The Republican Primaries are still going strong. Last night, the remaining four candidates gathered for their 19th—that’s right, 19th—debate in Jacksonville, FL. It was  the last debate before the Florida primary on Jan. 31. Then it’s on to Super Tuesday and Groundhog Day will strike again.

Til then, here are my (try-not-to-jump-off-the) Cliff Notes from last night’s debate.

First of all, the crowd was whiter than an albino billygoat. I found myself playing a rather challenging game of “count the black folk.” I found three. And I was proud of myself. They did, however, include Latinos through videoconferencing a viewing party in Miami.

The evening kicked off with the big gun: immigration. Cue Mitt Romney defending his support for the enforcement of immigration laws with such force that people would begin to “selfdeport.” As in, make life so miserable for people who risked their lives to come to America that they will return to their home countries. Other candidates agreed. Shocker.

Newt Gingrich was taken to task for his statement that Spanish was the language of the ghetto. Newt, in no specific order, denied it, deflected it, and then claimed it was taken out of context. Oh, but it wasn’t. He sure wasn’t talking about Pig Latin. And why the apology in Spanish then?

Rick Santorum advocated “intervention” in Latin America and helping the Cuban people enjoy freedom. I liked him better when he was talking about “blah people.

Hearing these people talk about immigration made me miss RickPerry. Typing that sentence made me want to pack a knapsack and head into the wilderness.

The feel-good moment of the night came when the candidates were asked which Latino leaders they would include in their cabinets. Then, they all but dropped to their knees to grovel at the feet of Latino politicians and couldn’t praise them enough. It was beautiful.

The feel-bad moment of the night was when a Palestinian-American Republican looked the candidates in eyes and said “We do exist.” And the candidates, aside from Ron Paul, responded that Palestinians, basically, should not exist and that Israel is our friend. Not them. [Note to self: bring a teddybear to the next debate.]

Wrapping up.

Want to know what keeps New Gingrich up at night? The thought of Chinese people on the moon. Why? Cause Americans should get there first. So, he is committed to creating a colony on the moon. The man literally promised the moon.

Oh, and Ron Paul wants to cut $1 trillion from the federal budget within the first year of his presidency. Good thing that’ll never happen.

What did you think Clutchettes? Any other highlights?



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