“You want Mr. Right then Keep it TIGHT”

At first glance you may think this is a male chauvinistic statement that once again objectifies women as nothing more than pieces of meat, but it is quite the contrary. When I say, “keep it tight,” I am referring to our mental, spiritual and physical state of being. We cannot ask for qualities and physical attributes in a significant other that we don’t possess ourselves.

When it comes to the perfect mate, women are known to have a list and check it twice when they enter into a new relationship. This is a list we have had from the time we were teenagers. As we got older we continued to add or subtract from our equation of what makes up the perfect man, but I wonder if we look at ourselves and compare what we have to what is written on our list. Before we shoot a brother down for all the attributes he is lacking, we should be aware of the same areas that we are lacking in first, and work on those before accepting or pursuing a possible mate.

You can’t look for a perfect 10 when you are an 8.5. The saying that you should always look for someone to compliment you and not complete you holds true. When you have yourself together, a man who shares your same qualities will take notice of you because, in essence, he sees all the great things within himself in you. You can’t want a man who is intellectually sound when you can’t remember the last time you opened a book or viewed an educational program. You can’t want a man who is spiritually strong when you can’t remember the last time you prayed, went to church, or did a bible study. You especially can’t demand that a man be physically fit when the only time you exercise is when you take the stairs at work or in the subway.

Before you critique anyone else’s shortcomings, you must first look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are able to offer everything for which you are asking. We, as women, shouldn’t be looking for someone to save us or make up for the areas in which we are lacking. A mate should always be an option and not a necessity. Time invested in bettering yourself is priceless. Time invested in analyzing someone else’s flaws is a waste.

Despite his shortcomings, Lyfe Jennings is one of my favorite artists. A particular line that sticks out in his single, “Statistics,” is, “Be whatever you want to find, don’t be a nickel out there looking for a dime.” Love is something that most people want to experience, but love of self should always be the ultimate goal. Being confident in who you are and knowing that you have a lot to bring to the table will always attract others who have the same characteristics. A hypocrite is something that no one wants to be labeled, especially when it comes to what we demand versus what we can give in a relationship.

Instead of making a list for an ideal man, make a list of what you feel the ideal woman should be and make sure you fit the profile before critiquing someone else. Never require what you can’t give in return.

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