As I pulled out of my parking spot, following the GPS directions to my friend’s house to give her a ride home, she dropped one of those “between us girlfriends” bombs: she’d just broken up with her boyfriend of over a year. The breakup came out of nowhere and she was feeling sad but positive about the whole thing. She viewed it as a learning experience, a chance to grow, and saw him as someone who may one day be a friend again. All of this makes her way better than I, because it takes me months or years to be that positive about a break-up.

It’s never easy to let go of a relationship, so I was glad to see that she felt strong in the face of the pain of it all. Still, I didn’t know what to think about her reaction because she seemed so far along on the way to “over him” that I figured she was in denial. Expecting a reaction more similar to the kind of histrionics I usually engage in post-breakup, I wanted to shake her by the shoulders and shout “it’s ok! Don’t hold back! Let it all out girl!”. Then we could go cross the eyes out on some pictures of him, watch chick flicks, and eat ice cream or something. But I could see in her eyes that she was genuinely already nearing the “over him” stage.

Perhaps my disbelief stems from the recent realization that I’m totally “over” one of my “hims.” Just the other day a picture of my ex popped up in my Facebook news feed and I had no reaction whatsoever. I didn’t even see him and say to myself “hmph, he ain’t all that,” like I’ve unconsciously been doing under my breath for the past year or so. I saw his face, shrugged, and kept scrolling through my timeline like I was genuinely interested in how my friends’ Farmville crops were doing. When I realized that I my gut no longer quivered for him in any way — positive or negative — I couldn’t stop myself from doing a little body roll of triumph. For me, no visceral reaction is the telltale sign of being “over him,” and that’s progress well-earned.

What about you? How do you know when you’re over a relationship?

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