88467569Imagine its 12 a.m. and you have just finished watching a re-run of Law & Order, TrueBlood or whatever televised guilty pleasure you prefer or you have just returned home from an exhilarating after-hour soiree boozed up with cosmopolitans or chardonnay and the feeling hits you. Your pulsating, warming, and vibrating in your nether regions and you would like nothing less than to be in the your bed alone. You are not in a Blu Cantrell mood embracing “sleeping in the middle of your bed” you have channeled Adina and you want “a freak in morning a freak in the evening” you catch my drift. You want to be in the heat and warmth of another body; you want to explore the human anatomy, be embraced, or just be in the presence of another body. So you call HIM; if HE is not your MAN then you have begun treading the grounds of a Heatseeker. You may not be a full-fledge heat hunter but you may be on your way. Yes, you have been caught red-handed Heatseeking please pullover do not pass go do not collect $200.

heatseekersDid you not read Zane’s ‘The Heat Seekers’?

Have you not heard the term before?

Well let me break it down for you. Heat Seeker — Someone who is in search, hunts, desires, and looks to obtain Heat. Heat in accordance with this jargon is described as the feeling of being warm, an aura that produces a body temperature-like force, and a sexually driven energy that warms the body. Let’s cut to the chase and just be brash; this Heat is the feeling that comes with Sexual Foreplay and Intercourse.

Since the beginning of time there have been women who are Heat Seekers. Women who believe they “need a man to hold [them] even if it is a damn line” like Bernadine in ‘Waiting to Exhale’. We all have despised sleeping in the middle of our Queen or King size beds where the only warm spot is where we have been tossing and turning all night long. I must say I have been guilty of making that late night call just so I have a warm and able body beside me to wake up to. Now this is all fine and dandy that is until it becomes as weedy as a dandelion and you start confusing Heat Seeking with being in a relationship.

We fought for equal rights and in the process became super liberated, we burned our bra’s remember? And now one night stands or non-committed sexual relationships no longer imply that you should be wearing the Scarlet S on your chest. However, as women we are highly emotional an regardless of what you may believe we cannot have a no strings, no emotions sexual relationship for long periods of time with any one individual without becoming slightly attached. It can be done for some period of time but give or take if he is your go-to on your cold nights and he always comes thru eventually you will catch feelings and want more. This is where the problem starts.

You gave him the rules of the game keep me warm, give me heat, fulfill my heat seeking desire and now you want to change the rules because you forgot to account for your emotional well being or you got your mind on “rings”. The unthinkable happens you start ANALYZING your RELATIONSHIP…. O my. There are several things wrong with that thought. First of all why are you analyzing something that has pretty simple rules and when did this become a relationship? If you ask him I am sure he doesn’t think this is a relationship. Ya’ll just do relation-ish from time to time. Now you go for it and try presenting him with the higher stock price and guess what, he doesn’t want to buy. You have now returned to your familiar bedding place sleeping right in the middle wanting heat. You will usually become a repeat offender thinking that eventually heat seeking can lead to a real relationship or even better a ring and let me tell you girl stop dreaming, never gonna happen.

Here are a few ways to identify that you are in a heatseeking relationship and how to fulfill your heatseeking craving without getting confused on the terms of arrangement.

How to fulfill your heatseeking sweet tooth without a hitch*

  • Determine if you truly would like a heatseeking arrangement or do you want a relationship. What you want may not be achieved by your actions. So identify what is your preferred outcome and then decide what actions will lead to the outcome. Do you want the ring or just a simple fling?
  • Set the rules of arrangement. This is not a relationship this is an arrangement so every arrangement needs rules and guidelines. Use these rules and guidelines to keep him in line as well as your own emotions.
  • Do not expect any dates, gifts, or behavior of appreciation. This is merely sexual and doesn’t come with a prize besides you having a heated bed and sexual satisfaction.
  • If you go to his home leave first thing in the morning and if he comes to yours put him out first thing in the morning. This is not about being comfortable it is about fulfilling a need once that need is fulfilled this engagement has run its course. If you spend extra time it leaves room for getting to know each other and that leads to emotions.
  • Wear protection, should have been #1. Not using condoms are for committed relationships. If you don’t use them not only do you unconsciously place yourself in a relationship you jeopardize your health, Strap-Up.
  • Have fun and if you feel any strings clip them and end that arrangement immediately.
  • These are tips for women who want to have a successful non-committed sexual relationship:

How to identify that you are in a heatseeking relationship:

  • You only meet after 11 p.m.
  • You have never went on a date.
  • You have sex as soon as you arrive, sleep, and have sex again but with little discussion.
  • The only meal you have had together is breakfast.
  • You only have text conversations
  • He hasn’t introduced you to his friends or family as his significant other.
  • He avoids emotional conversations with you.
  • He omits information.
  • You don’t feel like he truly knows you or you truly know him.

If you believe that you are in a relationship that resembles the above get out ASAP. It will only lead to your hurt feelings and wasted time. P.S. don’t let being BUSY be the reason why you accept this behavior both you and him need to make time or call it what it is a heatseeking arrangement.

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  • There ARE some good points in this article but this is my problem with it:

    “regardless of what you may believe we cannot have a no strings, no emotions sexual relationship for long periods of time.”

    Wrong, wrong, wrong!

    Many of us can and DO carry on solely sexual relationships with men without EVER desiring more from them.

    I wish people would speak for themselves instead of asserting that THEIR lack of emotional resolve in sexual situations applies to ALL WOMEN.

    I also don’t like how the author suggests this is valid “regardless of what you may believe”.

    Oh so my own attitudes and life experiences are pretty much invalidated huh? Um, what I “believe” pertains to ME personally and I know ME better than you do, thanks.

    I’ve had this conversation before here (when I was commenting under Childfree Sexpot) and I have to say, this happens a lot on Clutch…trying to put everyone into a convenient, stereotypical gender role (i.e. the female role being mired in sexual vulnerability to men at all times).

    Sorry, this isn’t how it always goes and perpetuating the stereotype isn’t helping anyone. Our thinking needs to evolve. I’m over this notion of women being encouraged to believe we aren’t fully in control of our emotional facilities to men in sex based situations, and men being encouraged to think their sexual ability translates into other forms of power over “emotionally vulnerable” women.

  • PinkPantha

    Mahogany Misfit I can definitely see where you are coming from but I do think that when you are having a merely sexual relationship with one person over a course of time and you find out he got several shorties who he is sharing those goodies you like so much you may eventually start to get a twitch of emotion which can very well be nothing more than lust. Now if you have more than one brother and you juggling than definitely you probably wont get attached or want more from them all but if you are catching your late nights with one fellow you will feel something even if it is a quick psyche-out and that is where I think the author goes into creating guidelines in sex-only relationships so that feelings do not arise from either party.

  • Janae

    This article hits so close for too many women. Myself included….Its one of those things that women or an individual has to come to terms with. We all wish for the fairy tale life and when that doesnt occur instantly in life we go off to make exceptions or excuses hence heatseek. As Roxsanne points out we think we can turn this heatseeking relationship into a meaningful long lasting healthy relationship..thusss our Fairy tale life WRONG!! We cant do those things and must Embrace ourselves…we set the Rules and must never lower our aims….All n all great article…Keep em coming…

  • niks59

    Good article. I don’t want to be a heatseeker.