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“I have extremely large nipples, and feel like they make my DD breasts look weird. I am only 20, and very self conscious about my chest appearing saggy. Do guys care about nipple size?”

At VerySmartBrothas.com, (my blogging partner) Panama and I regularly receive emails like this; questions that help to drive home the idea that many women make their dating and relationship lives much harder than they have to be by driving themselves crazy over things that won’t affect a man’s opinion of and level of attraction for her.

To save our sisters from more unnecessary heartache, here’s 10 Things Women Tend to Obsess Over That Most Men Don’t Care That Much About

1. Saggy Boobs
While it’s safe to say that men probably aren’t going to go gaga if your boobs look like you’ve duct taped two deflated water balloons to your chest, we realize that boobs (especially big boobs) tend to sag and we’re perfectly ok with that. In fact, it’s actually kind of hot to take off a woman’s bra and watch her boobs fall and sprint out of that bitch like Usain Bolt.

2. Stretch Marks
As long as they’re not on your forehead, we’re good.

3. How soon you’ve “given it up”
While it’s true that a guy’s opinion of you might change if you don’t wait until a “suitable” (And, remember, “suitable” is completely arbitrary) time has passed before deciding to sleep with him, this only makes a difference if he wasn’t really that into you in the first place and is basically just looking for a reason to eliminate you.

If he really likes you, it won’t matter if you slept with him after four great dates or four great days, he’s still going to think just as highly of you afterward.

4. How much you eat
It amazes me to hear about a grown woman ordering a Caesar salad and ice water on her date, only to have to cut it short because her stomach is growling like Busta Rhymes in the Scenario video. Granted, when the menu comes, its probably not a good look to tell the waiter “Yeah, just gimme page 2“, but if we wanted to date someone who looked and ate like a six year old boy we would have been Catholic priests.

5. Gifts
Although we love gifts as much as anyone else, our love for them is more “Cool. New stuff.” than “Wow! She really must have taken a lot of time to think about this.“ The thought doesn’t count any more than a gift card does.

6. Whether your expert-level bedroom prowess will scare us away

***Channeling Katt Williams***

Never in the history of mankind has a man slept with a woman and thought to himself “Damn! She’s. amazing! I had no idea a wet elbow could do so many things. She’s so freaky in fact that she must have actually had sex with someone else before she met me. Since that’s probably true, I can’t continue to date her.”

7. Your hair anywhere other than the top of your head
Again, while having legs that feel like brown sugar cactuses when they’re laying next to you isn’t exactly sexy, obsessing to the point of neurosis over your eyebrows, eyelashes, armpits, and pubic area just makes us think you’re even crazier than we already think you are.

8. What it smells like down there
Obviously, cleanliness is next to godliness, but as long as it doesn’t seem like you’ve been spraying “Sex Panther” by Odeon between your legs, you have nothing to be too self-conscious about.

9. Whether we’ll be upset that your jeans are Target Brand instead of True Religion
There’s actually a word for guys who really care about stuff like that, and it starts with ‘h” and rhymes with “logoplaxical”.

10. Your age
I’m not going to say that age doesn’t matter, but most guys are more concerned with how old a woman looks and acts than how old she actually is. We’d much rather be with an active and youthful 35 year old than a 25 year old who looks like she lived through and slept with The Great Depression.

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  • Kat

    I enjoyed reading this, funny! & I really think it all has to do with the type of guy you’re dealing with, & about #8 I got what they were trying to say! No where does it say don’t wash your nana! Read between the lines ppl lol.