“So you never want to talk to me again?”

The cheater was back.

Despite scrubbing him his memory from my phone — deleting his number, his pictures, and every single text message we ever exchanged — he was once again trying to claw his way back into my life.

“It’s not even what you think. Can we talk?”

Just like that he’d worked my nerves and found an opening.

Despite feeling he was just talking ish, I couldn’t stop myself from firing off a series of sarcastic jabs in his direction. My Achilles’ heel is that I like to be right. I like my point to be heard and understood, and perhaps even appreciated. I hoped my biting texts would scare him off, and maybe he’d get the point and stop trying to convince me this is all just some sort of misunderstanding.

I was wrong.

Like many guilty parties, he tried to flip it around. Called me judgmental, argued that even murders deserve their day in court, and said all he wanted to do was explain his side. He told me that I’d feel foolish once he laid it all out, and that the only reason he was doing all of this is because he cares about me and wants to be with me.

Low. Very, very low.

With each text message my pressure began to rise. My heart beat faster and faster as I talked to myself aloud, wondering why I was even entertaining this whole ridiculous conversation. Why hadn’t I just bid him adieu for good and kept it moving?

“Is that how it starts? Is this how folks get roped into being ‘the other’?” I asked myself.

Finally, I told him I wasn’t anybody’s second choice. I’m not a woman who can play the background, and if he can’t understand that then there’s nothing to discuss.

Somewhere around midnight (yes, I let it go on that long) I gave up. I was done arguing via text messages. I was tired of explaining why I was upset, why my feelings were hurt, only to have them spun on their head. I was through. And while it’s not easy (I can’t lie), the only recourse I have to keep my sanity and self-worth intact is to stand my ground.

As one Clutchette commented before, “The same way you get him will be the same way you lose him,” and while I do like the guy, I’m not willing to be a party to his complicated love life or another sister’s pain.

I’m worth more than that and so is she.

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  • Mademoiselle

    I feel like, even if you’ve changed, whatever it is about the person you were with that made you comfortable enough to try him/her the first time is probably still there. So what’s to say you won’t fall back into that same comfort zone and let old habits creep back up the second time?

    If you truly have changed, let the next person benefit from that. Forgive, seek forgiveness, and apply your lessons learned to the next potential blessing, but don’t get caught in the cycle. Sometimes, it’s not about how good you are or have become if you’re with the wrong person to complement your growth.

  • Marisa

    You should have just chuck that dude the dueces and been like poof pw be gone and texting the convo is what is draining lol. He messed up big time like alot of screwups think that grass is green on that side. Then when they get bored of that life come back at you. Not because they have changed its because of arrogance, certain people believe they can treat others like dirt, then waltz they behinds back in your life because they can. None of us are Jesus or the Pope so no one is owed forgiveness you either can choose to forgive or not its really up to the wronged party. Bottom line if you meant anything to this chump he would have acted right when yall was together and showed real remorse. Dont entertain anything from him let this be his lesson on how to treat the next woman better but, his chances with you are over.

  • I’ve found that blacklist and reject list work fine for the men I let go but can’t get that I am done and no longer want to hear their excuses and lies. I had one guy lie all the way up until he was caught and then told me not to believe what I saw. I’m not dumb or blind so I told him I was done. He has been calling and texting but I know I am worth more than that. I know I deserve a man that is honest, caring and loves only me so I can send him on his way even when I am in that lonely state.