Women have long complained of lackluster lovers and men who have over-talked their abilities in the sack only to show up limp and completely underwhelming. But one man is turning the tables.

Esquire writer Chris Jones penned an article for the April issue of the glossy that basically told women that they ain’t all that.

He writes:

“…most women act as though they’re sexual Olympians, as though they’re doing the men in their lives the greatest of favors merely by presenting themselves like a downed deer strapped to the hood of a car. Some of you are deluding yourselves. Sex is not like pizza. Only blowjobs are.”

Oh, really?

But fear not ladies, Jones has a few tips in case your sex game isn’t on point.

“Like, maybe grab a mirror and spend some time learning how your own body works. It’s nice, too, when you don’t treat our semen like it’s battery acid,” he advises.

Let me go write that down. </sarcasm>

Esquire is a men’s mag, and I know Jones is playing to the home crowd, but I found his tone a little too condescending and mean. While I agree that women should know their bodies to better help their partners get them off, hurling his “advice” at all women–which, I assume, includes his wife–is just a bit off-putting.

But as he said, he’d rate himself as “not totally unpleasant, but not totally pleasant, either,” so I guess he knows what he’s talking about.

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