If you don’t live in a queer Mecca or seep gay out of your pores, meeting Ms. Right (or Ms. Right Now) might seem daunting if not impossible. Chances are you have no clue where to meet other lesbian and bisexual women. Even if you do, you might not know how to approach her. But meeting that special lady can be fun if you keep your mind and options open. Here’s how!
How to Spot Her…
You’re on the train on your way to work and a beautiful woman catches your eye. Is she into women or straight, you wonder. Your gaydar doesn’t sound off. So you look for “clues.” Does she have any piercings? Tattoos? Are her nails long or short? How is she wearing her hair? Is she rocking rainbow paraphernalia?
Of course, even if she had her septum pierced, a shaved head, a sleeve tattoo and combat boots, that’d be no surefire sign that she’s queer. But it should make you a little more at ease about making eye contact. Even if she isn’t queer’d out, simply smiling is completely innocent and unassuming. Her response will be an indicator of your next step.
If she freaks out, looks uncomfortable, and keeps her head turned the other way for the rest of the ride, she’s either a New Yorker or straight. If she smiles back, she’s either super-friendly or super-gay.
Online dating is becoming increasingly common as dating sites offer lots of potential for relationships and casual hookups. They also give you access to a pool of women you might not otherwise have at your fingertips. Literally.
Use an original name that says something about your interests or personality. Opt for one that’s a bit clever. If your username sounds like you’ve been using it since you were 14, then ditch it. (Sorry, Sexifemme82.)
Be honest and try to give people a sense of who you are…but don’t take it too seriously. Have fun with it! And cast a wide net. If you see someone who catches your eye but is a few years older or a few inches shorter than what you’d typically date, send her a note anyway.
Don’t get upset if someone that you “wink” at doesn’t respond. “Internet dating is a numbers game, so don’t fixate on one person,” says Jincey Lumpkin, founder of Juicy Pink Box, in her HuffPo column. “Contact lots of people. Keep the interactions going.”
If you’re just looking to hook up, let the person know that you’re not looking for anything serious. Also, assume that everyone you are dating is simultaneously dating other people. “Don’t get your panties in a wad if you find out that they have a date the night after yours,” Jincey Lumpkin adds. “You could be scheduling multiple dates yourself — in fact, you should be.”