It happened again. Another potential discussion starter ruined by the hurt, the angry, and the very pissed off. Why must it always end like this, folks? I really want to know.
As much as I love most of you–your witty comments keep me cracking up—it’s disheartening to write articles you hope will turn into civil exchanges, only to watch them devolve into the lowest of the low. Judging from the comments on the post I wrote about the upcoming film, Qualified, Yet Single it’s easy to see why folks are uncoupled on both sides of the gender spectrum.
You love a good fight.
And while I absolutely don’t get it, I’m sick of it. CLUTCH is not the place for you to work out your anti-black man/woman issues. It’s a place of empowerment, of discussion, and of (hopefully) understanding. But what keeps happening whenever we discuss relationships (which I love to talk about by the way) is that the comments section is usually hijacked by those who are promoting hate. They hate black women, they hate black men, they hate black people who love black people, and if I slip on my armchair therapist’s cap, they sound like they have a few issues with themselves.
The amount of black folk slander that goes on in the comments section is frightening, especially considering this is a site for, by, and about black people. And I just don’t get it.
If you looked at the CLUTCH comments, you’d think that black men and women are truly at war. You’d think we were sworn enemies akin to Bloods and Crips, throwing up our respective gang signs from neighboring corners. But thankfully, I know better.
I know that—despite what some of you spew in the comments section—black men are not running away from black women in droves. The census data on marriage tells us that we, black folk, overwhelmingly marry, live with, and date each other. And while I don’t knock interracial dating and marriage at all, black men and women who choose to date and marry someone who looks like them shouldn’t be seen as backward, or close-minded, or standing in our own way either. Love is love. Whether you’re with a black man/woman or white man/woman you will face the same relationship challenges we all face, so please, stop acting like you made it out of a POW camp just because you’re swirling. Cool?
I know I sound preachy. But I take the well being of black folks seriously. As a woman who was raised by her black parents, grandparents, extended family, and am currently mothering a young black son, this shit is personal. To watch your “community” tear each other apart like rabid dogs fighting over stale scraps of meat hurts. And as someone who is hoping to inspire others and spark constructive dialogue rather than stir the pot for the sake of hundreds of angry (and hurtful) comments, these exchanges continue to sadden me.
But all hope isn’t lost. While the comment sections continue to fill up with repeat offenders and trolls, I hear from many of you on Facebook or Twitter or out on the street, and your appreciation for the site shines through. Like me, many of you hate the comments, but love the work that we do here, which continues gives me hope.
It is for you, the supportive ones, that keep us up late at night, working through holidays, and barely taking vacations. You give us wings, whether you know it or not. And it is for you, the sometimes-silent majority, that we’ll continue to do the work, attempt to engage in meaningful conversations, and write about the things that affect us most.
Until we realize Rodney King’s dream of all getting along, try to place nice Clutchettes and Gents. We’re watching.