I’ve never asked a man how many women he’s slept with. Honestly, I’ve never wanted to know. What I do ask is when was the last time they were tested, can I see the results and if they practice safe sex. If the question isn’t asked, it leaves no room for lies. But I’ve been asked and I’ve never lied.
When people hear my number, for some reason they’re amazed. I guess being in my mid 30’s and still in the single digits isn’t something people come across too often. I tell people I attribute that to recycling. In my mind, a repeat person doesn’t count as a new person. Makes sense to me. It doesn’t add to the proverbial notch on a belt.
Because there are still gender bias amongst a lot of people, people tend to judge others when they hear a number that seems high. I’ve done it myself. I’ve also had a guy friend tell me that he started having sex by the time he was 13 and at 42, he’s slept with over 200 women. He actually stopped counting after 200. That’s a lot of vaginas. But of course, rarely does anyone pay attention to the number of partners a man has had.
When you speak of women with high numbers of sexual partners, it more often than not, turns into “slut shaming”. A few weeks ago, on Twitter, even Oprah tweeted something that received a side-eye from me:
So women are giving it up too soon? But not men? Got it. It’s these attitudes about sex and the biases surrounding it that lead people to lie about how many partners they’ve had. If you like sex, and like to have it with a lot of people, who am I to judge.
According to the The National Health Statistics Reports, 8.3% of women and 21.4% of men have had 15 or more partners. While the number of sex partners increased with age, by the age of 24 more than 14% of men and 7 % of women have had 15 or more sex partners. This data was collected from in person interviews with over 13,000 men and women.
If you like sex, and like to have it with a lot of people, who am I to judge? I would just hope that you’re protecting yourself while you’re doing it.
Is there a such thing as a high number of partners? Does it matter how many partners someone’s had?