Wedding mania season has officially begun. Everywhere you turn the birds are singing a song of joy to trumpet the upcoming nuptials of scores of couples across the country. You will need stamina, speed, and courage to get through the season alive, and this list of survival tips will help ensure you make it out in one piece.
1. Prepare for the Great Outdoors
Since everyone loves to schedule their special day in the summertime, there’s a fairly good chance you’ll be sweating your doobie wrap out in at least one outdoor wedding. Be sure you drink lots of fluids (liquor doesn’t count) and eat prior to the ceremony. You may also want to consider sunscreen and bug spray. However, if you do find yourself bitten by bugs, you can always use the alcohol from the open bar to sooth your skin.
2. Have an answer – to everything
You already know that being the single gal at the celebration of marital bliss can make you the odd (wo)man out, and a good way to counter this is to have canned answers to every question imaginable. There is a 99.9% probability that someone’s nosy aunt will have questions about why your date hasn’t put a ring on it yet, so make sure your answer is of equal or greater ignorance than the query. For example, you could say something like “he’s only for show, they don’t allow my kind to get married in this state.” The look on said aunt’s face will be nothing short of priceless.
3. Bring something
Please don’t be the ratchet friend that shows up to with a gift card to Applebee’s. Bring something appropriate for the occasion, it’s the least you could do, especially since the bride’s family is paying out the wazoo for you to scarf down everything on the buffett. A toaster or a blender, good. A Val-Pack coupon book, not so good.
4. Dress Appropriately
At every wedding, without fail, there is someone who shows up in clothing that is more appropriate for a player’s ball than a union of everlasting love. This is not the club. Men, please refrain from donning Steve Harvey short sets with straw hats and square-tipped Stacey Adams. And ladies, for the love of Ray-J, do not wear cut-out dresses from DTLR.
5. Share the Love
Last but definitely not least on the list is to share the love. While some people take this to the extreme (trying to hook up with the groom’s younger brother after the party), it’s good to remember the whole point of the celebration. Weddings can be extremely exciting and extremely stressful for all who are involved in them, but remember that love is (or should be) the reason for the occasion. Share in the joy of the two people who are coming together to create a family. It’s a beautiful thing.
Hopefully these insights will give you some (humorous) ways in which to tackle the approaching nuptial season. All you can do is prepare for the onslaught. Only the strong will survive.
What say you, Clutchettes? What techniques do you use to manage wedding stress?