Mondays suck. You know what else sucks? Terrible sex. You’re gracious enough to let someone put another notch on your bed post, all the while knowing that if you have too many of those (which is like, what, more than three?)  you won’t be good enough to be someone’s wife or girlfriend someday and how does he repay you? By being terrible.

I’ve had a few bedroom mishaps in my day, from a broken bunk bed (his) in college to a case of ‘is it in yet, cause I don’t feel a thing’ to a growler…yes, as in Mufasa, Simba and ‘nem growling. But I think the handsdown most awkward moment came when a friend who I’d had a long-time mutual attraction to and I decided to get it popping only to find the experience to be less than…just…less than. A lowlight: despite suffering from Nostrokeatall disease, homeboy decided to yell out “Who’s ____ is this?”, to which I replied “Um, it’s mine. I was just letting you borrow it for a moment.” I don’t think either of us will ever forget that.

Your turn, Clutch fam. Got any awesomely bad anecdotes from the sack? Of course, its understood that we are all just kidding, that we’re actually quite virtuous and that we’re only making these things up for fun, k?

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  • Lala

    I got u though…Clearly, my life sucks b/c I was the queen of great sex til I found my husband. Gone in 60 seconds. Yep. #DONE

  • TIERRA226

    I was having okay sex with this guy when he decided to lick my armpit when I had my arms up. I couldn’t concentrate on anything after lol.

  • caramel

    My worst would be the guy who couldn’t get hard but he kept trying to put it in anyway and developed a nose bleed in the process, thereby dripping blood all over me and the bed.

  • RealityCheck

    i don’t have casual sex….sorry i can’t participate.

    • TeeHee

      Meaningless post is meaningless.

    • chanelA

      seriously. its so stupid cause if you were actually in a trusting and loving relationship with someone then you can just say “hey baby can you try this?”or “i like it better when you do this”. instead of “bleh the sex is horrible”. talk to your partner. this is why they say that communication is important.

  • oknow

    was w/this guy and he couldn’t eat for nothing.. after a while i had to show him like really guide him.. 2nd, big thing but didn’t know what to do w/it.. always wanted me on my knees.. when i didn’t like him or the sex anymore i had to let him know and then i ditched him and moved on.. no more bad sex for me..