I just don’t “do” the club. I only go by force (i.e. a friend’s birthday, someone’s engagement party, homecoming). Otherwise I stay away.

Something about the club just rubs me the wrong way. Lounges I can deal with, block parties are the bomb, but going to a clubby-club just sets my teeth on edge and makes me want to punch at the air in frustration.

First of all, the radio ads for club parties always sound shady. Don’t try to sell me on “grown and sexy”  when really it’s just DJ Humpty Hump reporting live while middle-aged mamas back that thang up. The music is usually everything you hear on the radio – not always a bad thing, but there is better music out there.  It also strikes me as odd that the atmosphere that a lot of spots try to pull off is the exact opposite of types of folks that end up being there. Even if the group is ‘upscale’, they are to uppity to dance, and spend most of the night buying crazy expensive bottle service that screams ‘look at me’! You know you can get that $130 bottle of Moet at World Market for $40, right?

Paying to get into a cramped space with a lot of drunken people you don’t know isn’t my idea of fun, especially when it’s so crowded that you can’t get to the bar. Neither is getting hit on my old men who look like deacons in their Stacey Adams and Kangol hats. No lie, I once went to a club where a guy looked like he was a groom – white vest, white pants, white gators, and a white Fruit of the Loom tee that he wore as a shirt – and he thought he was stuntin’. These old grizzlies love to hover around the tenderonis for one reason: to play the odds. If they hit on enough girls, eventually one will give him some play, right?

Lastly, I think my own personal experiences in the club have taught me to avoid it at all costs. Instead of subjecting myself to the horrors of club-hopping, I’d rather curl up with a good book or watch old episodes of “Martin”. And if I’m feeling the urge to get my dance on I want to do it with a select group of friends with bomb music. The club is only good for styling and profiling for people you don’t know, and I’m good on that.

So what say you Clutchettes and Gents? Are you a die-hard clubber or would you rather kick back and chill? 

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