Meeting the parents can be very daunting. Not only do you want to make the very best impression possible, but you also want your partner’s fam to accept you, and hopefully give you their seal of approval.

If you’re hoping your relationship lasts longer than a season of Undercovers, then getting the approval of the ‘rents can be a make-or-break step. But what happens when your man’s mother hates your guts?

Yesterday, as I watched the latest episode of Love & Hip-Hop I began thinking about how deep mother-child bonds can affect relationships.

While most women say they want a man who treats his mother with the utmost respect, they’d also be quick to point out that they don’t want a “mama’s boy,” or rather a man so connected to his mother he is unable to break free from her influence.

On last night’s episode, Chrissy proposed to her long-time boyfriend Jim Jones. Although most of those in attendance were happy for the couple, there was one very important person that was not a happy camper—Jim’s mother.

During the party that Chrissy planned for the proposal, Olivia spoke to the cameras about Nancy Jones’s—Jim’s mother—possible reaction to the proposal. Olivia summed it up saying, “Jim is Nancy’s man, basically. Nancy doesn’t want anybody else taking that position. And if Chrissy goes into that slot…Nancy is fin’ to be upset.”

And boy was she ever.

 

As Nancy threw a fit about not being included in Chrissy’s surprise, I wondered how many mothers hold onto their children, especially their sons, so tightly it stifles their growth.

Chrissy and Jim have been together for years. Despite the fact that Jim has openly expressed his love and adoration for Chrissy, his mother still seems suspicious of their union. Although I could be wrong, my guess is that Nancy doesn’t want to “lose” her spot in Jim’s life, so she’s throwing shade at his potential wife.

I’ve seen this scene play out in real life time and time again. Parents, especially some mothers, vehemently object to their children’s partners simply because they don’t want to be “replaced.” For so long many of these parents have relied on their children to be their companions, friends, and confidants and are afraid of losing that bond, so they go to great lengths—talking trash, planting seeds of doubt, being outright disrespectful—to make sure the relationship crashes and burns.

So far, I have yet to experience a mother on a mission to hate me, but I know it can happen. When and if it does, however, what’s a girl to do?

Clutchettes and Gents, has your partner’s mom ever hated you? How did it affect your relationship?

Let’s discuss!

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  • Jjbs

    Ultimately, my husband had to choose between his Mom and me. I lost, but I won because I didn’t wind up wasting more years trying to get my Mother-in-Law out of my marriage. I was young and naive and believed that things would magically change after we got married… You live and you learn.

  • T

    I really need advice. I can definitely relate to this article here. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and are expecting our first child in about 5 weeks (!) I thought his mom liked me but she was very rude and disrespectful at my baby shower last week. I asked her to help out with buying food and she did but she showed up 40 mins late to help set up and immediately found her a seat and sat down. Uh, hello! Hell, if anyone should have sat down, it should have been the sore back, swollen feet pregnant lady (me!) lol, but I digress. Anyway, she came in rude… didn’t speak and constantly overtalked me the whole time. I guess she thinks its ok because this is her first grandbaby and she has spent alot of money on the baby as far as helping us out. I appreciate everything she has done, but you can’t put a price tag on love. And it certainly doesn’t make up for her always having something to say. I swear I was about to lose it but thank God, the shower was at a church lol. Please help! I want to get along with her and keep the peace but she works my nerve.

  • Hi T,

    We’re on it!

    I think your question would be perfect for our first #DearClutch advice column piece. Please shoot me an email (include your mailing addy) to [email protected] and we’ll send over a little token of appreciation for sharing your question.

    Between the Clutch team & our wonderful readers, hopefully we’ll be able to help you out!

    Thanks,
    The Clutch Team

  • Anna N.

    My husband is an only child of divorced parents, but thank God he’s always been independant and his mom has always recognized that. No drama on that front. Plus she live a few hundred miles away, lol.