About a month ago me and my sister were chatting about what we were looking for in a mate. Even though my sister rocks a perm and I am natural, we were both drawn to a creative and free spirit type of guy. Her biggest complaint was that her type of man was not attracted to her and one of the main reasons was simply because of her hair. The men she was used to attracting were very conservative and did not want anything to do with being creative. Understanding where she was coming from, I began to think of my personal experiences when it came to the differences in the type of men I attracted before and after I went natural.

It’s funny because since I’ve been natural,  both the approach and the type of man who is attracted to me is different. Instead of “Hey Cutie,” I get greeted by “Hey My Nubian Queen.” Unfortunately, both types usually end up saying something that ruins the conversation which often times leads me not to talk to either one of them. Even though I have been a proud natural for over 3 years, I’m still a bit conservative (okay, I lied—maybe very conservative) when it comes to styling my hair. I always tend to pin it up and rock the same 2-3 styles in rotation. One reason is that I simply don’t have time or the energy anymore to experiment with new hairstyles. The funny thing is that even though I’m still just as conservative as my sister,  I attract a different type of male simply because of my natural hair. In fact, usually the beginning part of the conversation begins with,  “Oh I love your natural hair sistah,” or the annoying one, “Is that all of your natural hair that is pinned up? Man I dig it.”

Of course people still feed off of the stereotypes that just because you’re natural, you’re a vegetarian and listen to Common. In my sister’s case, men usually guess she is conceited and vibes out to old school R&B because she rocks a permed bob. In reality she rocks out to more neo-soul than I could ever listen to.

My question is,  what about the theory that opposites attract? Numerous people love to use the reasoning of opposites attract as the go-to logic of finding a good match. In a lot of cases, however, I see that people are more comfortable approaching someone who reminds them of themselves. So what does this mean? Does it mean that much power lies in the strands and your appearance? Even though you should not judge someone by their outside appearance, it is the one trait that people see first before approaching you. If someone feels as if you’re a certain way, they will or will not act on it.

What do you think, does your hairstyle limit the type of person you attract?

-Ellisa Oyewo

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  • anagirldee

    hmm i dont think my hair attracts anyone…because i dont attract guys…. I’m 20 and guys dont approach me on campus or in class or anywhere actually… Neither when i was permed or now natural. So i think its more of an overall beauty thing…

  • jane

    Anagirldee @5:23 you would be surprised who is looking your way? They are looking, they may not approach, but they are checking you out.

  • Pradicy

    i LOOOOOVVVEEEE my Hair Natural im 23 Years old and my Hair has been Natural for almost 5yrs i Stopped getting Perms when i Was Pregnant and Decided Not To Go Back.. I LOVE Color But its either Color or Perm.. And Color is What iWant!! Alot Of men Tell me they love my Natural hair and Women i get Stopped alot..People act like its such a BIG DEAL…Not Really! i Love Wearing Micros tho! but i do Feel People Treat me Diffrent When i wear my own Natural Hair ! Its a Positive Change tho ! i Remember when i WOULD NOT leave the house without a Wig or Weave ! LMAO Crazy!!

  • Devanity

    I transitioned at 24, did my big chop at 25 and have been bouncing between protective styling and wearing my natural hair loose ever since. I don’t ever think it’s right to deem someone elses experience as “not so” just because it isn’t your perspective. Personally, I’ve definitely noticed that the type of men who approach me are different since I’ve changed my hair. Maybe it could be that I carry myself differently, but even if that’s the case, my hair is a part of it. More clean-cut black men nod and say hello, younger men are more respectful in their approach, and yes, white men are more forthcoming in regards to trying their luck. Not that I was getting leering losers before, but things HAVE changed. And it’s weird because I was convinced that my hair would be hurdle, and it hasn’t been. I’m dating more now than ever before.

  • fr

    We can only go by experiences. So in MY experience, I too also attract different types of men depending on natural or relaxed hair and even long or short. Believe it or not I recieved the most attention and from professional, older black men when I rocked a short Halle B/Nia cut. My husband who wears locks, loves my natural hair. He is very consious and loves a black woman with natural hair. Relaxed bobs or straight hair, believe it or not I don’t get much love from men with them. So it depends on what is fitting on the woman.