The vibe in the place is bananas.
You’ve got your freak’em dress on, and the building is downright electric.
You’re looking good and so are your girls.
You catch his eye.
Or, more accurately, he caught yours.
You’ve seen him before, somewhere, but just can’t seem to place the location.
He comes up to you, gives a debonair grin, and slowly extends his hand to you.
He doesn’t do it in a deliberate way, but in a sneaky kind of way, a sleight of hand, magician kind of way.
In his hand? His card with his phone number on it.
As you lick your lips, preparing for conversation, he fades away, blending back into the crowd, staring you down the whole time.
You know this guy.
And then it hits you: You’ve seen him at the salon. Outside in his waiting car. Where. His. Wife. Gets. Her. Hair. Done.
This cat’s wife is NICE-LOOKING, though. Well, decent enough.
What’s he doing?
Why is this married dude trying to holler?
Now, if you’ve ever experienced the aforementioned scenario, you probably were hit with a cycle of emotions as the magnitude of your discovery dawned upon you.
First, the shock: How can this dude be so trifling?
Then the anger: Is my man like this, too? How can he do this to his wife? And what does he think of me, a slut?
Then you want to get even: Next time I see his wife in the salon, I’ll simply fling his card at her. Tell her to keep her dog on a leash. Yeah, that’ll teach him.
Yes, but who’s teachable moment is it, really?
Think about it: Does he really want to leave his wife, his partner-in-life, the mother of his kids, or is he just pretending to be single to mingle?
And do you really want to do that to a married woman?
Either way, it’s not your fault.
But you might be tempted, depending on your morals and circumstances, to give him some play, seeing as how he’s the prototype of your dreams. You might reason, “Who’s going to find out? So what, a married man wants to spoil me. I deserve it. His wife’s the one who let the dog out to play, right?”
Wrong. Because if he cheated on her, yes, he will cheat on you. You can call it karma, but it’s just old-fashioned getback. And getback is a mother.
But why you? Why does a married man want to holler at you?
Well (beside the fact that he might be a little drunk), it’s because you’re attractive.
You’ve designed it that way, didn’t you? Your dress, your lips, your cleavage, is all to look good to someone, to look attractive. And you simply have attracted the married guy.
Why is he trying to holler? Because his wife is in his home. And you’re in his grasp.
Put another way, he is away from what is his joy, his pain, his struggle and, from his perspective; he’s possibly found a well-watered struggle-free lawn, an oasis even. Yours.
What immediately comes to mind is the old American saying, “The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.”
And it’s true. He’s not necessarily greedy but he’s opportunistic: “Not only do I want what I don’t have, I want what you have.”
But the scene continues:
You spot him again. He’s with a few other dudes, all of them obviously on the prowl. They seem distracted, and soon they gravitate toward the big screen TV or something or other. He spies you across the way, and nods a friendly hello. With your scent dancing in the air, he’s back on your trail. From his behavior, you can immediately tell two things: His interest, and more importantly, your response, is a marriage of convenience. When his boys come back, he’ll play it safe and ignore you again, but with precious time to lure you he’ll entertain your entreaties. Also, look at his hand. You don’t see a wedding band, but if you look hard enough you will see an imprint. Left hand. Third finger. Look.
One thing you’ve got to remember is that to take him at his word at this stage is useless.
If you ask him if he’s married he’ll say several versions of two things: “I’m married, but not happily married. We are getting a divorce. We see other people. She’s not giving me the sex anymore. I moved out, etc.”
Or he’ll just flatly deny it: “No way. I am not married.”
When he does this, watch how his left hand, the one with the ring finger, slowly dips behind his back or under the table. Game on.
But what he says is not important. The main thing is, how will you handle the situation?
To be clear, let’s go over this again: You will be hit on by married men.
That’s just how it is. That doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or cursed to be the “other woman.” It just means that the flesh is weak.
And no, that does not excuse the married man (that bastard!). He’ll get his in the end. And it may come with hot grits. Getback is a mother.
However you respond, of course you’ll remember that divorce rates among African-Americans, among everybody, are reaching epidemic levels. Not to be forgotten is how few eligible men, and how many heartbroken women there are out here in the first place. Then you’ll recall how over 70% of black children are being raised in single-family homes. And certainly you’ll remember that those children will soon grow up and be propositioned by married people who also will be looking for single women or men to creep out with.
After all that, you may still be tempted to get with him, but then you’ll remember: Getback is a mother.