Over the weekend I meet up with a new guy for our first date. Prior to going out, we’d exchanged text messages and spoke on the phone. The conversation was easy and he seemed to “get” (well, mostly) my sense of humor. After playing phone and text tag for about a week, we decided to meet for dinner and drinks.

First impressions are crucial, so decided to wear a flirty tunic, skinnys, and a pair of heels. I resisted the urge to dress down even though we were meeting at a spot known for grown-up video games, pool tables, and bar food. I wanted to look good, but not too overdone. I think it worked.

After getting turned around on the drive (in which dude called to make sure I knew how to get there and made it safely, very nice), we finally met up. We hugged—a little awkwardly, but that’s to be expected—and grabbed a table near the bar.

Not surprisingly, the conversation was easy. We talked about our jobs, what we like to do on weekends, traveling, his kids (he’s divorced), sports, and who the Lakers should try to get in the off season. Although we joked, laughed, and never had many awkward silences, in my head I was quietly resigning him to the “friend” category.


There just wasn’t a spark.


He was attractive, but he was missing something—a little swag, or confidence, or something that would draw me to him and feel those clichéd butterflies.

At the end of the night he hinted that he wanted to continue our date…at his house (a big no-no), but being I had just met dude, had a long day, and I had a 30-minute drive ahead of me, I declined.

On the drive home, I called my friend and told him about the date. I mentioned that although the man was very nice, there wasn’t any spark, and that I didn’t feel compelled to see him again. The funny thing is, I’ve been on the other side of that conversation before and have told girlfriends that maybe they should give the nice guy another shot. Perhaps by getting to know him better—I’d tell them—the spark will come.

But now…I’m not so sure.

After our date I sent him a polite text message thanking him for the evening, but have yet to call him again (he’s called). Did I write him off too quickly or should I give him another shot?

What do you think Clutchettes and Gents…when there is no spark, should you go out on another date or move onto the next one?

Let’s talk about it! 

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  • First dates from a guy’s perspective are different. I personally don’t expect much seeing as most women bring their “representative” rather than their true selves. I intentionally choose atmospheres that are casual to promote comfort & normality (coffee bars,parks,breakfast only restaurants, bookstores etc) only to have her still come as if we are headed to the club later. (dressed in her highest heels & revealing clothes). I say that to say this, First impressions are just that but it usually takes a another meeting or two in order to see a person without the mask we wear in our attempt to impress someone we’re trying to court. So unless the 1st date is horrible or creepy a second outing should be mandatory.

  • Rastaman

    If you like the dude, you owe it to yourself to find out if there is an appeal there. Not every nice guy will be your type but everything appealing about a person will not be revealed in an initial meeting. You may have been nervous, he may have been nervous or you both may have been too nervous to connect very well.

    Get the stars out your eyes and realize that relationships can be complex and sometimes we have to take the bull by the horn and make things happen. That I did not feel it so it must not be there is some pie in the sky thinking. Sometimes what we think we feel is not always a good thing but sometimes our intuition warning us to run.

  • dana

    I had a first date, sort of a “blind date” and the guy did everything perfect to a “t” but he smoked and gambled (both of which I don’t like) and we had literally nothing in common. So, I opted for no second date. He became really upset with me because I wouldn’t go out with him again, leaving me a couple of nasty voicemails. So glad I stopped at the first date.