Before Father’s Day even hit, I started to see them. The Facebook posts and tweets wondering when the anti-Father’s Day status updates and tweets would begin rolling in.

Like clockwork, as soon as Sunday rolled around it happened. The shouts out to all the single moms holding it down for the dead beat dads, the Facebook posts putting “bitch ass men” on blast for not taking care of their children, the angry tweets recalling fathers who were absent—they were there, for the world to see and many more to cosign.

It got so bad that even positive reflections, like the one from Denene Millner of MyBrownBaby, shouting out great fathers were co-opted by those whose dads or baby daddies (I hate that term, by the way) were not, for lack of a better word, shit.

I get it.

Some of us had horrible experiences with men, and particularly men with children. And it hurts, and we are still trying to process the pain and the void his absence left behind. But damn, good brothers can’t get love (on Father’s Day no less) because a few knuckleheads messed it up?

I am always astounded at the level of vitriol hurled at men come Father’s Day. Reading some of the Facebook statuses and tweets would have you believe that most of us had rolling stone papas or made babies with men who could care less what happened next. For some, this might very well be the case, but I’d wager that most of us had a father (or grandfather, uncle, etc.) who served as our guide, our protector, our positive male role model. And even if that wasn’t the case, if you missed out on the love of your daddy, must you use this day—Father’s Day—to dishonor those men who have run, arms open into fatherhood?

For me, it all comes back to hurt, anger and bitterness. While I totally understand that some of us have had horrible experiences with men, and even men who were our fathers, at some point we cannot keep letting it dictate how we interact with others.

Just as you wouldn’t hold all men accountable for that “ain’t shit” man who broke your heart (I hope), you shouldn’t blame, diss, or discount the good works of fathers who are doing what they’re supposed to do.

Is it a shame we have so many absent fathers in our community? Hell yes! But being the first to point out a man’s flaws (or even worse, hunt for them), instead of critiquing from a place of love isn’t exactly productive either.

I think Badu said it best when she implored us to let go of our bags. If we take the brave and difficult step to lay down the bitterness, the hurt, the anger, the negative attitude, the animosity, and the need to get them before they get us, I bet we’ll be surprised at how quickly things can change.

What do you think Clutchettes and Gents? Why do so many people continue to hold onto bitterness? Speak on it!


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  • taylor

    How is a woman bitter who shouts out women who are single parents? This article=FAIL.

  • Tai

    I totally agree with this article! Fathers day is meant to celebrate the GOOD men in our lives and yes there are those individuals who didnt have that figure in their lives but for some reason the negative overshadows the men that are great fathers. On mothers day you do not see the same sentiments and guess what there are horrible mothers out there! I just wish that we could let the postive male figures get some shine on at least one day of the year, just 1 day. Is that too much to ask?

  • hellifiknow

    I’m realize I’m late on this – but my father was certainly not perfect. But he died in 1998 and I wish I had the opportunity to see him or spend more time with him. So that’s another perspective for some of you. I can understand your disappointment with a father who wasn’t there for you, or the issues you may have when you have a child by a man who isn’t there for your or your child. Buf if you’ve lost your father altogether, you may have a different perspective. I loved my father regardless and as I get older, I certainly wish he was here…we’ll never share a laugh together, he never got to see his grandchildren grow up, and he’ll never go to my wedding (whenever that happens.) My father would be considerably older now anyway, but honestly, I think sometimes I could have been a better daughter. He made his mistakes and he definitely paid for them. But you might have a different perspective with time. Thanks for reminding me why I got off Facebook altogether, though.

  • I’ll admit I was one of those children who didn’t give a crap about their fathers on fathers day. I honestly can careless if anyone on this article or in world thinks that I’m bitter. I still can careless about my father, he can burn in a ditch for all I care. Once the damage is done it’s done, no forgiveness and no silence for those women. And to be honest I don’t blame them. So no I don’t agree with this article in the least bit.

    As mother said handle men ‘with a long handle spoon’. And to be honest I actually had forgotten about fathers day that’s how much I just don’t care about my father. How I found out was through other post, and that’s when I said my piece. To be honest I really didn’t care if he saw my post or not. Don’t mistake ‘our’ anger for caring/love. I’m actually sick of people telling me how I feel (saying that I’m hurt) when your not me to feel what I feel.

    Also don’t try to sound justified “Us good brothers” psh that’s a lie, no man will know what he will do in any situation for them to be called decent or good. See those are abstract words, what do you consider decent? what do you consider good?. And no I don’t want to hear a life story of how ‘your’ a good father or anyone else for that fact, or how ‘good’ of a person you are.

    Or tell me my life story when no one on this site knows nothing about me. As I stated see me as bitter, angry, or hurt. It shalt not change my opinion. To be honest this I don’t want pity or ‘I feel bad for her, her father must have abandoned her’ because you know nothing about me, not even from just this one post. So the whole meaning of what I’m saying is you must know these women before saying “They should forgive”, “They’re making all men pay”, “They’re excluding us ‘good’ brothers”. Until you know them, and experience what they all experience then you should kindly shut up.