200177755-001Cartier watches, yachts by the bay, courtside comfort, champagne swilling After Parties, and shopping sprees down on 5th Avenue or Rodeo…

Who wouldn’t dare to enjoy the fruit from the finer things in life if they were given the opportunity to partake in its pleasures? I know I would. Surely if that apple was dangling in your face with such allure and enticement, you’d sooner take that bite then leave such a significant treat to fall in the hands of another. No harm in that right?

But if your easy living doesn’t come from the cracks of your narrow pocketbook, but rather the generosity of an unnamed suitor, when do your actions blur the lines between accepting someone’s kindness, to being possibly labeled as a full-fledged Gold Digger?

In this day and age, when it’s hard to find a good man, sisters often find themselves hanging out with Mr. Good For Now while on the continual search for Mr. Where Have You Been All My Life. Like most “Science Projects,” our Mr. Good Enough also comes with his own kit for further dissection- this is solely for finding out exactly what this Mr. Potential is truly made of. With them we sometimes find ourselves footing the bill, chauffeuring ’em in our rides, or moving ’em into our homes when we should be joining them at their residence-if they have one. In an essence, the love becomes a game of role reversal, and we seemingly end up masquerading as the man in this lopsided relationship.

But that’s not the same for everyone…

Not all men in this lifetime come with a complicated instruction manual or a list of problems. Isn’t it nice when you can stumble upon a brother who is ready to show a woman a big heart and for some maybe even a bigger pocketbook? No harm, no foul right?

But there are two sides to every story.

There are women who have no desire to ever date a man who they feel will require too much of them financially. There are women who want a man who is already living the dream, rather than one still talking about his plans and intentions to fly towards destination success. Should you knock a woman who wants her man to be a leader, rather than wanting to cozy up to someone she’ll have to dust off and repair? Is she wrong for her desire to be in a relationship with someone she can brag about, or feel proud of, or even with someone who is willing to take her out of a mundane life and bring her into a bit of fantasy and imagination?

I guess it depends on the woman. But only one thing is obvious…

You have your women who go out intentionally looking for men who will take care of them with all the luxuries. And then you have those fortunate or rather lucky girls who stumble upon a good brother who is familiar with the idea of taking care of his woman’s desires or needs from time to time, if not all the time when they are out together.

Yet, how can you tell the difference? You can’t.

When you think of the statement that, “one bad apple, spoils the whole bunch,” anytime you see a woman dressed to impressed sitting championed next to her man in the front row at a Lakers Game, you might automatically wage a guess that rather than her love for him be connected to the veins of his heart, its moreover glued heavily to thickness of his wallet.

Although we aren’t privy to the confinements outside their silence, sometimes this display of Caviar Living can cause a twinge of jealousy or disgust to grow inside the mind of the female onlooker. They begin to quickly size up the “Amber Rose” who is sitting fanciful and easy next to her prosperous man. (*Note, I’m not calling Amber Rose a Gold Digger, I’m simply using some people’s perception as an analogy.)

If you did a play-by-play analysis on the steps that woman took to make it into those seats alongside the center court line, her story might begin in the V.I.P section of an upscale nightclub, or maybe she was sneaking into an exclusive dinner party at Spago’s, or even something as simple as walking her dog down the Santa Monica pier.

But in knowing where it all began, it doesn’t mean that for the woman, his money is a sure fire guarantee. It becomes the choice of the other party involved (him) and his interpretation of a woman’s intentions, that will denote whether a relationship is fueled rather than smothered like a useless fire.

We like to look for the negativity in every unacknowledged circumstance, but you never know a situation until you ask or are the person it.

No one ever figures that maybe, just maybe, the pair are together because they have a common interest…success, money, or even a love the blossomed long past their first days in college. Maybe she’s with him because they met at a corporate meeting and hit it off, and are now dating. Maybe he met her on vacation and felt she was the only souvenir he wanted to take back with him. Just sitting on the outside looking in, doesn’t give a lot of answers or bring us closer to the truth in someone else’s relationship.

Past our judgments, the best thing we know is nothing. But the question I pose to everyone is this, if it’s not your money, or affecting your life, whether a woman is a Gold Digger or not, why does it sometimes bother us?

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  • Jade

    I never understood why some men call other women “gold-diggers” when in the same breath feel the need to be declared the “breadwinners.”

  • Jazz

    I think there’s a difference between a woman who would like to be taken care of and women who go out looking for a man only for his money. Women who want to be taken care of will usually look for other qualities in a man besides simply his ability to provide. They may ask, “Is he respectful and respectable? Is he trustworthy? Are we compatible?” Gold diggers don’t ask those questions. There are women out there who will put up with ridiculous amounts of bullshit, men who don’t even love them, or even try to get with married men just for the sake of getting a chunk of his cash. So, when I say I have a problem with gold diggers, THOSE are the women I’m talking about.

    There are also the ones who take advantage of unsuspecting (but wealthy) men and trick them into believing they’ve found love when in actuality she’s just acting so he’ll continue to spend money on her (like prostitution to the second power). Often times, once these women really get their teeth into the man they’ll cheat on him and committ other disrespectful acts. So, to answer the question posed at the bottom of this article, it’s situations like those that bother me. I hate to see good men fall into the trap of trusting the wrong woman whether they have money or not, but it especially bothers me when it’s obvious that the woman is only after material things.

    It also bothers me when women act like they are entitled to a man’s money. It’s one thing to ask for certain things, and if he gives them to you, great. I just don’t understand women who actually get upset when their man doesn’t give them something they’ve asked for or when he won’t pay their bills. It’s especially confusing when the couple is not even married. What makes some women think that just because they go out with a guy and sleep with him occasionally they automatically have a right to what’s in his wallet?

    Dating a man with money is not the same as conniving your way into a man’s life with the sole purpose of getting into his pocketbook.

  • Lish

    Jazz is right in separating a “gold-digger” from a woman in a good relationship. I know a person who plays the part to get the vacations or the fancy dinners by getting a man’s hopes up. They continue to use the man until the well goes dry and his heart turns cold. This story ended up in this particular man severing ties with this individual and she is still walking around asking why doesnt he talk to her. hmmmm lets see because he’s a great guy who have no quams taking care of his lady but since she used him he wants nothing to do with her..

  • Crystal

    Okay I have to say in my 20’s I will be willing to help a brother out and I have. But now I’m 30 or so I look for something different in men. I want a man to be stable resposible and I just think before a man or woman start to date they need to be date ready like have something they can bring to the table. I can struggle by myself so men no job no car no apt or house bad credit need a hand to count baby mamas please leave me D hell alone. Thank ya. If anyone out there have ever had a broke man they know what I’m talking about I want a leader a strong man I’m not a gold digger but Im not a pull you out the whole digger either. Great article.