Clutchettes, we need to have a little talk.

It’s come to my attention that some of us ladies out there are feeling the stirrings of Spring and in the hopes of dusting off the cold lonely winter have started checking out potential flings. By checking out, of course, I kind of mean stalking.

There is so much information at our disposal these days, and there’s more available with each new form of technology that displays the comings and goings of people we don’t even really know. But how much of this information should we be using to make sure the men we pursue are actually worth our time? Does the research even help? Let me present two scenarios to help you help me figure out the answer to this question.

On the “I shoulda Googled you” end of things: When I was living in France I dated this guy François (I mean, what else?) and he was nice enough but frankly things were nothing special. One night he asked me to hold on to his ATM card for a split second and when I looked at the card the name on it was not at all what I’d been calling him. The card was in my possession for such a hot minute and his real name was such a collection of N’s and G’s and D’s that I couldn’t commit it to memory fast enough to keep it in my head. Of course I asked him, oh is that your African name as opposed to your French name? He just looked at me with suspicion and acted like I was invading his privacy. Of course, his shade had me heading for the hill soon after, which is lame because I can’t even look him up online like the rest of my exes. Dating someone whose real name I don’t even know? Yeah, that happened.

On the “Stalky McStalkerson” end of things: I went on a date with this guy who had clearly spent hours Googling me and perhaps even jotting down the things he found. He knew what school I’d attended and my undergrad major, which is one thing because a quick glance at my Facebook profile can tell you that. But he was also able to recount posts that I’d made on my blog, talk about the reviews for a play I’d done in 2001, and inquire about which one of my previous Brooklyn addresses became the most gentrified during my stay there. It felt like the kind of research you do about a company before you have an interview, and it was super creepy. I’m sure he’s over me but if not, his stalker tendencies have him reading this post right now.

So where does your pre-dating research lie on this spectrum? How deeply can you dig into a potential suitor’s background before you’re officially a stalker?


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