I always bought into the idea that there are three sides to every story, his side, her side, and the truth. But often times when we’re out here going through the dating circus of life during the “getting-to-know-you-period,” we’re battered with the promise of our potential mate’s suitcase of baggage.
In walks the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend- or in some men’s cases their Psycho Baby Momma. She’s the reason “Craig” starting drinking, “DeWayne” moved back in with his momma, “Ray,” lost his job at the law firm, or “Steve” is in the witness protection program. Matter of fact, she’s the excuse for all of his shortcomings.
When I was still just a cub playing around in the world of adult business, a man could tell me just about anything about his life, and my optimistic nature would cue the violin of symphony.
When eagerly reading into the chords of their past, I would be bombarded with stories of their heartbreak, and littered with negative opinions attached to their “Crazy Exes”-as they called them, those women that led them to a world of heartbreak and into my arms for healing.
*There goes that violin again*
I’d often scratch my head through each fairytale wondering how such a “good man,” could be victim to such an evil slue of “crazy women” with careless hearts and ill intentions.
I’d curse his Exes in conversations with my girlfriends, agreeing with him in many areas I wasn’t truly privy, or there to witness. I’d depart with statements like, “Girl, his baby momma is crazy, he tries so hard to be in his sons life and she won’t let him.” Or, “His crazy Ex tried to accuse him of cheating with his coworker once, when all he was doing was giving a nice woman a ride home from a company meeting at the bar.”
*Shaking my head.*
In my mind, I was lucky enough to stumble upon a man so picture perfect, that it had to be just like he said- his “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” was the mark of all their problems.
*Cue the record scratching sound effect*
Well, maybe it wasn’t so cookie cutter or defined with such a gullible nature, but the fact that remains is that often times when we’re believing our prospect to be such an amazing prince, we tend to forget the idea that if they were so amazing and unflawed, then every ex that was allegedly crazy would have found a reason to lie on someone’s couch and seek help in an attempt to possibly keep him.
As I stated, there are 3 sides to every story, and through the eyes of every participant in a relationship, comes a biased point of view. The real answers lie in the truth.
If a man comes in a new relationship pointing the finger at every Ex he knew, then he’s not taking ownership over his part in the problem, and may be saying more to you about his nature without spelling it out word for word.
What I’ve learned through years of experience is that the Myth of the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has been placed in the equation to create an illusion of said man’s promise of perfection.
But look at it this way, if a person who has crashed several cars, has a strong argument for the idea that each car had an imperfection, maybe you’ll overlook your first assumption, and examine the possibility of each vehicle having engine failure, instead of looking into the idea that maybe the driver is the one with the problem.
Match that up to a man and his red herring surrounding the tales of his shameful ex attributed to the blame game.
Giving us seeds of sympathy, and throwing us off the scent of their indiscretions, makes it easier for them slip in and get us to let our guard down, leaving us vulnerable to the same future moniker as a Crazy Ex Girlfriend when we awaken to the truth and rebel against the negative person that might truly live within them.
I’ll give a few men there truth, maybe they do have a Fatal Attraction or two in their past and somehow lived to tell the tale. But remember, a man who accepts his flaws and understands who he is through his imperfections, doesn’t need to win your heart over with planks of negativity attached to the tracks of his failed relationships.
The objective is to win you over with a realistic and positive approach. So if you embark upon a man who’s “game” is intermingled with continual stories about the wrongdoings of past women, it’s likely a code for his own personal demons, so unless you got an anecdote, I don’t suggest you sign up to drink the poison.
Sometimes the words we speak are hidden reflections of our own self-identity. Not every woman a man dates is crazy, but if “crazy” is the common denomination, then I’d consider looking inside of the man for the answers.