For the first time in my 30+ years, I asked my father for advice about relationships, and gasp, men. Call me desperate. I was. But I figured, after 64 years on the planet, he knew something about what makes his kind tick. And well, we’ve developed a relationship over the years where sugarcoating is unnecessary. I knew he was going to give it to me straight.

Why was I desperate? Oh where to begin. I had fallen for a guy who seemed to have fallen for me. We were hot, hot, hot. Then he turned lukewarm out of the blue. Then damn right cold.

I had seen this scenario before, so I was not opposed to wondering what role I played in this disturbing trend. I wanted my love life to be different and wanted to know what I should be doing differently—you know that whole if you keep doing the same thing you’re going to continue to get the same results school of thought.

Hence the Sunday call with Pops.

I ran down the details then asked him what I should do.

His advice?

Act like you don’t give a sh*t.

I know; it sounds like the title of a dating book for women written by a man.

But I’ve heard this sentiment before. Men like a chase, blah, blah, blah.

“That’s not how I am,” I pleaded with my father. “If I like someone, I like him. I don’t want to play games.”

“I know,” my father said. “I know that’s not you.”

And it’s not a lot of women.

Oh but how I sometimes secretly admire those women who can keep their emotions more in check and who don’t wear their heart on their sleeves. The Keisha Greene’s of the world (but you see how it ain’t all that different when they get caught up).

Originally, I dismissed my father’s advice.

Until, as part of an attempt to demystify my love life, I asked my ex-boyfriend why he broke up with me.

“You were too accessible,” he said.

I took in his words. Listened. No judgment. Just tried to learn.

Then I asked only one follow-up question: what does that mean?

“You made it too easy for me.” He responded.

That’s all I needed to hear.

It was time to try something different.

So I stopped giving a sh*t.

What does that mean? Who knows really.

Do I wait to call at least 48 hours after seeing someone? Do I not, under any circumstances tell a dude how I feel? Do I act nonchalantly towards any feelings he may display for me? Should I stop being so helpful?

For me, I translated it as not being too accessible, which really turned out to mean: not putting all my eggs in one basket. I was still easy as Sunday morning, but with more eggs to nurture, who had time to always be available and who had the capacity to care too deeply with everyone?

Talk about fun. I finally found out what people meant when they said they were dating.

Oh I called back when I called back. I responded to texts when I got around to it. I hung out with guys occasionally, when the mood hit.

As much as I hate to admit this, there was a power in it all. I was in control of my feelings instead of the other way around.

Was it all genuine? Nope. Was I playing games? Yep.

At the end of the day, was it me? Nope.

I do give a sh*t. I like one-on-one situations (I’ve been told my other male friends through my investigations to avoid the R word wherever possible) and not just for the mental simplicity, but also because that’s what I prefer. Period.

And you know what else? I’m a giver. I’m a lover. I care deeply. That’s me.

And call me silly, unrealistic, but I know there’s a dude out there who prefers that.

But I did learn something from my father’s advice. I’ve slowed down. And in doing so, interestingly enough, it has affected my accessibility, not in a character-changing way, but because I’m interested in really getting to know someone. That takes time; it’s a process.

And well, eventually good sh*t will happen.

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  • Lydia laures

    I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to DR Olawole the great messenger to the whole world who God has given him the grace to help people in their relationships, I narrated my problem to DR Olawole about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were I will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the next 2 days, My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and overwhelmed that I have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Olawole at the following email address and get all your problem solve.. No problem is too big for him to solve. Contact him direct on: [email protected] And get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: [email protected]

  • Sean McLaughlin

    When you lose yourself trying to gain someone else, you’ve lost everything…

  • DrE

    I want a woman who cares. I have no room in my life for people who don’t give a shit, so I obviously I won’t enter a close romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t give a shit. I might be all the more aversive of someone who acts like they don’t give a shit to me when they actually do or want to. If a woman thinks that is what I want she is wrong, and I doubt I’m the only one. I think this tactic attracts the wrong kind of attention..


    I contacted Metodo Acamu get me a spot to play with my dream team at Liga Endesa. It was all i wanted. Apparently they always told me i was not tough enough not tall enough even when i played better than most of the professional basketballers in the team. Their was always something that will make them reject me even with other teams, For six years it was basically like that for me, i was losing hope and the dream was fading away. But something, i believe good fate, led me to read a couple of comment on the Internet about Metodo Acamu and all those he had helped get want they wanted. He helped me cast a spell to get me into the team just after two day he told me that the next week i was going to get a call from a coach i was working with before,he was to link me up with some real people that can get me to play for the team i have always wanted . Just as he told me it happened. To contact him with this email address ( metodo acamu fortress at yahoo dot com ) you know what to do. And please not be careful i notice some people use real people testimony to deceive people reading this comment on the Internet to contact order spell casters they claim to have seeked help from beware form them. I mean some one can copy my comment and edit out only the name of the Metodo Acamu and his contact details and replace with maybe a fake spell caster. Be care and and when reading testimonies be attentive, check date of comment and try to remember at least the first line of the comment to avoid contacting the wrong spell caster .

  • Bryony Fleming

    I really was not going to talk about this but some how in a way i thought it will be unfair not to let other know about about Mutton Osun one of the only few spell caster that can still utter the order of this world from bad to good only if you ask him to help you do so. I use to read about people who calm to that he helped them make the man of their dreams fall in love with them and how a man who had no feelings for them now care about them with their own life. I was moved by those testimonies to actually contact the Mutton Osun for help and the stars being my witness everything i read about him was just and only true. I after came out of a bad relationship/marriage thank god, i told myself i was never going to let love take me all the way again i was only interested in the sex and fun of a relationship but love was what i never let happen. But this, what i was doing , it did not last because even if we tell ourselves no men in our lives one comes and break all our rules that we led down by ourselves . It’s in the DNA of a woman we must fall a that man or woman whether straight or gay. It happened to me i am writing from experience. I moved to a new neighborhood wanting to be away form the kind of i life i lived and the kind i was living. I wanted something new and exciting but never wanted love but then again it found me. I was attracted to neighbor just four houses from mine. Because of him, i started morning jogging just so he notice me. Firstly it was an attraction but then it grew even when i tried denying it , it grew. He was all i thought of in the shower, kitchen each time i see something or hear something romantic my first thought is him. My friend finally made me ask him out which was one of the stupidest thing i have ever done. It paid of though we talk laughed and that day i felt happy after a very long time because he understood me liked we where sync together. The thing is that as kind and sweet as he was to me he was the unfaithful type. I got him to date me and i was love with him as the day i first saw him but he was always in the company of another woman. An i was again facing a similar dilemma only this time their was not violence and all. I tried just like we women try to keep our man happy still he goes out and do things he is not suppose to do with other ladies. I grew frustrated and at that time i decided to give spell cast a try work or not i was to loss nothing. I contact Mutton Osun with the email address i saw on the Internet . He gave me list of materials i was to prove for the process which i did i guess i was lucky because in some of the testimonies i read they were not able to find the materials he ask for. Note please Mutton Osun did not charge me for anything. I sent the materials to him via courier and just as he received it, after 48 hours he completed the spell and sent me a package via courier also that i paid for long side instruction on how to use the content. It being six months and my love leaves just for me now that his bad attitude are all gone. Its really had to explain what i experienced but Mutton Osun spell worked miracles for me you will under understand when he helps you. You can contact him with his email address just like the one i saw on the internet { godsofosunx at rocketmail dot com } . Beware some people might copy this comment and change the name of this spell caster and his mailing address read carefully and observe the date it was posted .