I know a woman. She’s twenty-something, successful, educated, driven, caring, positive, beautiful and jealous. So jealous it makes her look ugly sometimes. This woman is not jealous of material things; she makes more than enough to buy at least some of the things her heart’s expensive taste desires. So what is she jealous of you ask? I’ll tell you – L.O.V.E. Yup, this otherwise successful woman is jealous of love. Every time one of her friends or family members gets engaged, pregnant, has a date night, receives a sweet text or gift or just plain looks content in their relationship, that ugly little monster rears its head. And she doesn’t even know that she’s jealous. I’ve heard her cry over a man that was clearly not for her, finding love. I’ve listened to her ramble on and on trying to convince herself (she thought she was convincing me) that she was genuinely happy for family and friends who announced engagements. I listened to her preach the teachings of Steve Harvey and declare that his words were going to help her find the love of her life. I personally have even tasted the light salt she threw my way every time I would tell her I had a good date night. It’s to the point where as the days and months pass that she is without the type of love she seeks, she comes across more like the stereotypical angry black woman, than the amazing woman she really is.

I along with a few friends have tried to throw in our two cents on how she can get some good loving, but she always brushes the advice off or modifies it so it fits the same old routine she’s used to. Even when she was dating someone and discussed with us some issues he brought up to her about their situation, our crew gave her tons of ideas on how to handle them in a way that would work for both of them. No dice. Now I won’t ever claim to be an expert on relationships; Lord knows I’ve had my share of hot mess relationships and situations…trust me. However, there are solutions for almost every problem and if you’re going to sit around secretly (or not so secretly in her case. She thinks we don’t notice…but umm, yea) jealous, sad and bitter about not having your own slice of the happiness pie, shouldn’t you at least be open to the positive advice of your friends?

Recently I’ve started cutting back on talking to her about my dating life because when I’m happy I want to share it with people that are genuinely happy for me. If something good happens, why shouldn’t I be able to share it with someone who is supposed to be a friend? It’s almost kind of sad in a way to not be able to talk to her about this new and exciting part of my life, but negativity breeds negativity and I refuse to let any of that mess into my world.

Do any of you have jealous friends and if so, how do you deal with it? Is it even possible to have a true friendship with someone you can’t share important parts of your life with?

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  • Patricia

    Part 2. Also, it is not always what you have/material possessions . Often times people are jealous of the type of person you are. Some people are just plain jealous of the internal happiness you have. Remember misery loves company. They can be really dangerous (envy) when it comes to happy go-lucky people.

    • Anon

      Like I said, this year was especially hard due to ending some friendships that had been there for nearly a decade, or longer. I certainly didn’t have the most (material things). But all it took was some weight loss (I’ve been thin my whole life except for a two year stretch due to illness), a good-looking boyfriend, mapping towards grad school… and I’ve never seen such backstabbing in my life. The main thing that one person told me? She was currently miserable in her relationship and didn’t know what to do with her life and so since I seemed so happy, obviously, she wanted to ruin that for me. Like that was normal and acceptable behavior!!!
      Anyway ladies, look at their faces when you’re sharing good news. If you see contempt or crazy… just let them go and save yourself the drama.

    • thinkpink

      @Patricia this is so true. Even when I’m struggling happiness stays at my center and I’ve seen first hand that this bothers many and I mean MANY people. Right now I mask my happiness because the jealousy is so prevalent but I am trying to find healthier ways to deal with this.

  • Alexandra

    I used to be close with my cousins ex-best friend. Probably the most jealous woman I’ve ever encountered. She was never ashamed about it, she was upfront and intruded herself in things that had nothing to do with her, never missing a moment to say something negative. When I got my first job, and started making my ‘own’ money, her jealousy became more apparent. She made slick comments about me being spoiled and ungrateful, and that I spent money on useless things. This is from a woman who had two kids by two men struggling to take care of herself and her kids. It’s hard to care about someone so negative, and I didn’t. I flat out told her, she wouldn’t be such miserable woman had she kept her legs closed and stopped having babies. If it weren’t for her kids, she would have her own money to spend on herself; since that was what bugged her so much. She was mad at our freedom, finances, etc; I never apologized for what I said and probably never will. My cousin eventually dropped her along the way too. Three kids later, she’s still a negative Nancy.

    I think it’s impossible to have a friendship with a jealous person, unless that person is willing to cope with what they don’t have. No matter if they try to hide it, it will still show. One of my friends since middle school, use to always drop comments here and there about me not working. I didn’t get my first real job till I was 20. I can admit I was raised a bit spoiled, but there was never a need for me to work when my parents provided for me and encouraged me to focus on school instead. She was aware of this but I can tell it bugged her, especially since her own parents were strict and cut her allowance when she was 18. I have no room for jealous people in my life.

  • Tonya

    I have a jealous friend. When things are going good b/t her and whomever she’s talking to at the moment, she’s brags all the damn time. If I’m talking to someone and she’s not, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is “I don’t wanna hear that lovey dovey shit” smh. Why can’t you just be happy for me?? My own mother is the same way. She can never congratulate you on anything unless it’s concerning her. I’m almost done with school and my mother has not once congratulated me, but she’s quick to ask me for some of my refund money from school.

  • I’ve got a few friends like this. It’s come to a point where I just have to distance myself, because it’s a really draining situation to be in. If people are unsatisfied with themselves and wallow in the jealousy of others, they will try to bring you down to their level.