Conversations about relationships are about as regular as books in a library. So if talk is aplenty, why is nobody listening?

On and on we go about the ills that shape our lives, but those stubborn trees still block our view of the forest.

Ask a politically conscious black male about the biggest problems facing society, he’ll bemoan bipartisan rancor in Congress. Ask a black man who has a Ph.D, you’ll hear lack of education. Ask the angry black man, he’ll scream racism. Ask the poor black man, he’ll claim poverty. Ask the rich one and he’ll talk about the degenerates in the hood with their pants down to their quads and cite their gun-toting ways. Ask the lazy one and he’ll tell you that there are lions out in the street.

None of these responses includes any mention of an X-chromosome. Very few men will admit that gender issues are a prevalent problem because we don’t feel that it matters. Women are tangential to the pursuit of success; to us, they’re an afterthought:

“You can lose money chasing women, but you can never lose women chasing money.”

When a musician rhyme about women in their records, sex, cash or entertainment accompanies. Very few songs are about listening to a woman’s concerns, emphasizing their value to the world or fostering interdependent relationships, which at face value, is understandable. There’s much more to worry about than crooning about tending to a woman’s needs. 99 problems. Right?

Not exactly. Just because one doesn’t acknowledge a problem doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Truth be told, most men actually have 100 problems. Sir, when will the time come that you deal with the fact that almost every relationship you’ve had with a woman has been crappy? Even worse, when will you stop denying that a deep-seeded gender issue even exists?

An interesting thing about dissent among demographic lines is that they tend to follow a familiar thread.

What are white conservatives’ biggest complaints about black people?

Too emotional (always playing the race card). Hypersexual (black women). Lack of discipline (shootings, financial spending, liquor). Innately incapable. Victims of circumstance. Sub-human.

What are heterosexual men’s biggest gripes against homosexuals?

Too emotional. Lustful. Weak-minded. Innately screwed. Spiritually immoral. Sub-human.

What are black men’s biggest complaints against black women?

Too emotional. Innately incapable of rational thought. Hypersexual (some cases). Lesser species. Did I mention too emotional?

There’s something to be said for the incessant sexism within the black race, but truth be told, sexism exists across the racial spectrum. One could argue that sexism is an older problem, hence more intractable than racism, classism, ageism and any other ism out there. But of course, if you asked men and women which issue was more polarizing, there would be an overwhelming split between the sexes.

Gender and sex are thought to be synonymous, but there are marked differences in the terms. Sex is a biological concept that a human is born into. Gender is culturally ascribed; more descriptive of the roles each sex play in their respective environment. Status wise, women have always been the mules of the human experience. Hence, the “lesser” gender.

In 1980, the United Nations released a report that distillates this inequality:

Women, who comprise half the world’s population, do two thirds of the world’s work, earn one tenth of the world’s income and own one hundredth of the world’s property.

This year, women in this country are outnumbering men in the workforce for the first time ever. They make up most of our workers in the service industry – teachers, nurses, human resources – in a country that gets most of its bread from the service industry. Blue-collar jobs have shifted, leaving many uneducated but otherwise skilled men bereft of employment.

And this is just on a general level. In the black community? Been there, done that, even bought the T-shirt.

When a person is feeling down, who generally catches the brunt of their wrath? The people closest to them. Like a group of caged animals that will eventually shift their anger to each other as they see no freedom in sight, black men and women have been mired in a feud that is simple in concept, but complex in solutions. After a while, the animals in the cage forget who is the enemy.

This is the biggest tragedy of the diaspora’s assimilation into Western culture. Besides borrowing some of the same ideological capital that white men have used on black women years past, black men seem to go about their relationships with women blithely unaware of a culture that seeks to continue this trend.

Black women, on the other hand, are equally as oblivious in escaping European standards in their disregard of black men. Only seeking the best of the stock, many black women take umbrage when they see many leading black men choosing women outside of their race. But it’s shouldn’t be surprising, considering that we’re all watching the same television, imbibing the same pop culture. Why wouldn’t women of other races take note?

African-American women has to become aware that their own judgment in a black man’s behavior, looks, status is shaped by mass media as much as any American. Black women, for their part, has taken heed of their white sisters and become more prodigious in the work place. They are no longer as dependent for financial support, so understandably, they won’t tolerate the same perceived nonsense from their men that they would have in, say, 1940.

As a result of this and the natural power struggle that a capitalist nation tends to breed, human relationships tend to take a back seat.

With each other – black men and women – out to elevate their status, unrest predominates. Call it intelligent design started in the cotton fields or just plain post-modern stubbornness, it seems as if blatrimony these days is as natural as ketchup soup.

A new recipe may be necessary.

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  • justice

    I am a attractive 30 something black woman who prefers black men. I have dated interracially in the past and is open to whomever is a good man. In my experience, I find a lot of black men hate black women. The disgust of these guys is appalling. Its gotten to to the point when they date interracially they blame black women for their own preferences. I have gotten into heated debates with these types of men. Its almost like they need excuses to want white As far as black women, I think we are way to conservative when we meet men. Black women need to learn how to lighten up when meeting and dating without being being slutty because really no man wants a woman with a bug up her a** when he meets her.

  • Tonya

    He need a white woman who will do everything he wants. Hey I say go with the other race make me happy!

  • dbc

    i understand the brothas that are tired of bw im one of them. bw dont know and dont want to understand another persons viewpoint. bw think theyre right all the time never wrong b.s. anyone who hates bw im a fan

  • Gerren

    because of black woman christ belief in those who have shone intentions of nothing BESIDES self sustainance. Our Black women are too open to others….even “decent” ones. There’s no loyalty and we need that more than anyone. The clowns are few of us but the world hates us and wants to dictate our women so we die off in another 100 years. I hear all sorts of other black men complain about having his manhood challenged but black women fall in line for any man whos not black and will accept any sexual, verbal treatment. Nevermind ghettogaggers and 1000s other sites taking psycho stabs at us via black women who allow it. Its going to get worse and worse because our women are documented being obeying whores for any and everyone, ironically, besides largely her own race of male. Most of us don’t wan’t that anyhow. Yet you continue to cry disrespect of the black man. Black women hardly gives the common black man her time. But the common arab store clerk, the white, the mexican, and now even the asian can clean house on you all. I used to love you, sad thing is for most of us there’s no place to run. The world hates us. That’s for the support black women. THERE ARE SOME horrible and lost men who are black, but the betrayal lies, deception and wide neglect of the black man (the world and his fellow woman and brother combined is too much to ignore. But somehow you all do better than “manage” it. Horrible present state black racially …

  • Crystal

    Black men and women are socialized differently starting in the home.It is said that statistically,70percent of Black households are female headed.The number is even higher in poor,urban areas.Black women tend to baby their sons often allowing them to live with them well into their adult years.This is disgusting.Meanwhile their daughters have long moved out of the house and is on her own.There are good nlack men out there,but iam not searching for that needle in a haystack.I date white men and am currently engaged to one.He is amazing and…”he got his sh-t together”.We are about to buy a house in Florida and get married.I have faced the music a long time ago.That a large portion of the males in my race are jacked up.A man is a man.Why not go with the race that had lesd issues and incompatible men?And no.My mans’penis is not small.But i have been with some black men in the past who did not want to “whip it out”,because it was so embarrassingly small.So much for the Mandingo myth.It is true.Black women and Black men are increasingly growing intolerant of eachother.I know the underlying causes,but iam not trying to play psycologist.Iam doing what is good for me,and acting on my natural attraction to white men.I laugh at these dummies being loyal to a race of men who are,for the most part,ineligible in the major sensr of the word.My man put a ring on it right away.It puzzles me that these intelligent,beautiful sistas are wasting their time waiting for a ring that may never come.