I am a Black woman, my friends are Black women, my family consists of Black women. For those reasons I am especially protective over my other sistas and try to look out for them and their growth. So when I see them engaging in behaviors that are counterproductive to their growth and makes them look foolish I want to run over and scream “what the hell are you doing?! Stop it!” These are some behaviors that I see some of my sista’s engaging in. I know that women of all races may take part in some of the behaviors. However, I am writing this for my sistas as I stated earlier. Why? Because I love my girls and I cringe when I see them behaving in these manners. I’m asking the readers not to take any of the items listed as an attack. It is not. I want us to all do better. Some may be small minded and think that I am judging. I do not care. I would rather have another sista tell me the behaviors that I am doing that might make me look like a fool, as opposed to going out into the world and being considered a joke by society as a whole. We are beautiful, intelligent, strong, multifaceted creatures and it breaks my heart when we display ourselves in manners that takes away from our beauty and that makes us look like fools. Remember, I am saying this in love….
1. Booty Tootin’.
If I never see a picture with some chick poking her ass out so much that she is going to break her damn back I will be overjoyed. If you are sexy then there is no need to TRY so damn hard. Does every pose have to emphasize on your a**? Besides, if you have a big a** then trust me it is no secret. There is no need to put so much focus on it as if that is the only thing you have to offer. Is it? Remember ladies, friends don’t let friends booty toot.
2. Showing Your Stomach When You Shouldn’t Be.
If you have had three or four kids and have the stomach to prove it. Don’t show us. You can still dress sexy without having your gut/stretch marks/c-section scar visible. Keep it classy.
3. Wearing Tight A** Clothes and Other S**t Your Body Type Does Not Fit.
There is the size you are and the size you want to be. We know our bodies the best and that means that you should know by a certain age what fits your body type and what doesn’t. Wear clothes that fit the size you are. Not the size you would be if you lost 10 to 20 to 50 pounds. (please refer to #2) There is no need for anyone to see your belly hanging over the front side of your jeans or your ass hanging out the backside of your jeans. No one wants/needs to see this and it is not flattering. I think that women of all sizes, shapes, complexions are sexy and each have attributes in which when emphasized only help to bring out her sexiness. On the contrary, we all have our faults and things we can work on. The trick is to find that special something that makes you sexy and rock it with class not ass. Also, just because you are small, does not mean that your a** should be hanging out. There is nothing wrong with showing some skin but do it with class. Please.
4. Putting Crazy Colors In Your Hair.
There is nothing wrong with dying your hair to a suitable color. Switching it up for beauties sake! Or adding in highlights that you think will match your pretty complexion. However, looking like Rainbow Bright by the head is never sexy on a grown woman and it takes away from the natural beauty that all women have. When I see women like this I want to ask them “Is your hair a color palette?” More importantly, where in the hell are you going to work? I know that not everyone wishes to rise up the corporate ladder but damn. Realize that we live in a world where people like to stereotype and generalize in many cases based off first impressions. Now, there are already certain stereotypes that are working against us as Black women, there is no need to FURTHER those by presenting yourself as a fruit snack pack by the head.
5. Yelling At Your Kids Like They Are Grown Ass People.
I hate when I see mothers usually young, screaming and hollering at their children for the smallest things like having to go to the bathroom. Uhm, he is three, that is what they do. Eat, Play, and use the bathroom. I know sometimes kids can be ridiculous and get out of hand, so there is nothing wrong with discipline. However, yelling at them like they owe you money is too much. It boils down to you really not wanting to be bothered with them and resenting them. This is your problem not theirs. I especially hate to see my sistas do this because we are already stereotyped as being welfare mothers with a house full of kids. Why give them more ammunition to fuel the myth that we are bad mothers?
6. Saying The Phrase “you know what I’m saying” Over And Over In A Conversation.
This is something that I see men do as well but it irks me even more when a woman does it because it makes them sound masculine. I suddenly want to call you Tyrone. It may seem bias but I don’t care. I realize that it sometimes is because of a lack of education or simply because they feel there is lack of better words for them to use but it still irks me. It makes you sound uneducated, even if you are.
7. Having An Unexplainable/Unnecessary Attitude.
I know that women of all races can be bi**hes at times but I especially hate to see a fellow sister in a store or public environment unnecessarily being the biggest bi**h she can be. Now, sometimes you have to pull out the bi**h card as a last resort, however not ALL situations call for you to “check” someone. Sometimes keeping your cool while speaking your mind sets a more long lasting impression and you can still be taking seriously. Unfortunately we live in a society where Black women have a stigma that they are bi**hes. There is no need to unnecessarily perpetuate that stigma. Especially in situations that do not call for you to pull out the bi**h card. You should however, keep it in your pocket for sake keeping!
8. Being Obnoxiously Loud
This one is special to me because I notice this in some of my sistas but the strange thing is that they are usually older. These are the women who are supposed to be the role models for sistas like myself. Some feel that they have been ignored or treated badly in their life so they speak loud as hell to appear tough or strong. Case in point the character Nee-Nee from the reality series Real Housewives Of Atlanta. Every time she feels even slightly threatened or wants to prove her point her voice becomes louder. I am not the biggest fan of the show but her behavior on the show makes me think that I would not want to be bothered with her in real life. She is a well established sista and should be a role model. She is not. This behavior does not make you look strong, prove your point or make anyone want to listen to you. It just proves the stereotype that sistas are unnecessarily loud and obnoxious when angered and makes you look like you are so weak that you will resort to foolishness to cover it up. People are more inclined to respect your point of view when you express it without yelling. The key is to state how you feel and not back down. Yelling does not always pack more power to the punch. In most cases you just look stupid.