Given today’s holiday, I’ve been thinking a lot about fatherhood. My own dad, the friends of mine who have somehow gone from goofy kids to fathers before my eyes and the man who will father my own children someday (not sure who that is yet…well, I have a good hunch…I think).

I’m not eyeing the clock and rushing to the altar, but I am at the point in which I’d only involve myself seriously with someone who I could see myself marrying. And one of the things I’m assessing these days is “daddy potential”: does he want children? Does he appear to have the potential to be a loving, compassionate and thoughtful dad? Would I want a son to emulate him? And a daughter to see him as her first image of manhood? Can this person teach our children the values I want them to learn?

Are you looking at a man’s potential to be a good father when dating? What sort of clues may make you feel like someone could be a great dad? What may cause you to feel otherwise? Do you talk parenting with mates at this point, or are you waiting until you are ready to have children?

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  • Jenell

    I never thought about kids, really (we were 19 when we met). I just wanted a good partner, but I guess certain qualities in a good partner would also make for a good parent. I was never into bad boys, thank goodness.

  • Good topic & good question that ALL women who are looking to start a family should honestly ask themselves and their potential mate. Unfortunately a lot of women don’t ask it and/or not honest with themselves when they see the signs that would cancel said potential OUT!!

    I prefer NOT dating men w/children because it’s a lot of “work” that I’d rather focus on getting to know one person not more then that. But as I get older this is harder and harder to do. I have NO children and strongly believe that if I have any he HAS to have good qualities. First he needs to be a whole man, grounded with faith/love/responsibility. Being emotionally available to love not only me but our children. When I see things that are contrary to that I BELIEVE IT~~ I don’t say “Oh if I have kids with him he’ll change” That’s the lies that sometimes cause a woman to be a single mother. I know b/c I’ve seen that mess w/my own eyes & most of my girlfriends have said it and when the child comes………. they’re left in the dust. BTW they were NEVER married 1st either. Now I’m not saying being married will guarantee that you won’t get left but…..too often women are NOT getting married & surprised when the man leaves. That happens b/c you let him know that there was no pre-requisite to commit so he’s exercising his selfish options.

    All I know is you get what you put up with. If you don’t demand the respect of certain things you’ll get the crap of it :(

  • Alexandra

    I also agree that this is a good topic and it needs to be talked about more. And Ebonylolita’s first paragraph kinda summed up exactly what I was going to say. While I don’t really look forward to having children, I would mostly definitely find out from a guy his thoughts on being a parent. I would also choose a guy who shares my views on not having kids of course.

    Whether you want to have kids or not, I think it’s still important to find out anyway. Given the circumstances of some women, it would’ve really saved them drama, stress and burden had they examined the type of man they got pregnant by. Marriage is the last solution, but people really need to talk about marriage more.. Whats that song: ‘first comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage’….Nowadays its baby first and marriage later (unlikely now given the times).