A few weeks ago, one of my girls and I had an interesting conversation. She told me about her on again off again relationship with a guy and how she came to the conclusion that it was finally time to sever ties.

Apparently, my friend (who is as straight-shooting as they come) found herself doing something she never thought would ever, ever do: rifle though her guy’s things looking for signs of another woman.

Although they weren’t in a relationship, the pair have a long history and agreed to date each other exclusively until they were ready to make it official. But as she went through his things, my friend said she knew it was a wrap. Instead of confronting him head on about her suspicions, she behaved like Inspector Gadget looking for clues. And in that moment she knew the trust was gone and no amount of reassurance could make her get over his past indiscretions.

After my friend told me about her ordeal, a Facebook acquaintance posed a question about checking her man’s phone and whether or not she should go through it to see if he was messing around. Although she didn’t suspect her guy of cheating, she was still curious to see if her beau had a wandering eye and was engaging in inappropriate behaviors with other women.

These stories are certainly not unique. Countless TV shows have depicted couples snooping through their partner’s things, or one party following the other to see if they are cheating (think Samantha Jones from SATC following Richard).  Despite wanting to know without a shadow of a doubt that your partner isn’t cheating, if you have to stoop to snooping, it’s probably time to call it quits.

Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and if you cannot trust that what your partner says matches his actions, then you’ve got a big problem. Communication is the backbone of relationships, and discussing your suspicions and fears with your mate is much more effective than going undercover and snooping through his things.

But, if you still feel the urge to go on the hunt, remember this: When you go looking for something, you’ll probably find it.

Have you ever snooped through your partner’s things? How did that work out for you?

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