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From The BVX — Last week writer Tracy McMillan caused a stir on the Inter-nuts with an article she penned for Huffington Post entitled “Why You’re Not Married.” This week TheBVX hopes to shed a little more light on the “why am I not married” mystery from a man’s perspective.

For the five of you that missed it, it was another one of those cautionary “I’m-over-30-and-haven’t-found-a-man-to-marry-me-yet articles.” (Think: VH1 stars Chilli and Brandy) While more times than not these tend to be longwinded rants that don’t amount to much, this one was actually pretty good. Not only did McMillan keep it real by calling her fellow women out for their own self-sabotaging behavior, but she also laid everything out in seven clear points that even the most delusional chick could understand. The only problem is she forgot one key thing. As much as a woman might want to walk down the aisle, it won’t mean a thing if there isn’t someone waiting to greet her at the end of it.

While marriage is always on the mind of most women as the dating end game, most men just see it as the end. This may seem like a foreign concept to the ladies, so here are 10 reasons why dudes don’t commit.

1. He doesn’t feel like he can afford you.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of men that would love to put a ring on it. Problem is said ring costs a heck of a lot. There’s even some outdated “rule” about the average engagement ring costing three month’s salary that some women still believe. Even if a guy’s dealing with someone that says she doesn’t care about the size of the ring, deep down inside every woman wouldn’t mind stuntin’ on their friends with a big ol’ blood diamondrock on her hand. That’s a lot of unnecessary pressure–especially in a recession. There’s no way a man is going to propose to a woman he feels he can’t even provide for.

2. He has too many options.

If what women say about there not being enough available men is true then the few that actually qualify as a “good” catch have way too many options. According to a 2009 American Community Survey, there are 131,548 more unmarried and divorced women than men in New York City. If you really want to crunch the numbers that means there are 263,096 more unclaimed boobs in the Big Apple alone. With odds like that why wouldn’t an eligible bachelor have Young Money’s ‘Every Girl‘ as his anthem?

3. He has more time.

Unlike women, men aren’t born with a set number of sperm so we can procreate well past retirement age without worrying about any complications the older we get. Since guys don’t have to go through the physical changes of pregnancy, there’s no biological clock ticking that puts us on a baby-making timetable. That said, most men prefer playing the field a bit longer before retiring from the game. Unfortunately, when we do decide to settle down we’ll probably pick a younger model of you. What up, Russell?

4. He knows someone that looks better than you.

Men are vain and visual creatures. We like women with curves and no wrinkles. So while it’s nice talking to a woman with a nice head on her shoulders, if that combination isn’t offset by some T&A there might be a time delay on that ring. Even if he is open-minded enough to see your inner beauty there’ll always be a prettier face or better body that’ll catch his eye. The simple fact is if a man isn’t initially attracted to you he probably never will.

5. He can’t see you raising his children.

When a man actually gets to the point where he wants a wife, there are a few things he has to consider. Namely, will this hot chick actually make a good wife and mother to his kids? A trophy wife is nice and all but if she doesn’t have a single domestic bone in her pretty body then there may be a problem. We need certain assurances that this woman can take care of the home on all fronts–kitchen, kids and bedroom. That’s the difference between being wifey material and an actual wife.

(Continue Reading @ The BVX….)

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  • John Roberts

    I found the article to be very entertaining. One of the things that worries me is that I might marry the wrong woman. Some women feel that they are entitled to a good man. Marriage is something that if women understood how deep it was to most men, they would concentrate on being the best girlfriends they can be which would increase their chances of marriage. Mean moody angry girlfriends don’t make for desirable wives (something that Tracy McMillan pointed out).

    I look forward to finding the right woman (I just might already have her) and building a solid and happy marriage. A good woman who is marriage material in book should have high self esteem but not arrogant, be an intelligent thinker but not a know it all, passionate about something but not a fanatic, God fearing, family loving, easy going, sexy and freaky, motivating, well rounded, and interesting. Love is still alive ladies. Stay focused and hopeful.

    • Nixy

      Great post. I just hope you’re bringing all that you want to the equation as well. Cuz, well, one of the things that worries me is that I might marry the wrong man. Some men feel that they are entitled to a good woman. Marriage is something that if men understood how deep it was to most women, they would concentrate on being the best boyfriends they can be :-)

    • KylieBlossom

      @ Nixy- Yes! Reciprocity. Don’t expect what you’re not willing to contribute!

  • Kam

    I find it interesting that both this article and the McMillan article do not see any problem with the man’s behavior, only the woman’s. Why is it that Black women are criticized for ignoring “nerd” and going for “bad boys” while this man states “He knows someone that looks better than you” and that is a legitimate excuse? Why is there no advice to Black men that they shouldn’t ignore the “nerds”. Matter of fact, where are the articles decrying the lack of marriage among Black men?

    • isolde

      This is the best comment on this thread.

    • Z

      I agree Kam. Women are constantly told what’s wrong with them and how to fix themselves. It’s getting tired. I think women have done enough work on themselves, it’s time for men to step up their game.