Recently a friend of mine found himself in a sticky situation. After meeting a potential new boo, he found out that the newbie was friends with his ex. Although he wasn’t sure of the extent of their friendship, he was worried that the potential for disaster (or drama) was high.

Because they weren’t talking marriage, but rather just a casual first date, I told him to go for it, and probe deeper to find out what the friendship between the new person and the ex was really like.

Although everyone is a rational adult, and my boy and his ex have been broken up for over two years (and have since dated other people), apparently, his ex’s feelings were hurt. Why? He felt my friend was shopping too close to home. Because of their situation (my friend and his ex are still pretty cool friends), I didn’t see any harm in it, but apparently I was wrong.

What do you think Clutchettes and Gents? Is it ever okay to date a friend of your ex? Have you? How’d it work out?

Let’s talk about it! 

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  • Pink

    To date a friend’s Ex is tacky to me. @Jinx MoneyPenny: Where are all these guys u refer to to choose from? Lucky u if u have a lot to choose from; but the general concensus is that it’s hard for the majority of women to find someone to date.

  • binks

    I agree with those who says it depends on how big of an ex that person was to you. If it was a few fly by nigh dates here or there I can’t really argue with that but if this ex was a big part of your romantic life than that is a problem. But either way I wouldn’t do it, it is just to messy and to close for comfort in one circle especially if body fluids are getting exchange so nope.

  • AG

    I think it is fine as long it is done in a respectful way to your friend. I’m not saying that you need your friend’s permission or blessing…but I do think it is something that should be communicated with this friend before you cross those lines. If they find out about it through a third party or if you were trying to hide it/lie about it the “friendship” is ruined. You can’t choose who ou like/love. But be a lady/gentleman about it. You’ll have a free conscience and be able start the relationship off on the right foot.

    If the friend lies or hides it…cut your losses and move on from both of them.

  • Ann G

    I agree that if it was a super close ex you were hugely invested in, that would be a no-no. But if it was casual, I don’t see a problem. I actually lost a friend recently over a situation like this. A former casual sex buddy of hers was feeling me (and definitely for more than sex), and the feeling was mutual. So we decided to date, much to the dismay of my former friend.

    What I would change differently, is speaking to her about it. At the time it felt silly, because we’re two grown people that weren’t attached (and their fling was done over a year before we met). Also, she had bad-mouthed him so much in front of me (before she knew we had connected), that I assumed she wouldn’t care in the slightest. I was wrong.

    Either way, this is definitely a cultural issue that seems to really affect Black women tremendously. In the Jewish community, friends actually introduce other friends to former partners, datees, etc. in hopes that they can work out. I feel that our women have this “no-sharing even though it’s long and gone” psyche about men, since we feel there’s barely enough good ones to go around.