I used to be the kind of woman who had no problem getting into a relationship and letting it all hang out — within reason. There are some bodily functions and personal hygiene moments that probably shouldn’t be shared with anyone, but for the most part I considered being myself part of the benefits of an intimate relationship. That is, until the day I realized that for me, some beauty secrets should stay secret.
He and I were headed to a formal event and I was wearing a satin tube dress and every woman knows what that means…along with the dress I’d be wearing some form of body shaper underneath. I guess the contraption was a bit too grandmotherly, or perhaps this guy had never considered that most grown women have a few things to smooth out. Either way, on our way out of the door I asked him to zip me up and I could feel him pause when he saw the top of my trusty Spanx poking out.
“What on earth is this?” he asked as if he’d just discovered that I was wearing an exoskeleton.
I explained to him that it was just a body shaper that I was wearing so that the dress looked better. He hesitantly zipped me up while making a few quick jokes about girdles and old ladies and Victorian corsets and other things that someone socially maladjusted would joke about. Laughter is the best medicine for awkwardness, but I could tell that he was weirded out for the rest of the night. Oh, whatever.
Was this guy being ridiculous with his reaction? Probably, as he was generally a ridiculous person. But thanks to his overreaction I learned that the specific aerodynamics of my bodyshaping garments is something I personally need to keep from my beaus, and have done so ever since. A man might know that I have something underneath my dress (and shouldn’t I?) but he’ll never, ever see it. Zit cream? Sure. Do-rags? No dude could make me stop wearing one to bed faithfully because I do not have time for the breakage. But the one beauty secret I’ll faithfully keep from a man is how I shimmied myself into tonight’s dress. It’s just none of their business!