“Sometimes you get to the point where you have to just let it burn up everything, all the way to the ground. Sometimes that’s what you have to do to get yourself back again.”

When one of my best guy friends told me this one, I did what I did with most of his hidden gems of wisdom. I smugly scoffed it off.

To put this in context: he was telling me about another girl he had broken up with and over Stellas explaining why he was ok with not speaking to her. I, not being a fan of the excommunication method of break ups, ignored his comment. It was just him being immature, being one of my guys, loveable but sometimes just frustratingly wrong.

Of late, I’ve started to reconsider my friend’s advice on how to handle the floating pieces that seem to be drifting aimlessly through my life nowadays.

Whether it is the old friend with unclear loyalties or the indecisive ex, there are so many situations where my ties can feel like they are wrapping around me like those thick pieces of tug-of-war rope, burning my hands as I tug only to be pulled and dragged away.

This month, as I’ve been forced to make more and more decisions about my future, I’ve been having less and less time to tug the rope. Instead, I’ve had to learn that engaging in certain situations does not nothing more than leave me with red palms and raw wounds.

Often times as women, we engage in a continual tug of war, between finding resolution and accepting what is real. Because sometimes the hardest thing for us to admit, is that we’ve been trying to save the things that should’ve been left in the fire.

I don’t know that I’ll ever reach a point of emotional detachment and honestly, I don’t know that it’s what I am aiming for. The truth is I am just learning to accept when a situation is no longer for my good and no longer one that I can contribute positively to.  We’re always told that it’s important to mend fences, but few women realize that it’s equally important to know when it’s time to light flames.

Today, examine the positive relationships worth pulling from the ashes and release yourself from the reluctance of leaving the negative ties to the flames.

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