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IE141-045These bodacious hips, these healthy thighs… these ebony eyes that have seen every lovers tale played out from a plethora of angles.

Through my eyes I’ve experienced plenty. I’ve been the chosen one; emotionally soiled by the drippings from red trimmed roses and candy flavored hearts. Loved to the Nth Degree by a Chocolate Man who loved the grace in my curves, the swivel of my stature and wasn’t afraid to kiss past my extra cushion to embark upon the road behind this barbed wire fence that every cautious woman should have wrapped around them.

I have also sampled the flavors of a life as the patient observer; waiting calmly as cupid sent out a myriad of arrows, hoping to be luckily struck by the strength in his sweet ammunition, and sometimes seemingly forgotten during the arch of loves sentencing.

But even with my face pressed against the window eagerly waiting to take a brick to the glass, or those timeless moments when I was happily vacationing in loves valor when I wasn’t picking my poison with a Bad Boy (see A.C. Workmans article) and shamelessly waiting for my heart to make the necessary anecdote, nothing ever shielded my eyes from some of the interesting love avenues that curb roads only meant for black men and certain big boned women.

(Warning: Clutchettes and Gents, before you embrace this tale with many a lovely comment or two questioning the validity behind my next few statements, understand that these are not facts I’m breathing, rather just observations from my personal control tower. These are not trappings I meditate on, these are merely moments of ponder spelled out for entertainment. These are my truths in effect, whereas through your eyes life may reward you a different vision.)

Some Black Men have a noticeable obsession with a big boned white woman, when at times a sister of the same physique can only expect to receive a firm ‘Hand in the face,’ accompanied by a silent, “Oh Hell No,” instead of a plausible handshake to set the stage towards the possibility of a Hand in Marriage.

Now the question I have is not whether or not black men like SBB’s, because several do, especially in the Southern part of America. Rather, it is why do some black men who don’t like SBB’s, make exceptions for overweight white women, when through their eyes and sometimes verbally bestowed upon healthier sized sisters, larger women are deemed lazy, sloppy, unattractive, and overall, un-datable.

I’ve met many SBB’s who have been turned down by black men for their extra curvy frames. A lot of times it’s because the men they went after were solely attracted to a fitter woman. Others times they’d experienced a moment of rejection from a brother who’d rather see Kirstie Alley or Rosanne Barr peel off their jeans than ask out a sister like Jill Scott or bring Monique home to meet their parents.

Now remember, I’m in no way stating that all black men take issue with a sister with a little more to love than many. I’ve had my share of Romeo’s and understand that many SBB’s have too, but for some black men who entertain a lust for a healthier framed woman, the line is sometimes neatly drawn in the sand for a preferable white chic, redbone sister, or a curvaceous Latina, leaving the “The Darker the Berry,” to continually harvest alone in her own sweet juices.

Why is that?

Maybe some black men’s lust for a healthier framed white woman versus the negative stigma that they sometimes place on dating sisters of the same size, comes from a desire to have a larger part of the white fantasy that they’ve been craving all these years.

Is it that for them, when it comes to the white woman, loving the skin they’re in, may make for an allowance of a few extra inches. But for a sister of the same size it may only remind brothers that not only are they still largely living in a black reality, pending their desire is to vacation elsewhere, but they are also stuck inside the epitome of the media’s negative fat black woman stereotype when considering the portrayal of African American characters like Madea or Big Momma.

Take for instance Tamala Jones in the film Next Friday. She was a hot mess, but still quite adorable to most men. But when Monique slapped on the same persona for her role in Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, what was scripted as cute and unthreatening in one film was exploited in another as aggressive, loud and ghetto when the lines were read from the lips of a larger framed actress.

Does it all boil down to the idea that when it comes to the negative trappings placed on the black woman and her stereotypical behavior, that maybe when it’s multiplied by a few extra pounds these opinions go from tolerable nuisances to full fledged reasons for black men to run in the other direction?

Who knows,

Maybe not only is it the world that buys into the negative stereotypes plastered on the backs of SBB’s but maybe even some black men have chosen to drink the Koolaid too, and are committing a suicidal injustice to the sweet tempered larger black woman when choosing to show them the door, while keeping it open for a white woman cut from the same clothing.

Since I can only speculate and question the reasons I’ll turn it over to you…

Clutchettes and Gents, why do you think it is that for some black men, an overweight white woman is the rule while other SBB’s must suffer the possibility of being dubbed the exception?

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  • Coolchic

    Yeah I kind of have to side with the article, and I’m not a big girl at all. True story I ran into a couple in the store and she was a large white woman with some shorts on and her thigs were red from rubbing together. Her man was yes you guessed it black and he treated her like a beauty Queen was walking along side him. Another one is the white lady 600+ pound white lady trying to get to 1,000 pounds her husband is yes…black! I’ve seen so many big/thick white women with biracial kids and black boyfriends or husbands. It’s often kinf of hypocritical indeed. Also the stereoptyical black woman that black men call themselves getting away from because they find it unattractive is the same kind of woman they gravitate towards with a woman of another race. It’s normally dark skin plus sized black women. I’ve never seen Rosanne, Kirstie Allen, the snapple lady and plenty others bashed and bashed for being plus sized like they do the black one’s. Why because they’re shown in too different lights one in a undesirable fashion the other in a attractive fashion. Even on top model when Tyra now has plus sized models mixed in between Tocarra was the first plus sized model and they told her she was too big even though all she had was big boobs mainly but many seasons later there was a white plus sized winner and people were telling her how beautiful she is, so the author has a point.

    When a plus sized black women is depicted she’s often depicted as this ghetto, unhealthy, section 8 woman with 4 and fice kids. Or in the media “unattractive” and aggressive. I’ve never seen large sized white women, Latina women, etc shown in that fashion at all so that’s why plus sized non-black women aren’t dissected and broken down as into why them being big is a negative and they don’t have problems being found sexy or relationship worthy unlike the plus sized black woman. There’s even men on forums (black men and men of color) with screenames in dedication to plus sized non-black women. I mean black women we’re already shown as level underneath other races of women anyway so the plus size black woman is as well. Even Big Men are seen as datable and attractive before plus sized sistas. And as the article stated a lot of it has to do with the double standard depiction of plus sized black women. And I do believe that’s why black men carry this bias, hypocrisy and double standards as well.

    For black women to be considered appealing in any form she has to be thin like the All American woman, close to white features and not so ample in the behind. It’s just ridiculous all around.

    The black people so quick to become defensive on things like these harbor some type of guilt fest themselves.