The last guy who approached me at a social event was wearing a do-rag, a jailbird-ish one-piece jumpsuit, and a matching cowrie shell necklace and bracelet set. Mind you, this was at an event where most people were wearing suits and dresses and his do-rag was so bright white and fresh that I could tell it was intentionally part of his ensemble. He was like Jerome from Martin, just a few years younger and without the rotten teeth.

Now, I’m not much of a fashionista and even think it’s kind of cute when guys haven’t quite figured out how to dress because that’s where I can help out…but come on, man. It’s hard to take a grown man seriously in 2012 when his fashion sense is stuck somewhere between the 90’s and the prison yard — not because he’s “uncool,” but I had to wonder: what is going on in the mind of man who wears a onesie, let alone dresses like he’s in jail? For me, that particular look is an instant deal breaker and indicator for other ridiculous behavior. Sure enough, I spotted him later that night drinking wine straight from the bottle. The deal was beyond broken by then.

The rational part of the human brain knows that there are many ways to fall in love (or lust). From love at first sight to a friend becoming much more, there’s no good reason to eliminate a potential suitor from the running based on some superficial characteristic. Can a great guy come wrapped in tackiness? Of course, and approaching dating with an open-mind is key! But isn’t it just as rational to recognize that little things often indicate larger problems, and sometimes the instincts that reject the little things aren’t just hard to shake, they’re accurate?

Is it shallow to have one or two instant deal breakers? Do you have any?


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  • Laina

    Bad breath, does not go to the dentist, body odor, dirty fingernails, long fingernails, nails with clear nail polish, uses a do-rag to create waves, phone conversation that become monologues because their life is more important than yours.

  • Honey

    show off
    does not have his own personality
    gay and hiding it

    mostly my last date

  • Honey

    forgot to add cheap

  • Nicki

    These responses are hilarious!

    1. Smoking

    2. Aspiring rappers. I respect the hustle and willingness to go after your dreams. But if you’re over 30 and trying to ‘make it’ because all these other rappers are ‘wack’ or ‘if they can do it’ you can ‘do it too’, we don’t have much in common.

    3. Curve cologne is an instant deal breaker. I once dated a man who wore the lotion, after shave and cologne – all at the same time. The scent would linger for days. At one time I thought my nose hairs were permanently damaged because I would smell it even when he wasn’t around. Now, the scent makes me gag. No more. Never, ever again.

    4. Kids – depending on the circumstances. Won’t date a man who has more than one ‘baby momma.’ Generally won’t date a man with kids but I’m trying not to be so rigid about this.

    5. Rudeness. Especially to strangers. I just won’t tolerate it.

    6. Referring to women as ‘females.’

    7. Lack of interest in anything outside of their block or hood. No desire to travel, to live in other places, to experience new things. All deal breakers.

  • hellifiknow


    All of the above…except maybe not Curve although it depends on how much he puts on. I like a man to smell good, but some colognes are disgusting.

    But #1 and #1a physical dealbreakers: long nails they are sickening really I can’t even look twice at a man with nasty hands…..ugggghhhh

    Dental issues….I know how tough it can be to find dental care but how are you in a good job with insurance and you’re missing three or more teeth?