage with violence again.
10) A public apology to the world and Rihanna.
Unless I blinked and missed it, or forgot to pay my cable bill the day he made a statement, I have yet to hear or have knowledge of Brown ever stepping in front of a camera and asking the world and Rihanna to accept his apology. People generally make mistakes whether big or small, and no one in life can ever profess to be perfect, but at some point in time you need to acknowledge the issues at hand. The same will it took to act out in violence, needs to cross a threshold of courage to ask the world to forgive you. It’s an easy recipe for regaining a person’s trust and composure, and it’s one of the quickest ways to meet that theory at the door. Only say it if you mean it, it’s real simple, “I’m sorry.” A public apology is long overdue.