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Eddie Long crowned king?When James Brown was gettin’ funky with it—I mean really ‘bout to break it down—he hunched over real exhausted-like and wailed some woeful notes into his mic, which was the cue for Danny Ray to come scurrying out, toss a cape over his shoulders and lead him off stage. That was part of the Godfather of Soul’s showmanship, cheesy as it may have gotten over time. So how come it seems downright brilliant compared to the ridiculousness of Bishop Eddie Long who, in the latest installment of the Crazy Eddie Chronicles, was wrapped in “sacred” Jewish scrolls and elevated from mere mortal to some kind of religious royalty? Unlike JB, he ain’t playing around. He’s absolutely serious. And that makes it all the more scary, and not even the least bit entertaining.

In case you haven’t heard, Long celebrated his coronation during last week’s service at New Birth Missionary Baptist, when Messianic preacher Ralph Messer instructed Eddie’s henchmen to wrap him in a ritual shawl, which Jews call a tallis, saying, “He’s a king. God’s blessed him. He’s a humble man. In him is kingship. In him is royalty. In him was a land of Israel.”

But that wasn’t all. Long was then hoisted on a throne like a pharaoh by four dutiful congregants. “He now is raised up from a commoner to a kingship,” Messer continued during the almost 15 agonizing minutes of the ceremony.

What does a Baptist megachurch pastor have to do with the 312-year-old scroll he was wrapped in? And why again was he sitting pretty on the shoulders of four other Black men? We could all churn out a crap shoot of guesses on that one, particularly since the Holocaust at Auschwitz-Birkenau has about as much to do with Eddie Long and his opportunistic tail as this Messer fellow has to do with the Middle Passage.

All I kept thinking was, this sure is a lot of prophetic speaking over a man who, not even two years ago, was caught taking pseudo seductive pictures of himself in biker shorts and a jheri curl hair piece and imposing them on young boys in his flock. Seems pretty common to me.

You can’t judge a religion by the people who claim to follow it and, on some level, you can’t even judge it by the people who profess to lead it. We will get it wrong at least some of the time—hell, even Dr. King jacked it up. That’s not God or the faith at fault. That’s just the fallibility of humanity. In theory, though, we should be striving to be the best sin-filled, shortcoming-subjected people we can be. And that’s where big ticket preachers like Eddie Long do the church and the whole Christian community a disservice by giving disenfranchised folks even more reason to be disenfranchised, critics even more reason to be critical and disillusioned folks even more reason to keep on keepin’ on in their disillusionment.

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  • Are You Serious Bro

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    Because one is not enough……….

    • kissa

      Roflmao @ the above…This is exactly why the poem by spoken word artist Jefferson Bethke’s “Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus” was created… This is a prime example of what he was talking about…

  • Cheryl Courtney-Evans

    Great article; I completely agree…the part that had me ROFLMAO, was “Crazy Eddie’s Chronicles”…SO APPROPRIATE!!

  • The “Church” has been ruined waaaaay before Eddie. He is in fact in charge of a hollow building.

  • Angie

    This scares me because my mom and my two sisters belong to an offshoot of this church here in the Bay Area. They also consider Big Daddy Eddie their spiritual father. Their pastor is very close to this man and even preaches sermons that sound like, if not identical to, the sermon old boys preaches. My poor mother said something about “this ain’t nothin but the devil attaching our ministry” back when Fast Eddie was going through his young boy scandal. I’ve tried to talk to them about this madness, but they are so gone and of course, they think I need prayer because I stopped attending these ridiculous churches a long time ago. I’m the only one in my family who no longer attends church for this very reason. This kind of B.S. does not only happen at New Birth. I’ve been to many a church and have seem enough crap to write a novel from. SMH….

  • Ronald McFadden

    Eddie is crazy!!! And so is those folk who sit there week after week listening to his shenanigans… enough said!!!