From Black Voices — One of the most unattractive qualities in a mate is insecurity. You know the type. A person so uncomfortable in their own skin that they project those insecurities onto their man/woman, making it almost impossible to achieve success in a meaningful relationship. Healthy relationships require a certain amount of respect, trust, understanding and compromise even before love is put into the equation.

When these things are not set in place, one or both partners can become insecure, which festers in the relationship like a until the person subject to the insecurities is “sick” of the whole thing. Other times, people come into the relationship already insecure and move forward in the new relationship while holding onto the issues of relationships prior. Insecurity manifests itself in forms that are subtle or sometimes very direct.

Here are the top 10 ways to know if you are insecure. If you just took a moment to question whether you are or not, guess what? You probably are.1. You can’t take a joke.
You went on a double date, and the other guy mentioned in jest how old your shoes were. It’s just joke, but because those who are insecure are often very defensive due to competitiveness, you’re ready to put that shoe he teased you about right in the crack of his…

2. You are extremely negative to others of the same sex.

Why do you have to talk about every female that walks through the door at Red Lobster, when you should be enjoying your dinner? The competitiveness in putting others down, to build your own self up is a mechanism people use to cope with their insecurities.

3. You have separation anxiety

You’re not a puppy, so why is it that every time he leaves your house you have a minor panic attack? He did just spend the weekend, and it’s Monday. Let the man go to work…geesh. Excessive distress when separated from your love interest is a subtle sign of insecurity.

4. You check your significant other’s phone while he or she is sleeping.
If you’re waiting significant other is in the middle of a heavy sleep to snoop, just remember that most insecure people have deep trust issues. More often than not, if you look for something you will find it. However, violating your mate’s privacy is also is sign of how much confidence you lack.

5. You befriend a family member just to be able to get an “update.”
When you’re suspicious without reason, you try to find any reason to make your insecurities and suspicions excusable. One of the most extreme is to insincerely befriend someone who is close to your boo. You know you really hate his cousin Tammie, but she’s his roommate, and all you can think is using her as your private eye.

(Continue Reading @ Black Voices….)

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  • Me27

    #1 (You can’t take a joke) is not a sign of insecurity. When a person lashes out or gets defensive about a joke that doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is insecure. It could be done because what was said was actually hurtful.

    Don’t forget, there is truth in jest. If a person is making a joke directly about you then chances are that’s how they really feel. They don’t come right out and say it because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, so they make a joke. Unless you a professional comedian, it think it’s safe to say that your average person uses joking as a way to say what they really want without having to stand by anything they just said because it can be written off as a joke that’s not meant to be taken seriously.

    • Ebony

      co-sign 100%

    • Tash

      Couldn’t have said it better myself!

  • Jaslene

    Couldn’t the person making the joke about your shoes be insecure too. Also so far this list isn’t that great to determine if someone is insecure.

  • YummyGummy

    Ok why is this just directed towards women? I am in a relationship with an insecure man and some of the things on this list apply to him as well. So next time please make it a unisex list and Cosign with all who say that if someone makes a joke about your shoes and you go off on them does not make you insecure.

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  • helen

    I’m Insecure and I am 12. Besides nobody likes me. I’m a really nice person. The teachers love me. Besides I’m always used.

    • Elena Morales

      Helen I feel the same way sometimes but that’s not true there are alot of people in life that like you, you are never alone. I bet your wondering how do you know this. Well im 15 and my name is Elena and just two months ago I went threw the same thing people called cow,horse face and fat. I cried for days, but then I realized that im not fat im 5’3 and weight 115 so. The only reason they called me that is because they are jello. Just remember dont be Insecure everyone is different and you should be okay with your body/appearance. Also trying making new friends nice ones or ones that have the same hobbies as you do.

    • Deb Steves

      you go girl that was a perfect response. work it

    • Jen

      I used to be one of those girls who thought being heartbroken was a sham… well until I got friendzoned. I act like I don’t care but it actually made me insecure and anti social.