Being a strong, independent, financially stable woman doesn’t mean that you are lonely and bitter towards men. But judging by the media’s interest in black women’s love lives, you’d think this was the case. In fact, some of the most successful women I know are happily married and support their husbands in all of their endeavors. These women are powerhouses on the job, but at home they share that power with their mate and don’t try to overshadow him with their success.

They say that behind every great man is an even greater woman. That it is the woman who he has to thank for being able to achieve what he has. Before you say that this saying is sexist, the truth is that we ALL need someone to have our backs sometimes. We need someone who can keep us from falling when we want to give up and who reminds us of the greatness we have within. Only a woman of great strength, poise and respect can have her own and still know how to give her partner the support he needs.

Despite the strong, black woman myth, not every woman who has her life together is a man eater and gets her kicks out of degrading a man every chance that she gets. Michelle Obama is the epitome of a focused and successful woman. In addition to her solo accomplishments, she is a fantastic mother and wife because she supports her husband to the fullest. She knows how to let him shine and is supportive of his greatness. Despite her talents, Mrs. O doesn’t always have to be front and center. Even when the President and First Lady began dating she admitted she was at a higher level in her career than he was, but she saw the potential Mr. Obama possessed. She nurtured it, stood by his side and helped him reach his goals.

As a woman you have to be able to recognize when your man needs you to be strong for him, and also understand when it is time to let him shine. When you are in a relationship it is not always about you. This doesn’t mean that you have to take the backseat, but rather that you must distinguish between when it’s time for you to take center stage and when you have to sit in the audience and cheer.

Some women who are at the top of their games have the unfair reputation of being malicious and hard on any man who comes into their lives. According to the stereotype, they try to be “the man” on the job and in the relationship, attempting to play the dominant role. But as many of us already know that in order to have a successful relationship, you have to respect and support your partner the same way you want to be respected and supported.

Often times, society tries to tell us that we have to be hard, stubborn and borderline masculine in order to be taken seriously. We are told this is the only way to get ahead in life. But when it comes to relationships, it is ok to let your guard down and play fall back sometime.

Having your own is an essential part of being a fully actualized woman, but if you have a good man show him your appreciation by always having his back.

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  • I think it’s great when a woman can freely and sincerely support her man in his endeavors. The most important thing – for me as a man – is when a woman can fully understand the story behind her man’s ambition.

    Many black men suffer from the case of “overcompensation.” Being a man, knowing we have – as we’ve been taught through society – duties to be the provider; the overcoming King that beats out being born poor and lacking generational wealth to wield power like our white counterparts. Sometimes we as men out think ourselves.

    Instead of taking it one day at time, going to school and getting a decent job like our female counterparts, we’ll try and “make it big.” Black males (myself included) have to do a better job of embracing humility; it’s okay to just go to school and get a regular job, and do something on the side.

    But – for insight – that’s what many of us black males do. Sometimes we make it big, thanks to the support of the sisters. Sometimes, we don’t. Either way, I’m glad black women (most), despite all of our issues still love us.

    • QueenOfCastle

      @The Black Guy

      The sisters love you but do they respect you? I dont think so. Love without respect is very dangerous.

    • L

      @The Black Guy

      Dont feed the troll..AKA qon

      It just wants to find a way to dis Black women because most Black women are ignoring it so it tries to pretend it likes Black men as a wedge; But if it hates Black women,- strangers- which it does even though sometimes it tries to pretend it is reasonable, then it really hates you too…so ignore it.

    • QueenOfCastle


      A lot of black men have said that while black women may love them they dont respect them very much. Such a dynamic is retarding. Read some of the comments at this blog.

  • Socially Maladjusted

    Well if people are waiting for people like me to come in and start beef, they’ve got a long wait. There’s not much in this article to disagree with, other than the constant use of the Obama’s the barometer of personal and career success.

    What’s all the gushing about so called black president and his “flawlessly” got it all wife?

    What kinda fool needs the obamas to teach em that you’re supposed to treat your S.O. nice?


    I despair.

    Not impressed by “black firsts” in something white –

    the first non-white president of white people,
    the first black astronaut,
    the first black female secretary of white people’s defence.

    So what?

    What story does a black first really tell?

    That most blacks are kept down and will STAY kept down, and that the best you can hope for from whites is token representation in the form of some WHITEY approved nigro – and then, only for as long as it’s useful to put a blackie upfront while whitey consolidates more power to hmself behind the scenes.

    Man people talk about – “we gotta do better than this”. They need to start with themselves.

    • asha


      i too find the touting of Michelle Obama as some amazing black woman interesting. Is it really that bad in black america? The constant adulation and adoration smellin fishy.

      it gets even more interesting when the praises comes from whities. The negative things they say i don’t pay much attention, but the good things they say about Michelle Obama are always the most telling…strong arms….really??

      *rolling eyes*

      but alas me doh really care bout whitey and dem nah

      all of this is smoke and mirrors to confuse and keep we frustrated…as you said … start with yourself and be yourself…satisfaction will come.

    • Tricia

      Socially Maladjusted, I depair because I find that “green” does not look good on you!!! Give respect when its due!!!

  • E.M.S.

    I love this article, it speaks to what every woman should strive for. Be strong, independent, have your own assets, your own success, but also know how to coexist with a man in such a way that neither one of your achievements is overshadowed.

    I may only be in my twenties but this is my ideal. Even though my area of study and career path looks more promising than my boyfriend’s, I still support what he’s doing, and I’m good at recognizing those moments when I should “let him shine.” Honestly, those are the best, because I know I’m helping to create that shine!