My dearest, darling SantEE Claus,
I’ve been a good, good girl all year long. Yes, I have! I’ve recycled all my water bottles and plastic grocery bags, I’ve flossed between meals, I’ve been kind to strangers and I’ve helped little old ladies cross the street (OK fine, but I would). The point is, Santa – I am truly deserving of a Swaggalicious Christmas like you wouldn’t believe (OK so fine, I‘m Buddhist, but I still celebrate Kwanzaa…daaaamn!) You don’t even understand, Santa. I’ve had such a rough year. Tyrel and I broke up, my hours got cut at work, the chick who does my manicures at “Hands Up” Salon up moved to Philly, and Victoria’s Secret discontinued my favorite push-up bra. And, to top it all off- my dog died (okay fine, it was a gold fish, but I loved him). Don’t you see, Santa, I need a pick me up something fierce? So, please, Santa Baby. And, I mean pretty please with Sweet N’ Low and Splenda on top, make it all good again. Come on, Kris Kringle, throw it in the Bag…
Now, don’t worry, I’m not asking for a new sofa or anything. Just a teensy weensy little cushion to spruce my living room up a bit. Santa, can I please have the AphroChic Silhouette Pillow in Black & White? It’s only a measly $90, and it’s got this super-funky illustration of an Afro Chick on the front panel. C’mon Santa, I neeeeed it.
And, while we’re sprucing up the place, couldn’t we maybe get a little something to liven up the walls? I’m thinking something bright and colorful. Something that celebrates the fabulous, unique beauty of Black Womanhood. I’m thinking a Limited Edition Giclee Print from D.C. painter, Tanekeya Word ($75- $200.00)
Now Santa, you know my accessory situation is looking sad at the moment. And, it ain’t like I’m asking for a canary diamond. All I want is this funky, little leather necklace from Cocolah’s “Stripped and Bound” collection ($95). What’s that, you say? You never heard of Cocolah? Why she is the absolute end for the alternative/underground fashion-lovin’ chica!
Hair & Beauty
Oh Santa, this cold, hard winter is doing a number on mama’s skin and hair this season. Dry. Dry. Dry. I’m like the Mojave up in here. Couldn’t you find it in your heart to buy me something nice and nourishing to cure those winter blues? Brown Butter Beauty has these amazing deals on natural products. Her handmade soaps are only $7 per bar and they smell amazing! Santa, if you get me one of her Red Clover and Lavender bars (with extra virgin olive oil and unrefined raw yellow African shea butter,) I can bathe like the Nubian Queen that I think I am. They are super-moisturizing.
Oh, and I know you wouldn’t want me coming out of my bath only to get all dry and ashy again, right? So, how’s about sticking a jar of Whoop Ash Body Butter in my stocking, too? It’s only $19.95 for a 8 ounce container, and it has all this lovely, healing white honey and mango in it, so my skin can be all glow-Y and whatnot.
Santa, I want you to know how much I appreciate you. It’s true. I’m being so for real, here. That whole deal where I broke up with you to start dating Tyrel was the biggest mistake of my life. No, no – it wasn’t about that funny, costume you always wear. I understand that’s for work. Don’t be embarrassed. You have to get your grind on. Really. You look sexy in red, baby. It was just, I don’t know, the long-distance thing. You in the North Pole and me in Cali and all. But, I know we can make it work this time…if you’ll only just THROW IT IN THE BAG!
Yours Merrily and Jingly and Whatnot,