In the past two years I have been to more weddings, baby showers, and engagement parties than I can shake a stick at. This summer alone my boyfriend and I have been invited to at least six weddings which is not surprising since most of the people in our age range (25-35) are settling down and getting married or having children.  After outlining some tips on how to survive the wedding season here on Clutch a while ago, I thought it was only appropriate to share what it’s like to be one of the few single ladies still catching the bouquet at the reception.

Unlike what most people see in movies or on TV shows like “Bridezillas,” all of the weddings and celebrations that I’ve been to are full of love, and they are usually lots of fun and drama-free. Reconnecting with friends and acquaintances that I haven’t seen in a while really makes these events special. Fortunately my circle is filled with great folks, so I don’t have any horror stories to dish.

The only thing I notice now is that now going to these events can be, well, overwhelming. When I got my first gilded invitation for a grad school friend’s nuptials, it was surreal, because it didn’t seem like we were old enough to be jumping the broom and making major life decisions. Getting gussied up to go to the church house was exciting because it felt like a scene out of the Best Man. Now, I realize how much time, effort and money goes into getting snatched for these events. I joked to my boyfriend that I was buying one dress as a uniform for wedding season this year. That was the best decision (and joke) I could have ever made: I save a lot of money by recycling dresses, and nobody even noticed. In the end the purpose of the party is not to get your shine on, but rather to share in the love of your friends.

One of the hardest parts of being single when everyone is rapidly accelerating into new and exciting phases of life is that you feel a little left out. It’s the same way I felt in 8th grade when all the other girls were getting their periods and carrying pads and purses around the playground – I wanted the knowledge and power of what it’s like to be a ‘grown’ woman, but I was also kind of glad I don’t have to deal with the pain and responsibilities that go along with it. In the same way, I am learning a lot about making relationships (and weddings) work from the people who have taken the plunge before me. For now I’m happy celebrating on the sidelines.

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  • lol

    somebody please help me out here, why is it that this kind of advice:

    “Once you get into the age category from 35-50 plus, many of these happy couples will be less than happy or divorced”

    “Unfortunately, it’s true my friends who have married young and took that plunge and new stage in life are now going through bitter divorces and downsizing from a home and yard with their kids to an apartment or moving back with parents”

    is advice i hear MAINLY from and amongst black women?

    it’s almost as if there is an amount of relief or a feeling of justification that someone who got married before you is getting divorced or is unhappy, why?

    why can’t one say “i’m happy for them but i’m also content where i am” ?

    if we have to spotlight the negatives (or worse the perceived/foresighted negatives) of someone else’s situation to make ourselves feel better does that really indicate that we are in a better situation?

    and don’t nobody come at me with “well it’s true”.

    ask thineself.

    • justanotheropinion

      I don’t think it’s a comment against Black Women per-say. I think it’s more a comment about age vs maturity (I could be wrong here). Many folks (regardless of color) running & getting married at 25 or younger have no clue. Rare are the one’s that actually make it. At 35, assuming you’ve got some real life experience, you are a bit better equipped to deal.

      The stat’s for divorce are dismal – basically 50% from what I read lately. I think Tallulah Belle was merely stating that you shouldn’t get hung up on what other folks were doing – be happy where you are. All of these things are natural phases in life we go thru. In 5 years, at least half of those folks will be in a different place (not always of their choosing). Why compare yourself to where others are TODAY?

      My daddy always said: “The grass may seem greener on the other side, but you don’t know what their water bill is.” After xx years, I’ve learned the truth in that statement.

  • I do not think one should measure the acceleration of their life based on whether or not they are in a relationship/whether or not that relationship turns into a marriage.

    It’s a new age, you do not have to define your life by the same old fashioned stages as previous generations. Be happy with where you are, and enjoy the ride for wherever you are going.

    And this is a bit snarky but regarding that period comment, I don’t remember feeling left out because other girls got theirs before me…but again, that goes back to not measuring your own life by everyone else’s.