79671443What do Drake, T.O., and Mekhi Phifer have in common?

Head scarves.

That’s right; you read correctly, your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. The aforementioned males have expressed, or rather implied, either their like or dislike for the head scarf, a hair accessory worn primarily by Black women, to maintain their lovely tresses. What’s the big deal you ask? Well, there really isn’t a big deal, but there is a point to this trivial topic; meaning its intent is to be taken light-heartedly. Inquiring minds want to know; what’s the matter with women who wear them, or should I say, what’s wrong with the men who love to hate them? The “scarf” is a low maintenance technique which sole’s purpose is to keep every strand of our mane fresh and intact while sleeping, showering, or just lounging around the house. This head garment also known as a bandanna is like an extension of us, and part of our culture that dates back decades, even centuries. As young black girls, the satin scarf was kind of like a staple in the black household. We saw everyone, including our mamas, grand mamas, and aunts put them on religiously. The most notable person we know among us, who wore one, was Aunt Jemima. For those who are unfamiliar.

This history in itself is important to our race. However, today, scarves have multiple uses, and are more commonly worn by modern, hip women of all ethnicities as a fashion statement; adding style to a wardrobe. It doesn’t represent a negative undertone as it once did, unless used by someone in such a manner.

Now that I’ve given you a little bit of background, let’s cut to the nonsense. If you’ve been anywhere near a radio or television screen lately, then you probably have heard the following comments.

“Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no makeup on. That’s when you’re the prettiest I hope that you don’t take it wrong.” –Drake

I’m sure many of you ladies can appreciate this verse spoken by Drake, new rapper on the scene, in his song titled, “Best I Ever Had”. It sounds like this is a guy who loves natural beauty; when a woman is stripped down to her bare essence. I don’t know much about this newcomer, but he seems like a humble kid who isn’t caught up in the fame … just yet.

The women that I date, they don’t wear scarves to bed. … You look like Aunt Jemima in a candy store.” –T.O.

Terrell Owens (aka T.O.), professional football player, had the audacity to let these words roll off his tongue to his best friend/publicist Kita on his new reality show. *Giving him the side eye* Whoa, I think dude has been stuck in a bubble with Shallow Hal. I sort of expected different from a black man who was raised down south with his black sisters, by a southern black mama and grand mama; considering, more than likely he witnessed these main women in his life wrap a scarf around their heads. Of course, I don’t know for a matter of fact, but I can you bet you his multi-million dollar contract he did.

“Then you go home and your wife is in sweatpants with a rag on her head and you haven’t gotten head in a month?” –Mehki Phifer

Moving right along to the next set of words spewed from the loins of actor Mekhi Phifer, upon his divorce from actress Malinda Williams, which would possibly provoke a few women to take an iron cast frying pan to his noggin, or throw a hot pot of grits at his True Religion jeans (I wouldn’t dare say face, since we don’t condone violence), but you catch my drift.

I also took to the cyber world and rounded up a few comments made by everyday, ordinary men on the issue. Peep what they had to say.

“Of course we don’t want our women to wear scarves to bed, but we understand you’ll have to, to keep your hair laid longer.” –Unknown Male

“What bothers me is when she wears it outside the house. Besides, I’m a hair person so whatever it takes for her to keep the hair lookin’ right.” –Name Withheld

“Black men shouldn’t have to date white women and exotic women of other cultures just to avoid the “urban turban” experience. But perhaps this is a personal pet peeve of mine that other black men don’t worry about.” –Name Withheld

While all of these men are entitled to their opinions, by human right, I’m permitted to express mine. I’m not judging them by what they say, just simply making an observation. Of course there are some underlying issues with a couple of these dudes, which I shall address. First, I think T.O. has somewhat of an identity crisis. As a kid growing up in his hometown of Alabama, he wasn’t accepted by little black girls at school, and considered the “ugly duckling”. I suppose this would make someone internally bitter, causing them to resent where they come from so to speak. In other words, “y’all” didn’t like me back then, so I’m on the fence about “y’all” at the present. Then, it appears Mehki Phifer was in revenge mode, and deemed it necessary to talk down on his estranged wife for whatever reason. Possibly, to divert the blame from his infidelity or just an excuse he used, instead of being honest in saying he no longer wanted to be married and desired something new. Note: This is all pure speculation on my part. Either way, it is obvious their issues are deeper rooted than the surface.

I guess at the end of the day, most men, if not all, aren’t too fond of us donning the beloved rag over our heads, but it’s necessary for some. I personally don’t wear them. I sleep, shower, have sex, etc. sans the scarf, because I have a short do; and been able to maintain my hairstyle since 1996 without one. Whether you wear them for personal, social, or religious reasons; who cares? It’s your hair, and you can do as you please. As India Arie once said, “I am not my hair” … in this case, “I am not my hair scarf!”

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  • John Daly

    I wish more white women wore silk head scarves. I luv them

  • CubaMama

    I’m a Hispanic girl very light looking and I wear my hair in a scar to bed. I sleep in soft rolos, roll my hair in a bun to keep it wavy, or wrap my hair around my hair when I occasionally straighten it. I don’t have Afro texture hair but my hair is very dry, poofy, tangles and knots very easily, and it coarse. I dislike using heat on my hair even from a blow dryer so all my styles require a scarf to maintain or keep up the style I wear. I don’t get this idea that only black girls wrap their hair. Hispanic women def do because we manipulate and do lots of shit to our hair. And I don’t think white or Asian girls do but they def should and I think they used to in the old days when people used pin curls and rollers etc. or wear weird things that press the bangs down lol you see it in old movies/TV land (don’t judge me). My hubby is black he understands bc I guess all his relatives wrap their hair and our daughter will too when she is old enough (toddler). But it IS awkward at times lol like when u want to have sex or something. It’s weird to feel sexy with a scarf on but I refuse I wear durag looking or poofy chef looking scarves lol. I use the long ones u can manipulate to tie into bows and diff ways to look cuter. Or get bright colors and silk and nice patterns. But lol I found this page looking for what ladies do in bed with their man – is it good to keep it on take it off or skip a night every now and then? I’ve done all three. #scarfsex

  • dubbs

    Why is it that trifiling behavior mist always be defended and justified in the black community? And worse, when it comes to black man bashing, black women gloriously join in, but reel and become indignant when they’re deficiencies are pointed out!?!

    I have seen countless blog posts defending the horrid weaves( as a blk man, I’d rather see a black woman in braids, dreds, press n curl, afro, halle berry short cuts, or BALD, rather than see th waste money and DEGRADE THEMSELVES by tying or gluing someone else’s DEAD HAIR TO THEIR HEADS!!)

    I could care less if black women wore scarves on their heads as a fashion-its,done in africa and the middle east. What we “brotha’s” have problems with is the nasty, trifling sisters dragging around in less than suitable clothing,bad attitudes,with filthy head rags on,but still expecting us to be both interested and complimenting in their appearance! This smacks of the highest level of contempt that blk women seem to think they can foist on blk men, but cry out on anguish when they themselves are approached with contempt!( the blogs on “raggedy ,tacky,trifling” blk men are endless on the internet)

    Do BETTER and you get treated better and you can DEMAND better in return

    • Guy Testarossa

      They probably have to justify it because it’s fugly! Notice how it’s mostly the nastiest, ugliest women who wear them, and then say they don’t care what people think or not? It’s because they’re resigned to thinking they can’t look any better, so they wrap their head like some old kitchen maid. Same goes for these gangster wanabes who go around looking like Aunt Jemima. It looks like crap whether male or female. BTW, don’t make this a race thing. White women do it too. Down South there’s all kinds of buckled white women wearing rags on their heads for reasons I’ll never begin to fathom. A word of advice: if you want to cover your head, wear a hat.

  • Rahkzana Arnett

    I have recently gotten into wearing a head covering. I think they are beautiful. Yesterday I was told I looked fresh because of the way I tied the scarf. I am not big into jewelry, doing my hair and now makeup. I have always been a simple person and I am coming to find I quite adore a scarf over my head verses gel, hair spray and other chemicals which ultimately damage my hair. Peace.

  • Lively LayD

    My ex used to get mad at me if I didn’t tie my hair at night. His not so subtle reminder “aren’t up gonna wrap that up?” I thought it was funny that he cares so much about my hair. He later told me that if he could put his wave cap on at night I could put on my silk scarf.