The phrase “nothing lasts forever” couldn’t apply more to the nature of romantic relationships. When people truly invest themselves in a relationship, parting ways can be nothing short of a painful and confusing experience. The fact is that life happens, people grow in different directions, betrayal occurs; in essence, every relationship has its own life cycle. It could be a mutual decision, or one sided, but once the end has arrived, you decide how to proceed with your life.
Often times, many individuals either become addicted to their partners or specific aspects of being in an intimate relationship, so when the ish hits the fan, heavy symptoms of withdrawal can materialize. The question that one must ask themselves is if they want to move on depleted, or ‘new and improved’ once the dust settles. Dig these helpful and hurtful tendencies we may vacillate between after a break up.
Helpful: Let it go. Put it all behind you and start fresh. No one said it’s going to be easy, but it’s critical if you ever want a chance at happiness with another partner.
Hurtful: Don’t call your ex. Especially if your intention is to browbeat or harass him (or his new girlfriend). You’ll just end up feeling like doo-doo in the end – trust.
Helpful: Get out there and have a life. Don’t let your break up transform you into a hermit. Hang out with friends, make new friends and involve yourself in activities you enjoy.
Hurtful: Don’t rebound. Projecting your feelings regarding your break up onto the new guy is a recipe for disaster. It’s not fair to you or him, and it makes for an extremely messy emotional conundrum.
Helpful: Allow yourself to grieve the loss your relationship. It’s a surefire way to help you heal and make a clean break. Talk to your friends, cry it out, scream if you have to. The more you suppress your feelings the worse you will feel.
Hurtful: Don’t play to stoic roll and pretend as if nothing bothers you. There’s nothing wrong with owning your sorrow and vulnerability. By denying yourself an opportunity to grieve, you close yourself off to valuable life lessons, and repeat past mistakes. You also stand a good chance at becoming a bitter and emotionally unavailable person, incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship.