We all have the list in our minds. You know, the (long, long) list of what we’d like our ideal partner to be like. Some of us have even written it down. But it’s there—lurking in our minds whenever we meet a potential boo. We compare, edit, scratch some things off, make exceptions, or use it to weed out people we deem a bad match.

My list used to be massive. My ideal guy would have to be absolutely brilliant, respect/revere God, know how to talk politics and poetry. He’d recognize the genius of James Baldwin, Illmatic, and The Godfather. Not only would he get my off-beat sense of humor, he’d also be an artist (writer, painter, musician, something). My ideal guy would be masculine yet in touch with his emotions, chivalrous, yet appreciative of a woman’s independence. And he had to be tall…most certainly taller than me so when we embraced my head would fit comfortably on his chest.

My list was long, impressive, and probably impossible. When I look back at all of the things I once felt were deal breakers, I’m amazed I ever fell in love at all. And while it didn’t end up like I wanted, it wasn’t because he wasn’t an artist or didn’t love Illmatic as much as I did.

Recently I began conversing with a gentleman who—amazingly—has many things on my original list. He loves (good) hip-hop as much as I do, he gets my propensity to flit via double entendres, he’s masculine yet appreciates the fact that a woman has her own mind, and he’s smart. The only hitch? We’re the same height. The old me would have immediately pushed him into the friend category simply because he didn’t tower over me. But as I’ve matured, I realize superficial things like height, shouldn’t be barriers to getting to know someone. While it’s way too early to tell what will happen with ol’ boy, I am enjoying getting to know him without worrying about how he matches up to my list.

While it’s important to know what you want in a partner, having a list that’s too expansive and rigid could prevent you from find love in the first place.

Clutchettes and Gents…do you have a list? Describe your ideal partner.

Let’s talk about it!


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