85906205We’ve all heard the terms Mama’s Boys and Daddy’s Girls but no one ever mentions Mama’s Girls. They are equivalent to Mama’s Boys, however, society seems to ignore or haven’t realized they exist. Let me explain. A mama’s girl is a female, 25 years of age or older, college graduate, works a professional job but is afraid of leaving the nest or from under her mamas figurative wings, because she’s become so attached to her. After high school, she goes off to college for a short period of time, but upon graduation, the thought of entering the real world is a challenge for her. She’s accomplished some of her goals in life, such as maneuvering her way through school to earn the highest degree, but deep down inside she has bigger ambitions. Fear is the basis of the problem, being she can’t fathom functioning without the backbone or support of her mother, and feels that anything she attempts outside of this realm may not be successful. Even if she musters up enough courage to move out and pay her own way, she’s with her mom around the clock, constantly at her house or inviting her to come over and hang out. Her relationships with men suffer, and she’s either single or finds herself in compromising situations.

How does being a Mama’s Girl affect her overall fulfillment in life?

Being a mama’s girl can be detrimental to say the least, but she is in denial and fails to realize its effects. The world often criticizes mama’s boys, and why is that? The same reasons apply for mama’s girls. Mama’s Girls are looked at as women who are incapable of making decisions for themselves. Regardless of education, she is perceived as someone with lots of insecurities who is not comfortable in her skin. It’s evident she hides behind her credentials and career, and crutches onto everything she’s learned from her mama instead of creating her own path in life. She lacks the boldness to venture out on all the hopes and dreams she longs for in bed at night, eventually leading to years of regret.

I hear women complain all the time about mama’s boys, and believe it or not, men feel the same way when they run across a mama’s girl. Men can’t stand a woman who is unsure of herself and can’t hold her ground. He can spot her a mile away, and will immediately run in the opposite direction. Women seem to think a job, house, and car is what makes them a hot commodity. I hate to be the bearer of bad news; it’s not. You’ve been listening to one too many Ne-Yo songs. It goes beyond material things. A man doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman who runs to mama every time they have a disagreement or argument. If you can’t figure out what’s best for you without the help of the person who spoon fed you, this shows what type of wife and mother you will be.

My advice for mama’s girls is to let your mama’s shirt tail go, release your hands from the seam and stop dragging along. By no means am I saying that you should not have a healthy, loving relationship with your mama, and go to her for advice from time-to-time, but there needs to be balance. It’s a thin line between close knit and smothering. Some get it twisted, thinking it’s impossible to have a strong bond with the woman who carried them for nine months, unless they have constant communication and interaction. That is so far from the truth. Just because your mama doesn’t know every single detail of your life, isn’t on the other end of the receiver every night, and doesn’t have a permanent dent in your couch; doesn’t mean you don’t have a special connection. It simply means you are both adults who respect each other’s lives. Ask yourself do you really have a good relationship with your mama or one that stunts your growth? A mama that’s truly on your team will tell you to do it afraid, and help push you to your highest potential. Stop making excuses and spread your wings and fly. When you focus on the negative aspect of breaking a wing and crashing to the ground; that’s what you will get. Change your mindset, and tell yourself that if you fall, you can get back up. It’s so cliché, but true. You only fail when you don’t get back up.

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  • s

    I didn’t think I was a mother’s girl until I read this piece and funny thing is I always say my little girl is a mama’s girl. I love my mother and there is no denying it.

  • Great piece! Reminds me of one of my aunts.

  • Mack

    Hmmmmm, I’m torn.
    On one hand, I agree that two adult females should give one another space and freedom to grow. On another, I think that “independence” from one’s family is a very Euro/ Anglo idea.

    so torn…

  • Trudat

    I like this post: no one ever mentions the mamma’s girl and their out there: trying to live up to their mothers dreams and expectations while trying to emulate their mothers as well.

    The ironic part is though many mama’s girl have so many GREAT qualities they create their own worst faults: unlike the mommas boy whoses behavior is lacking in general and theres no real phyice to it: beside the attacthment

    Good piece

  • I’m a mamas girl. I haven’t lived with her since college and have been in a different city since then, but she’s my person. I talk to her on the phone multiple times a day and she knows about everything that happens in my life, even my social outings. I feel blessed to have a mom who is also a best friend. I do have other friends and my husband loves our close bond. She never interferes and only offers advice when I ask, but mostly encourages me to make my own decisions. Some folks think it’s a bit much to have her so involved in my everyday life, but I’m enjoying my mom to the fullest while I have her here on earth with me.